Isaiah 40:11

Isaiah 40:11

"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young."

A sweet friend shared this verse with me the other night and then Grief Share used it in a recent email too. When I was pregnant with my second son, God gave me this verse to calm a fear I had within me about what kind of world this son would grow up in.

After Jim went Home to Heaven, the Lord reminded me of it again, especially the promise that He "shall gently lead those that are with young." A grieving parent needs to be lead gently, because she is a broken hearted person trying to comfort and lead broken hearted children. She is ever mindful that her steps are being followed and she is often very hard on herself.

Once again God reminds me of His promise not only to gently lead me, but also that "the lambs," my little ones, are being carried close to His heart. They are especially dear to Him. Oh, the peace to know that my children are near to the heart of God, the Great Shepherd.

Arrows in the Hand of a Mighty Man

Psalm 127:4-5

"As arrows are in the hand of a mighy man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate."

Last week we got out Daddy's bow and arrows. We took turns attempting to shoot feeling like Indians or Jonathans or great hunters.......

We discoverd something interesting. Only three arrows had tips. How appropriate for a man who had three boys.

My mind drifts to an article I read some where

about a father saying how each of his boys was like an arrow. And that there are many kinds of arrows: practice, hunting, war, for show, etc. as I watched my little men attempt to shoot the targets, I wondered what kind of arrow they are and what is God's unique plan for each one. Every once in a while, I get a glimpse of what they might look like or act like as a man. And I see similarities with their dad. Or other male relatives.

Lord, help me to guide them to find their special purpose in Your hands and not compare themselves among themselves. To keep their eyes on You and Your target for their lives.

Spring Flowers

Each spring, the Lover of My Soul, sends me these flowers. And each spring the grove increases in their numbers. Every time I savor their sweet fragrance I can see my beloved Jim riding on the lawn tractor with his straw hat on, his head tilted slightly up, and his eyes shut inhaling the fragrance of these precious gifts of love from God.

Three-Fold Cord

I remember well the first time I was invited to go out to eat with two couples. Yikes! To be a fifth wheel! If they weren't Jim's sister and husband and Jim's best friend & his wife, I don't think I could have done it. Knowing that they cared much and were sensitive to me feeling like half a couple helped. But I still felt strange and thought about making up an excuse not to go. I did go and found out the wonderful news that Jim's sister was pregnant again after having miscarried previously. (She has since had my adorable nephew aka Prayer Boy.) Anyway, I was glad I went, but I will admit there was some painful times. Like when we tried to figure out where we were all going to sit (so the guys could talk and yet the girls still sit by their men) and when we prayed ( the girls just automatically reached for their husbands' hands and I just squeezed mine own tightly in my lap). They graciously listened as I shared memories of Jim or chatted about single parenting. It was definitely awkward for me, but it wasn't as bad as I thought either.

I read this in a Grief Share email today:
This feeling of loneliness and the consciousness that you are not part of a couple may cause you to avoid going into group situations where most of the other people are couples. God disagrees with the idea that three's a crowd. He reveals in His Word that great strength is available when three people come together.
(Ecclesiastes 4:12 & Matthew 18:20)

Tonight Ecclesiastes 4:12 really stood out to me. My mom had three kids, so all the time when we were quarreling as a child, I'd hear, "Two company, threes a crowd." I respectfully disagree. I think it is possible for three siblings to get along and be close knit. So I keep reminding my boys, "A threefold cord is not easily broken." It wasn't until tonight, that I realized this was for me as well. Being a third wheel in God's hands is powerful, not disheartening or drudgery.

Ahhhh, how Almighty God can breath life into what seems so negative. And make me see the priviledge it is to be that third person......

This Is Best (repeated)

As my birthday draws near, I am reminded of the sweet gift the Lord gave me the first year I celebrated it without Jim. Here is an old post I shared it on.

January 14, 2008

This Is Best
My first birthday without my husband was just months following his death. I was surrounded by family that day, and though their presence was a great comfort, oh, how my heart was aching. I remember just sobbing as the pain seemed to engulf me and no relief seemed in sight.

"Oh, Lord, if I didn't love him so much, this wouldn't hurt as much!" I thought.

Very clearly the response was "I love him more than you, and I said this is best."

"But the boys need their father!" I cried.

"And I love them more than you do, and I said this is best."

"But I hurt sooooo much, Lord!!!!"

And He tenderly answered, "And I love you more than you can ever imagine and I said this is best."

Many, many months have past since that day, but the Lord's words have stayed with me, wrapping me in security and love. He said this is best.I don't have to understand why, or have all the answers. I just know He loves me. It was that great love that held Him to the cross, not the nails. That amazing love that cleanses me and keeps me. And that love is enough.

Sowing Tears

News of another family getting swallowed up in life's rat race just tore me up last week. It hurts to see busyness dividing a family, each doing their own thing instead of being unified together as a couple and as a family. And sin is threatening to destroy it. A mental, emotional divorce seems inevitable. It hurts. They need Christ. They need His Word to show them the better way. Oh, they can have it soooooo good. It hurts to see them hurting. It hurts to see them reject Christ's ministry of restoration.

Oh, the burden for them was so great. It literally was bringing me to my knees. All I could think of was Psalm 126:5. "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy."

Lord, I pleaded, I have sown so many tears for these people through the years and I feel like I am losing the fight. I called on other trusted prayer warriors for I felt the burden just so heavy.

One sweet friend text back encouragement and pointed me to Psalm 5. As the tears rolled down my cheeks, I began to read it....I didn't get far and I had to stop. This was for me.........

Psalm 5:1-3
Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation.
Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray.
My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.

I stopped and prayed out loud His Holy Word.....and it ministered to my soul. God hears me. I have a listening ear with the King of kings and Lord of lords!! He cares. He loves these people more than I do! He is my King--He rules over all. He is my God, my personal, loving God who knows me better than I know myself. And He reminds me to look up. He is working on this even as I prayed and wept. He was already working on it behind the scenes and I was reminded of truths He taught me before:

1) God is sovereign over satan's attacks; He is in control.

2) God will work and who shall let (stop or hinder) it?

3) Beauty will rise from the ashes.

Peace washed over me, peace that passeth all understanding. And I could rest in knowing He was working. That He was still on the throne and something beautiful would come out of this all.