November 14, 2011

Wrestling Matches

There are many times I have felt like Jacob wrestling with an angel. Mostly these wrestling matches involve trusting God with someone I love: my children, my parents, Jim's parents, other friends as well as seemingly hopeless situations.

The devil likes to taunt me with this lie: "You trusted God with Jim and look what happened. If you trust God with anyone else, He will take them too."

Recently a loved one was at the hospital again. I found out they were on the way to the ER right before church. A part of me wanted to run and hide and cry in fear. But I knew where I needed to be and so with tears running down my cheeks and fears racing through my mind, I sat in church, tried to sing and listen. The whole time my heart was wrestling with trusting God. I don't want to lose anyone again. I don't want the pain of separation death brings. I don't want to see my boys crying and not be able to fix it. I don't want to lose one of the greatest godly influences in my life. I listened to the soloist sing, " I don't know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand." Slowly my heart began to rest in the Lord and I was able to listen to the sermon. It was like a hot cup of chocolate on a bitterly cold day. Enlightening, challenging, and yet seasoned with love from above. Then came the invitation, and with it came restlessness once again. I just poured all my fears, anxieties, and heartache on the alter. Tears fell once again and once again I felt the familiar comfort of the Holy Ghost. Then with final surrender, I released my loved one. And took with me the promise that no matter what, it was going to be okay.

Over a week later, I rejoice to say this loved one is on the mend and seems to be doing well. But I am reminded again that each day is a gift, each relationship is a treasure and I need to cherish each moment. To live as to have no regrets.

Another family member told me everything from here out are grace moments. Grace moments......those are some powerful words if you let your mind really wrap around them.

Grace moments.....we all have grace moments.
Lord, help us recognize them for what they are.

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