December 31, 2010
Then as dusk fell my boys grew excited for the New Year's Eve party Snurr had wanted in his room. We snacked as we recalled all the events of this last year good and bad. Then I put up my 2011 year at a glance door calender. We looked at the events coming this year, marked certain breaks, checked what days birthdays and certain holidays fell on, and shared some personal goals. Then came the main event: getting Daddy's model cars down from the attic. The Lord is so precious! On top of the boxes I was looking for was a smaller box marked Collector Cars. The boys were super excited!!! We impatiently opened it and discovered many Hot Wheel cars that Daddy had collected. This was the highlight of the evening for them. We did look at Daddy's models and called Grandpa and Uncles to get more knowledge on some of our discoveries. The boys were able to see his careful, detailed work that took time and patience. It was a sad and sweet time connecting with things that once matter much to Jim. How we wished to hear the stories behind them from his own mouth...
Goodbye 2010! Thank You so much Lord for guiding us through it! Hello, 2011! I don't know what you bring, but I know my Lord is already there and that makes all the difference....
December 29, 2010
December 27, 2010
Another tradition we added was one Daddy started the last Christmas he was with us. In my stocking was a clue to find my gift. It ended up being in the dryer!!! Anyway, so also in each treasure box now is a clue for example: Go to something Daddy read every day. As we all know, the figuring out the clues and the hunt is about as much fun as getting the gifts. It is also a reminder that treasures have to be sought after. Like the wisemen did to find Jesus. And that we too need to seek Christ to find Him.
December 23, 2010
Scroll down to December 19/2010
Titled: Sons of Parfitt
Description : The Parfitt Young Men preaching in memory of their father
Please continue to pray for the family of Ken Parfitt
December 20, 2010
December 20th post called A Call to Service
Please pray for the family of Ken Parfitt.
December 09, 2010
I thought I would share its Table of Contents to be an encouragement to any fellow grievers who stop in here:
- Alter-Rather than Abandon-Traditions
- Anticipate the Holidays
- Appreciate the Grief Styles and Decisions of Others
- Ask Your Church for Help
- Be Alert to the Culture's Obsession with Excitement
- Befriend Your Grief
- Befuddle Someone
- Carolize Your Season
- Celebrate Sensitively
- Consider the Needs of Everyone
- Create New Traditions
- Create Ornaments or Decorations That Symbolize Your Loved One and Eternal Life
- Cry If You Want To
- Define Your Boundaries
- Do What You Need To Do
- Donate to Your Church or a Charity in Honor of Your Loved One
- Don't Fast-Forward to January 5
- Forgive Those You Believe Are Responsible for the Death
- Give Your Grief Its Voice
- Give Yourself Persmission to Say, "No," or "I'll Pass"
- Guard Your Heart
- Invite God's Help
- Journal Your Grief
- Made Gratitude
- Minimize the Seasonal Stressors
- Miss the Invitations to Parties and Other Social Events
- Network With Other Grievers
- Nurture Yourself
- Observe a Quiet Holy Day
- Organize Your Living Environment
- Remain Open to Seasonal Surprises
- Remember Realistically
- Resist the Temptation to Make It Up to Others for What They've Been Through
- Rethink Your Holiday Shopping Habits
- Say Your Loved One's Name
- Try Events
- Unplug the Christmas Mania
- Use Some of Your Seasonal Decorations
- Visit the Cemetery or Scattering Ground
- Volunteer at a Social Service Agency
- Vote Your Choices
- Watch Children
- Watch Out for Numbing Influences
- Weigh Any Criticism of Your Grief Style and Holiday Decisions
- Write A Year-End Letter to Your Deceased Loved One
- "Yes" Invitations That Feel Right
- "Zestize" Your Season
December 08, 2010
For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;
That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,
Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.
December 06, 2010
November 11, 2010
Hebrews 12:1-2 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
November 03, 2010
October 26, 2010
This is what my precious praying sister told me, as in a panic I told her about the latest tragedy to strike my extended family. Oh, the precious gift of a friend praying over you and over a situation that made you weld up with fear and emotion. By the time she was done, God had given me the grace to be the prayer warrior and messenger I needed to be. And the grace of God continued to hold me up.
As more sad news hit the family today, it was my turn to say, "I am going to just pray," and start praying with my loved one on the phone.
As I look back over this month, there seems to have been more tears than smiles and I wonder if this isn't a sliver of what Job felt.
Questioning God's timing yet knowing His sovereignty.....Feeling He is so far away, yet going to Him in prayer because we know He is so close. Hurting deeply within and feeling so helpless, yet knowing God is going to show Himself strong, somehow and in someway, and make this pain beautiful in His time.
Two quotes come to my mind:
Joni Eareckson Tada: "Your deepest need when you are hurting is to have God, like a Daddy, reach down and pick you up and hold you and reassure you that everything is going to be okay. He lets you know that your life is not in nightmarish chaos, your world is not splitting apart at the seams. Somehow and somewhere there is order and stability to it all. And that's why God never gives advice; He gives Himself."
Samuel Rutherford: "Believe God's Word and Power more than you believe your own feelings and experiences. Your Rock is Christ, and it is not the Rock which ebbs and flows, but your sea."
October 16, 2010
October 14, 2010
October 12, 2010
October 05, 2010
September 29, 2010
1 John 3:23 And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.
Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Matthew 5:43-48 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
John 13:34-35 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.
September 17, 2010
We read this verse the other day and had and interesting discussion about shields in general and this unique phrase "shields of the earth." Little Snurr spoke up and said he thought it was when Jesus wraps his arms around you in a hug, like this he stated and gave himself the tightest hug. "Then you are all cuddled up inside,"he said.
Now there is a pictures in words for you......................just precious to my heart.
September 10, 2010
Butterflies have many precious meanings to me. One is of being a new creature. I have been transformed by Christ and am now a new creature. A born-again believer.
August 26, 2010
o Hear and obey the call for action ex. Arise, go
o Be strong and of good courage ch. 1: 6,7,9, and 18
o You are not alone v. 5+9
o God’s Battle Plans 1:8
o Rise up early (Be prepared)
o Sanctify (set apart) yourself
o Step into the water in faith
o Remember with stones what God has done in your life
o Realize the power of your testimony ch. 4:24
o Learn from your forefathers sins
o Be lowly and humble. Put your face to the ground often.
o Obey God even when it makes no sense.
o Secret sin always causes others to innocently suffer.
o Destroy sin entirely.
o Value true confession and truth
o Don’t quit; try, try again.
o Don’t be deceived. Always check with God even if all the facts seem to line up.
o Use your Sword well.
o Remember God, not you, gives the victory.
o Have faithful friends who are mountain conquerors.
o Bless others with your words and actions.
o Be merciful.
o Honor those that serve God.
o Give Godly counsel.
o Lead by Example.
o Encourage others to love God.
o Stand strong in the Lord.
o Fear the Lord.
o Chose to serve the Lord and be faithful so your descendants serve Him too.
o Be a man who keeps his covenant.
August 24, 2010
here is a little something we are focusing on as a family this year:
"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
"Praying for you!!!"
"I will pray"
"God is your strength and your deliverer. Jim is with Him....I know its hard but HE knows you and loves you, and is right there with you NOW."
"Praying for you! Hope you have a good night's rest!""A broken heart never heals but Jesus picks it up and holds it close and dries the tears with His faithful love. It is just "awesome". Only if you have been there (on both sides) can you possibly understand."
"Love you. "
"I will be praying for you. Have a great week and time with family....."
"Thinking of you all day-prayed lots-
For the mountains shall depart, and the hills shall be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the LORD that hath mercy on thee. Isaiah 53: 10"
August 13, 2010
Well, we watched that movie today and I noticed two things I haven't noticed before. And I have watched this dozens of times because I like watching Jim's mannerisms. Anyway, two things I realized for the first time. 1) He tells Buddy (aka Snipp) to give me a cuddle, lots of cuddles, because mom needs lots of cuddles. Funny thing is that when the boys all learned to read the word "hug" I told them it was one of my favorite words. Snurr was prompted to give me a hug as the movie went on.
2) At the end he says, "I love you, Buddy!" And I always felt bad that this movie seemed to leave the other boys out (they weren't born yet) BUT today I noticed that Jim didn't just say I love you, Buddy! He then points 3 times at the camera and says, "I love you, I love you, I love you!" Snapp and Snurr realized it the same time I did. Daddy loves Buddy, and the three of us too!!!!! Even though he doesn't use their names I am just so blessed to tears that my God prompted my husband to say I love you a total of 4 times so that each of us could feel that he is saying it once to us on that movie. And my Great God did this 3.5 years before Jim was called Home to Heaven. And my God knew that as we recorded it that we would crave to hear that from his sweet lips. Blessed beyond tears is how I felt. At bed time Snurr was even talking about it again:) That was sweet to me especially because the last time we watched that movie he asked me who that man was and oh, how I cried.
August 09, 2010
August 03, 2010
But oh, the blessings I see.......sermons that spoke life to me, victory in my children's lives, prayers answered, God's perfect timing revealed and just standing amazed at the glimpses I see of God at work.
There is no way I could play catch up with all the fingerprints of God on our lives these past many weeks. Just know that I feel blessed beyond measure!
July 10, 2010
And the children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD, and served Baalim, and Ashtaroth, and the gods of Syria, and the gods of Zidon, and the gods of Moab, and the gods of the children of Ammon, and the gods of the Philistines, and forsook the LORD, and served not him. And the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel, and he sold them into the hands of the Philistines, and into the hands of the children of Ammon. And that year they vexed and oppressed the children of Israel: eighteen years, all the children of Israel that were on the other side Jordan in the land of the Amorites, which is in Gilead. Moreover the children of Ammon passed over Jordan to fight also against Judah, and against Benjamin, and against the house of Ephraim; so that Israel was sore distressed.
And the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, saying, We have sinned against thee, both because we have forsaken our God, and also served Baalim. (They were specific in their confession and admitted to breaking the first and second commandments.)
And the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Did not I deliver you from the Egyptians, and from the Amorites, from the children of Ammon, and from the Philistines? The Zidonians also, and the Amalekites, and the Maonites, did oppress you; and ye cried to me, and I delivered you out of their hand. Yet ye have forsaken me, and served other gods: wherefore I will deliver you no more. Go and cry unto the gods which ye have chosen; let them deliver you in the time of your tribulation. ( A rebuke from a Just God)
And the children of Israel said unto the LORD, We have sinned: do thou unto us whatsoever seemeth good unto thee; deliver us only, we pray thee, this day. (I see humility in this statement.)
And they put away the strange gods from among them, and served the LORD: and his soul was grieved for the misery of Israel.(Forsaking sin then choosing to do what is right. The result was God had mercy and compassion.)
Then the children of Ammon were gathered together, and encamped in Gilead. And the children of Israel assembled themselves together, and encamped in Mizpeh.
This chapter displayed the amazing truth of Proverbs 28:13 "He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy."
June 22, 2010
It was filled with much activity and fun. Quiet reflections and at times clouds of sadness.
I have added much to this blog tonight and so I will give the nutshell version of our day:
We had morning devotions of God being our Heavenly Father, a Father to the fatherless, a Father to all, and an everlasting Father.
The boys road the church bus to church and we ate breakfast there.
Amazing sermon! (More on that in future post)
Boys wanted to do Daddy's tradition of cheese sticks after morning worship, then we went to where he would sometimes eat his lunch and read his Bible on days he worked.
We travel to a park they visited when I was away and walked a trail in the woods.
We had some orneriness, some ugliness, some sadness, and some joy.
We stopped at the roadside memorial and Snapp's bookmark is still there! It is very faded, but the words I LOVE YOU, DADDY! can boldly be seen. Snapp was thrilled.
We fell asleep exhausted, glad to be home, yet a linger feeling someone is missing.
After shocks are hitting.
Snipp told me tonight, "I feel like I am strapped to a metal table and missing daddy is like a hammer squashing down on me." Now there is a description of grief most books don't say!
P. S. This is the same son who described Christmas as a dinosaur chasing him and he felt like a little lamb. I love how kids can describe such emotions in such creative ways.
June 21, 2010
I had left the conference and was traveling to a friend's home. As I journeyed, the sky was full of strange and scary clouds to the south and a wall of dark grey to the east. I called family and waited for their return call for a weather update. I approached the town that had the awful looking clouds over it, then turned east. As I drove on, Jim's mom called back and informed me that the town I had just gone through had a tornado warning going on! My friend had contacted me as well and she was down in a basement due to the weather they had been having. The storm that was now in front of me look more ominous! If I drove 55mph, it would rain big splats on my windshield, if I traveled at 50mph, it didn't. This kept up the whole way to my friend's home! So I took my time to allow the storm to go ahead of me. As I finally turned on my friend's road, I looked at the sky that had been behind me and over me. There was a clear break in the middle of the clouds right over the highway!! God's divine protection!! And as I pulled into her driveway, I saw beautiful sunbeams bursting through the clouds. Just precious!
When you trust Him as your Everlasting Father,
June 15, 2010
June 11, 2010
1Woe to the rebellious children, saith the LORD, that take counsel, but not of me;
7For the Egyptians shall help in vain, and to no purpose: therefore have I cried concerning this, Their strength is to sit still.
15For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not.
18And therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the LORD is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him.
19For the people shall dwell in Zion at Jerusalem: thou shalt weep no more: he will be very gracious unto thee at the voice of thy cry; when he shall hear it, he will answer thee.
21And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.
June 09, 2010
They say "Confession is good for the soul; bad for the reputation." Yet God says "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."
I am deeply ashamed to admit it; I lost it. My patience and my temper that is. I got in the flesh and let my words fly. Death words, my preacher calls them. Words that are not ministering grace unto the hearers. I felt totally justified at the moment and totally grieved and smitten after the Lord's rebuke. I fled outside to vent to the Lord and get back what I knew I had lost. After I had my say, my Lord smote me with these words, "Who are you to speak to MY child like that?" Yikes!!!! The fear of the Lord trembled through me. Yet He is so right. So very right. My children are not my own, how many times have I given them over to Him? He created them. They are His. Deep sorrow and repentance swept over me. Tears burned hot salty trails down my cheeks. And I thought about the damage I had done. Sharp words are deadly and wounding. They echoe in the heart even years later, I personally know this. Yet I had been the inflictor. Shamefully, I confessed my grievous sins to my Lord. I had just gave the devil ammunition. And at any time he will use my words to shoot at this child. There is nothing I can do to take them back. All I can do is now is nurture my relationship with him and train the little warrior so he will be ready and armed when those bullets fly at him.
I am so thankful this child is so forgiving. I am so thankful that my God is too. This child's love language is touch. So it is vital to him in an apology to have those hugs. We headed to our favorite spot, the porch swing where we sat and talked. I didn't hid my tears and he hugged me tight. I held him tight and apologized, and I tried mightily to bandaged up those wounds. I know it will take awhile to heal and I am praying mightily that he stands strong when the devil throws them at him again. And just as mightily I am praying "Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips."
June 04, 2010
Are you letting God's peace reign in your life? Every time something else threatens to take over your life—unwelcome thoughts or emotions—grasp onto His peace and rely on His eternal promises."There's a verse in Colossians that says, 'Let His peace reign in Your heart,'" says Ruth, whose husband died. "Every time I realized I wasn't letting it reign, I would just grab back onto what the Lord had told me and let it reign." It is truly possible to let peace rule your life.
June 01, 2010
1Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer.
2From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
3For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.
4I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.
I woke up feeling like his bride again, I woke up feeling giddy and dreamy. When I looked at his pictures I felt emotions again, love and joy, peace and contentment. How long has it been that looking at his pictures made me feel numb.......weeks? months? a year? I don't know, but I know that it is gone, the numbness is melted away and there is a loving tenderness again that has been missing. I gaze at his picture and I feel his gaze touching my soul again. And can't help but smile.
He could always make me smile, no matter how upset or angry I was, Jim had a way of making me smile. Praise the Lord his picture and his memory can still do that. Because I know that I don't smile near as much as I used to. And alot of the smiles I do smile, don't go down to the bottom of my toes like they used to. I know it, I feel the difference...........
Anyway, what a precious dream.
Jeremiah 4:3 For thus saith the LORD to the men of Judah and Jerusalem, Break up your fallow ground, and sow not among thorns.
Hosea 10: 12 Sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground: for it is time to seek the LORD, till he come and rain righteousness upon you.
I read these verses that evening before I watched a movie. They stood out to me strongly and I wondered what the Lord was trying to say. I was about to get a glimpse of it a couple hours later.
The movie was done. Tears continued to stream down my face. Why? It was more than just parts of the movie that had triggered emotions. A storm was brewing within me and I had to get away. I escaped outside. Grief welded up within me. I knew it was going to be a great outpouring; I could feel the deep agony rising within me. I sought a place that would squelch my cries; I didn't want any children to witness their mother in such a state.
Then it happened. The great outpouring. God split me wide open and I puked emotionally. Moaning, wailing, sobbing and sobbing. So much emotional pain from the depths of my soul that it was physical. A cry that came from the depths of my soul and that I couldn't squelch or stop. It bursted forth from my lips like a woman in travail with child.
Several times I picked up the phone to text or call someone, and each time I felt the answer was no. It would be a way to escape, just God and me on this one. Why now? Why after all this time? Had I really hardened a part of me? Was there fallow ground that needed broken up?Was there sin I had buried so deep that I denied it was there? What was God trying to show me? Teach me? I still don't know all there is to this yet.
The only thoughts that came later as the Comforter comforted me was that God had taken me back to when I was first told of Jim's death and all the grief and pain of that moment came back. At that moment, I had handled it as I hoped I would have quiet strength and prayer, I didn't sink to the floor in a crumble and mourn my beloved. Now I did what I really felt within me at that moment and had stuffed. Now I sank in deep despair and deep mourning. So deep I feared it wouldn't end. So blinding and phyically real was the emotional pain all I could do was wail and cry out to God. How long I sobbed only He knows, Time seemed gone. I couldn't think, only feel the depth of my anguish that my beloved was gone, never to return to my arms, never to hear his voice, never to take refuge in his embrace, never to see those intense eyes that understood my soul.......I always thought if.......if he died before me.......I would be there to hold him when he left this world for Heaven. But God said no and reminded me that Jim wasn't alone......Jesus was with him. He wasn't alone. Comfort........
There is much I don't understand about this, but this much I know. Something is different. I don't know all those cries and groans communicated to God. But I feel like something has been made ready for planting in me. Jim's pictures breath life in me again. And I feel a love deep down to my toes:) and I await to see what God is going to plant and bring forth to yield.
May 27, 2010
"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young."
A sweet friend shared this verse with me the other night and then Grief Share used it in a recent email too. When I was pregnant with my second son, God gave me this verse to calm a fear I had within me about what kind of world this son would grow up in.
After Jim went Home to Heaven, the Lord reminded me of it again, especially the promise that He "shall gently lead those that are with young." A grieving parent needs to be lead gently, because she is a broken hearted person trying to comfort and lead broken hearted children. She is ever mindful that her steps are being followed and she is often very hard on herself.
Once again God reminds me of His promise not only to gently lead me, but also that "the lambs," my little ones, are being carried close to His heart. They are especially dear to Him. Oh, the peace to know that my children are near to the heart of God, the Great Shepherd.
May 25, 2010
"As arrows are in the hand of a mighy man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate."
Last week we got out Daddy's bow and arrows. We took turns attempting to shoot feeling like Indians or Jonathans or great hunters.......
We discoverd something interesting. Only three arrows had tips. How appropriate for a man who had three boys.
My mind drifts to an article I read some where
Lord, help me to guide them to find their special purpose in Your hands and not compare themselves among themselves. To keep their eyes on You and Your target for their lives.
May 21, 2010
I read this in a Grief Share email today:
This feeling of loneliness and the consciousness that you are not part of a couple may cause you to avoid going into group situations where most of the other people are couples. God disagrees with the idea that three's a crowd. He reveals in His Word that great strength is available when three people come together.
(Ecclesiastes 4:12 & Matthew 18:20)
Tonight Ecclesiastes 4:12 really stood out to me. My mom had three kids, so all the time when we were quarreling as a child, I'd hear, "Two company, threes a crowd." I respectfully disagree. I think it is possible for three siblings to get along and be close knit. So I keep reminding my boys, "A threefold cord is not easily broken." It wasn't until tonight, that I realized this was for me as well. Being a third wheel in God's hands is powerful, not disheartening or drudgery.
Ahhhh, how Almighty God can breath life into what seems so negative. And make me see the priviledge it is to be that third person......
May 18, 2010
January 14, 2008
This Is Best
My first birthday without my husband was just months following his death. I was surrounded by family that day, and though their presence was a great comfort, oh, how my heart was aching. I remember just sobbing as the pain seemed to engulf me and no relief seemed in sight.
"Oh, Lord, if I didn't love him so much, this wouldn't hurt as much!" I thought.
Very clearly the response was "I love him more than you, and I said this is best."
"But the boys need their father!" I cried.
"And I love them more than you do, and I said this is best."
"But I hurt sooooo much, Lord!!!!"
And He tenderly answered, "And I love you more than you can ever imagine and I said this is best."
Many, many months have past since that day, but the Lord's words have stayed with me, wrapping me in security and love. He said this is best.I don't have to understand why, or have all the answers. I just know He loves me. It was that great love that held Him to the cross, not the nails. That amazing love that cleanses me and keeps me. And that love is enough.
May 17, 2010
Lord, I pleaded, I have sown so many tears for these people through the years and I feel like I am losing the fight. I called on other trusted prayer warriors for I felt the burden just so heavy.
Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation.
Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray.
My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.
I stopped and prayed out loud His Holy Word.....and it ministered to my soul. God hears me. I have a listening ear with the King of kings and Lord of lords!! He cares. He loves these people more than I do! He is my King--He rules over all. He is my God, my personal, loving God who knows me better than I know myself. And He reminds me to look up. He is working on this even as I prayed and wept. He was already working on it behind the scenes and I was reminded of truths He taught me before:
1) God is sovereign over satan's attacks; He is in control.
2) God will work and who shall let (stop or hinder) it?
3) Beauty will rise from the ashes.
Peace washed over me, peace that passeth all understanding. And I could rest in knowing He was working. That He was still on the throne and something beautiful would come out of this all.
Recently I was praying and fasting for a friend and her situation. It was a relatively short fast and yet mentally a tough one. God was amazing as usual and worked mightily. Once the "storm" was over I felt the Lord say it is finished and I planned to get some food that very night after an event. Just as we were leaving, a lady who had been recognized for her hard work and given flowers, divided her bouquet and gave me some of the flowers. I tried to decline to no avail. I finally accepted them as a little blessing from the Lord for following His leading to fast and pray. As we left the place, it was down pouring, literally sheets of water! I dreaded the drive home. Yet as we got gas before leaving town, it stopped. All the way home, no rain. Yet ten minutes after being home, down pouring again! Another gift from God. On the way home, we had another blessing. Because of the sudden and heavy raining, there was some flooding, and I suddenly came upon a lot of water on the road completely covering my lane. No oncoming traffic was coming so I could quickly drive out of it into the other lane. Again another gift from God this time in protection.
After I had the kids all tucked in bed, I sat listening to the rain. I felt so blessed. God called me to be a prayer warrior. When He tells me to pray, it is my duty to do so. When He tells me to fast also, it is my duty, as a soldier, to endure it. I didn't broadcast what I was doing. I just let my friend know she was covered in prayer. Another friend was my prayer partner and that was another blessing, we grew closer because of it. But only God knew the specific details of it all. He didn't need to give me anything. Just watching Him at work was enough. Just knowing I had been obedient was enough. Yet these blessings were sweet whispers to my heart, acts of love that said to me, "I am proud of you, my daughter". And what girl doesn't long for her Daddy to say that?!
May 13, 2010
Snapp told me this morning that if he could give me a trophy it would be the Burning Heart Award given to those who have a heart that is on fire for the Lord. He went on to say that he would give me the Accountable Award because God can count on me. Too cute! And the Helping Award because I help people. Such sweet compliments from my little man.
It is always interesting to me to see myself through my child's eyes. May I keep my eyes on Christ and be worthy of His reward.
May 05, 2010
"I wasn't scared; if a coyote or wolf got me, I'd go to Heaven. And if they didn't, I knew you'd be here at home. "
His words reminded me of a story I heard of a woman who was so calm as the ship she was on was caught in a violent storm. When asked later why she was so calm, she explained that she had one daughter in heaven and another waiting for her at port. She knew she was going to see one of them soon, she just didn't know which.
Help me, Lord, to trust in You and have no fear.
May 02, 2010
A visiting preacher preached this message and I will simply type out my notes as I wrote them:
Isaiah 43:10-13 10
Ye are my witnesses, saith the LORD, and my servant whom I have chosen: that ye may know and believe me, and understand that I am he: before me there was no God formed, neither shall there be after me.I, even I, am the LORD; and beside me there is no saviour. I have declared, and have saved, and I have shewed, when there was no strange god among you: therefore ye are my witnesses, saith the LORD, that I am God. I am a witness to the world for my God; I have a personal relationship with Him and am chosen to testify of Him. To tell the world there is no other saviour besides Him! Yea, before the day was I am he; and there is none that can deliver out of my hand: I will work, and who shall let it?
God asked Isaiah to do some crazy things for him; God does the abnormal:)
"I am he" God is reminding them of Himself. He defends Himself. Asking, Do you remember Me?
God is not only defensive, He is offensive. God pursues us, God seeks us! We separate the God of the old testament and of now, that is our own fault. God is the same God with the same heart for us.
I will work and who will let it? "Let" means to stop it or hinder it.
On my best day, I will disappoint you. There are people stronger than me, things stronger than me. Thankfully I am not making this promise. God is and that changes everything. God is the "I am" He told that to Moses and in the new testament He was telling the people "I am the way, I am the good shepherd, I am the bread of life" John 1:1 says He took nothing and made something.
My word is not like God's Word. Core men crumble; we are attacked. Our word means less and less. This is not a promise of a man. He will.......He has all the power of the God!!! Hollywood's idea is that there is a power struggle between God and satan. That is not truth! God has ALL Power!! With one breath He could inialate all evil. The devil doesn't influence God's Word. he can't change what God has said. It either has or will come to pass. It is settled in heaven.
We say try harder, try harder; yet they are just flesh and blood. In this flesh, I have nothing better. God says I will work. There is a law in scripture, God does the work. Man rests on the finish work. Rest on God. God's work is above what we can dream. Eph. 3:20 says before you even thought of it, God was at work. He tells us, I am able to do exceedingly, abundantly above what we ask or think. We don't think like God. God is not like us. When He makes a promise, He keeps it!
God works to build faith. Proving Himself over and over again. How many times you cry out to God and He answers. Then the next time you think, Oh, I don't think He can do it." God is working a work of holiness in us. Yet often when God works, we don't like how He does it. God is at work. He did a work, remember Elijah at Mt. Carmel? God has done a work in ME! God doesn't need my help; God is doing something and I want to be with Him to see it! God is not done with this church or with your family...He just doesn't work the way you do or think. God can resurrect the dead!! There is no greater work than the resurrection.
Who is going to stop God's work? Not you..you won't stop God. It is my loss, my missing out if I get discouraged. God will raise up another. He will work. God will put you thorough the fire. Where was God when Joseph was in prison? Oh, He was there; He put him there. See God was at work.
I Will Work
(The Person) (The Power) (The Potential)
May 01, 2010
The story in a nutshell is Elisha the prophet would often stay at this family's home and they ended up building a room and furnishing it just for him. In thanksgiving for their kindness, he asked God to give them a child as they had none. As a result, they have a son; later he gets sick and dies. After the boy dies, the mother goes to find the man of God. On her way, she is asked how she is and she replies, "It is well." She knew that God had breathed life into her womb and she had a son. That same God could breathe life into her son again. She knew God was going to do something. The preacher went on to say this, "Trials don't ruin a person; they reveal a person. When it looks dark for you and your church, God can breath supernatural life! In the darkness say, It is well! It is well because God is still on the throne. So it will always be well."
Wow! Powerful words.......today I was speaking with another person who grieves a loved one. She commented on God soveriegnty becoming more real to her and seeing more of His goodness every day. I agreed; it is like I can breathe again. It took me 4 yrs to reach this point; it took her 7 yrs. The Lord gets a person to this place in His timing as He has many personal lessons for each of us on the way.
April 26, 2010
1But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.
Another reminder that God created me, formed me in my mother's womb, called my name, redeemed me, and I am His!!! WOW! When I think of all this, really, why should I fear?
2When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. A well known verse when going through overwhelming times. Again God's promise to be with me!
4Since thou wast precious in my sight.........God views me as precious, His only Son's life was given for me!
5Fear not: for I am with thee.....In case I didn't get it all the other times, God is reminding me again, not to be afraid, He is with me, I am not facing anything alone!
7Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him. I am called a Christian, a child of God, I was created for His glory, not my own, for His. And every work He does in my life, even the things I feel are bad, are for my good and His glory.
10Ye are my witnesses, saith the LORD, and my servant whom I have chosen: that ye may know and believe me, and understand that I am he: before me there was no God formed, neither shall there be after me.
11I, even I, am the LORD; and beside me there is no saviour.
12I have declared, and have saved, and I have shewed, when there was no strange god among you: therefore ye are my witnesses, saith the LORD, that I am God.
I am a witness to the world for my God; I have a personal relationship with Him and am chosen to testify of Him. To tell the world there is no other saviour besides Him!
13Yea, before the day was I am he; and there is none that can deliver out of my hand: I will work, and who shall let it? There it is again, that verse. I still need to share part 2 on that. Anyway twice in the last week God brought this verse to my attention again. God, the Almighty God, will work. No one can stop Him, not me, not other sinful men, and not the devil.
15I am the LORD, your Holy One, the creator of Israel, your King. My king, too often I focus on the Lord as my friend (which He is) and neglect to reverance and fear Him as my King.
16Thus saith the LORD, which maketh a way in the sea, and a path in the mighty waters;
This verse always makes me think of this song: "God can make a way, when there seems to be no way, He works in ways we cannot see, He can make a way for me. He will be my guide, hold me safely to His side, with love and strength for each new day, He can make a way, He can make a way."
19Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. Two thoughts came to me as I read this: First, that God has done a new thing in my life. He took my dreams and hopes for the future and created them into something new. If He had asked my permission to turn my life upside down and take my beloved husband home, I would have shouted No, defiantly in His face. Thankfully, He didn't ask. This new thing, this walk of young widowhood, has been like a walk along a river in the desert. If I wander away from Him, I get very faint and thirsty, my mind gets confused and mirages of lies lure me away from my source of life. But when I stay close to Him, He keeps me refreshed and makes beauty show up in a desolate place. This new thing, has been good for me as He promised (Romans 8:28). The second thought was another chorus, "My Lord know the way through the wilderness, All I have to do is follow...Strength for day is mine all the way, all I have to do is follow.."
25I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins. My sins are many, dear reader, as are yours. I don't have to tell you mine, and you don't have to tell me yours. But the God who created us knows our sins, they grieve Him, they must be atoned, they must be paid for....thankfully God sent His only Son, Jesus Christ to come from Heaven to die on the cruel cross for my sins and your sins. Do you accept this wonderful gift of love? Do you believe Jesus was the Son of God and rose from the grave? He is at the right hand of God right now, awaiting all who will repent and call upon Him. Then.....he blots out all our sin by His blood and remembers them no more.....
April 18, 2010
He went on to explain what features of the toy reminded him of each person. I smiled at his creativeness and depth of thinking. It reminds me of his sentimental daddy.
Oh, the lessons we can learn from children.
When was the last time I looked for God in everything I saw? Now it is easy on a beautiful morning with the birds singing, or the hug from a friend when we are sad. But what about the ordinary things of the day? When I erase something, do I think of God erasing my sins? When I slip on my shoes, do I think of how God protects me where I go? When I answer the phone, do I think how God never is too busy to listen to me? When I get a drink, do I think about His Love that quenches my thirst? When I eat, do I think of His Word that nourishes my soul?
Like I said before, the lesson we can learn from children.
Lord, help me be more like my son and see you in everything in my life.
Recently at the checkout, as the word "Approved" flashed for me and I busied myself with my parcels, a still soft voice whispered to me. "Someday everyone will look at the Creator and await His answer. Approved or denied......."
Oh, the Spirit of Truth is always.........so true:) I praise God that the blood of Christ will speak for me and because it covers my sin I am "approved." For without that blood, I am too vile and sinful to enter and would surely be "denied."
As the old hymn says, "Have you been to Jesus for the cleansing power, Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb, Are you full trusting in His grace this hour, Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?"
It is my prayer for you, dear reader, to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and be saved! So when you stand before the Great Judge, you will be approved.
April 12, 2010
I will admit my first thought wasn't yes. But I went and watch some crazy boys play in the chilly water.
Some people say I need to turn away from the past and move forward. Yet the past is the key to going forward.
The day before my husband died, the boys wanted to take a walk in the woods. I had just done that with them 3 days previous and wasn't excited about the idea. Actually I didn't even plan on going; I felt exhausted as being pregnant will do to you. I planned to take a nap naturally. But the words of my husband stopped me and I went anyway. We had a great time exploring the woods and made a memory the boys have cherished. I almost missed it. It scares me I almost missed it. A little over 24 hours later, Jim was gone from us.......
What powerful words did Jim speak that changed my plans?
"What is so important?"
And that is the same thought that made me skip housework and play football.
right under Christ are my Bullet Creek Boys.