Psalm 79:11

Once again I was reading through my husband's Bible and I found a verse circled I hadn't noticed before. Psalm 79:11 says "Let the sighing of the prisoner come before thee; according to the greatness of thy power preserve thou those that are appointed to die;"

Now the words "appointed to die" leaped out at me because of Hebrews 9:27 "And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:" is the verse the Lord gave me when I first started this journey of widowhood. I asked Him to give me a verse, a solid answer from His Word to answer the boys' question of "why" concerning their father's death. The simple answer is "it was his appointed time to die." His time to go to Heaven to Jesus.

Anyway, I read the verse in Psalms again. I longed to ask my husband why he had circled this verse. My mind began to wonder and ponder and think thoughts the mind can think late at night. I searched the cross reference that lead me to Psalm 102:20. It says "To hear the groaning of the prisoner; to loose those that are appointed to death." Okay, like to set free those that are on death row.

The next morning the verse stayed with me and I longed to talk it over with my husband, but as I looked at his picture his lips were sweetly silent. I read my Bible in the quiet hours of the morning and then read something I had set aside weeks ago.

It was The Persecuted Church Global Report 2010 from The Voice of the Martyrs and on page 11 was the verse I had read in my husband's Bible the night before! Psalm 79:11!!! Now it makes perfect sense for it to be in there, but I didn't read the report to look for the verse. Are you getting this? This is how God works in my life.....same verse in less than 24 hours. God is trying to tell me something.

54 nations are classified as restricted and hostile toward Christians. 54 nations!!! In these nations, this blog would cause me to be arrested! Teaching my children about Jesus, praying with a friend on the phone, having a Bible in my purse, going to church, sharing notes from a ladies Bible study, and other normal things to us American Christians are illegal or greatly discouraged in 54 nations of this world! Go to http://www.persecution.com/ and see for yourself.

Jim's dad encouraged me to read Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand, founder of VOM. He spent over fourteen years in Communist prisons. The man knows what he is talking about. Wow! There is a eye-opening book, not that I recommend reading it right before you sleep though.

In his book, Wurmbrand gives a challenge or charge to us Christians in the free world. The first is to live a life of faith with fellowship with the invisible God. We need to be leading lives of consistent Christians, lives of sacrifice. (This is something my preacher has been trying to get us to understand for quite awhile now.) Wumbrand goes on to encourage us to protest publicly as often as Christians are persecuted. He asks us to pray for the persecutors that they maybe saved, to send Bibles, support our persecuted brothers and sisters in Christ financially so they can keep sharing the gospel, and to assist the families of martyrs. And last but not least, to pray, pray, pray for persecuted Christians. Let them know we remember them. http://www.prisoneralert.com/

Another challenge I want to give you is to share with your children what is happening in these other nations. http://www.kidsofcourage.com/ is a great site for kids. It is informative about kids in persecuted countries, their way of life, and language. The newsletters are great, ideal for homeschoolers. Sharing this with your kids does several things. First, it makes them see how privileged they are living in a free nation. It alerts them to others who need prayer. It also alerts them to what the future holds.

Late Night Surprise

One night at 2am Little Snurr came into my room complaining of pain. The pain seemed to move around for awhile, then he finally decided it was in his ear. So we went down stairs to do my regular treatment, warm olive oil infused with garlic oil and warm compress. As we waited for Mr. Ouie-Bear to warm up (He has beans in him) we chatted quietly.

Suddenly our chocolate lab bristled up and growled fiercely out the window. I jumped as did Snurr. We investigated and saw an interesting sight. A beautiful doe was in our driveway. It walked around the yard for awhile. We moved to different windows as needed to keep watching it for the next 10 minutes. Snurr forgot all about his earache by this time.After it left, we looked back where we first saw it and there was another deer! The second doe ran quickly up the drive and disappeared into the night.

By this time our warm compress a.k.a. Mr. Ouie-Bear was all warmed up. We headed back up to bed with smiles. It was a special moment just the two of us had shared and we couldn't wait till morning to share it with Snipp and Snapp. Cuddles with Mama and Mr. Ouie-Bear lulled Snurr to sleep and I got to ponder the timing of my Lord yet again.

"God doesn't waste pain." A woman named Barb said those words even though she knew she was dying of cancer. It is a powerful truth! Snurr's pain was not wasted. We were given a precious memory. This pain of widowhood isn't wasted either. It unites me with others who I can encourage on the way. It causes me to be more sensitive and mindful of fleeting moments.

"God's timing is perfect." Another quote I was told and one I believe with all my heart. Snurr's earache was perfectly timed for us to see the deer. I know of a man who was terminated from his job at the same time another and better job became available. A friend's coworker/friend died suddenly and her husband was in between jobs at that perfect time. He was able to give her the extra tenderness she needed. Someone was laid on my heart on a certain day, so I prayed. Later I find out an unexpected and interesting conversation happened that day.

Earlier this week, Snipp's devotional had this scripture in it:

Isaiah 55:8-9
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts"

Isn't that the truth!! So why do I think I can figure out what He is doing in my life? It all comes back to trusting my Heavenly Father to know what is best for me. To just keeping doing the last thing He told me to till He gives me my next instructions.

And I Love Me!

Tonight as little Snurr and I were cuddling I gave him several squeezes and said, "Mommy loves you, and Daddy loves you, and Jesus loves you soooooo much He died for you!"

Little Snurr rolled with this and added, "And Grandma S. loves me, and Snipp and Snapp love me, and Grandma G. loves me, and Grandpa B. loves me, and Grandpa S. loves me, and..."

So I chimed in, "And Preacher loves you, and Mrs. A. loves you, and Mrs. K. loves you, and L. loves you...."

And he interrupted, "And M. loves me, and Aunt S. loves me, and ....... I love myself!!

I know I missed fifteen or more other friends and relatives he rattled off, but you get the point. What made me smile so big was when Snurr proclaimed, "And I love myself!"

How many teenagers or adults for that matter can truly say they loved themselves wholeheartedly like that? This little critter feels so surrounded by love he can't help but love himself.

If we could just fathom how deep and pure and strong and measureless is God's love that we too would feel so surround by His love that we could say wholeheartedly, "And I love me!"

Philippians 1:12

But I would ye should understand, brethren, that the things which happened unto me have fallen out rather unto the furtherance of the gospel;

Today I felt like these words were not Paul's, but my husband's. "I want you to understand, Honey, that what happened to me happened to further the gospel."

It brought to mind another verse, "Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." John 12:24

I haven't seen all the "fruit" yet from Jim's death, but I have seen many little shoots sprouting up. He planted many seeds in his life here, and I see how his death caused many of them to take root.

What Brings Comfort?

A friend recently asked this question on her blog. I responded with the comments below.

Different things bring comfort at different times.

Today it was footprints in the snow to my husband's grave. Someone else remembers, someone else misses him.

Many physical things of comfort are connected to my beloved: wearing his lined flannel shirts, hugging pillows made from his shirts, looking at his pictures, seeing him on a home movie, certain smells, his coveralls, notes/cards, seeing a toothpick, wrapping up in a blanket he gave me.....

Other things of comfort come from others: phone calls, long chats, hugs, more hugs, my children's smiles, someone sharing a memory, their prensence in my home, little gifts, words of encouragement, praying with me, praying over me and mine outloud.....

Music and journalling have been a great comfort. Crying too is a comfort to release all the emotions within.

Reading through the Psalms as well as other books of the Bible. Letting it speak to me personally. Then clinging to the truth God shares.

God dates-getting alone with God for several hours in a special place where I can't be interrupted.

One of the most comforting of these times is what first popped into my head when I read your post.

It was a warm breezy day and I was going on a God date. I wasn't sure where I was driving, but I ended up visiting an old country cemetary. Jim and I had gone there when we were dating.I could still feel our love there. It may sound morbid, but we liked to look at the stones and see how the people were related and how old they were and things.

Anyway, it is a beautiful place. There is a rise on top of one of the little hills that looks out over the countryside. It is very peaceful there. I sat on the top of that hill and just poured out my heart to the Lord as the wind blew around me carrying my sobs away. I was there for hours. It was the longest I had been away from the children since my husband had departed to Heaven. I cried for a long while. I questioned God and I shared my fears, worries, and heartache. Finally, I had no more to say.

I sat silent and just let the wind whip my hair around and the sunlight warm my face. I felt God so near to me. I don't remember Him sharing anything, I just remember feeling very loved. When I left, I felt more alive than I had in months. The sea of fear, worry, and deep agony was calm. I still ached for my husband terrible, but God's love was surrounding me like an armour.

I guess these two scripture sum up where my greatest comfort came from and still comes from:

"Draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to you." Also "Be still and know I am God."

Apple Pie

Recently the boys and I were reading a delightful book called How To Make Apple Pie and See the World. One of the boys piped up, "Let's make an apple pie!" My heart sunk.



Early that week, the boys and I had made homemade bread and homemade dinner rolls. I used to time these mouthwatering treats to be done cooking just as Jim arrived home from work. I have made them only a handful of times since his departure to heaven. Each time it was a duty, not a joy like it used to be. But when we had made them this time, it was a joy, a surprising joy and quite funny with six little hands helping to knead the doughs:) And they turned out wonderfully! The reward was Snipp devouring them saying, "These taste just like you used to make them, Mom!"



But apple pie? I just didn't feel like I had the strength to make apple pie. Long ago and far away making apple pie was one of those special things I made to delight my husband. Reluctantly, I searched for my receipe, and sighed a sigh of relief when I couldn't find it.



Several hours later an old friend stopped by briefly. She had been baking that day and the Lord put it on her heart to bring over some goodies. A homemade loaf of bread and pie. Yup, you guessed it! Apple pie!!!



Every step of this journey, God is revealing Himself to us in different ways. He has shown Himself strong as a financial provider, sliver remover, and now as the God of Apple Pie:)



God is good and He is sweet. Sweet as apple pie. It gives a whole new picture to the verse "O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him."Psalm 34:8