This is not the kind of post I enjoy writing. Chastisment is never enjoyable, yet is always needful, especially when we stray from God's ways. Recently in Ladies Bible study we have been learning about the languages of apology. With that comes unplanned moments of doing wrong to have opportunities to practice what we have learned. Yesterday I had one such moment.
They say "Confession is good for the soul; bad for the reputation." Yet God says "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."
I am deeply ashamed to admit it; I lost it. My patience and my temper that is. I got in the flesh and let my words fly. Death words, my preacher calls them. Words that are not ministering grace unto the hearers. I felt totally justified at the moment and totally grieved and smitten after the Lord's rebuke. I fled outside to vent to the Lord and get back what I knew I had lost. After I had my say, my Lord smote me with these words, "Who are you to speak to MY child like that?" Yikes!!!! The fear of the Lord trembled through me. Yet He is so right. So very right. My children are not my own, how many times have I given them over to Him? He created them. They are His. Deep sorrow and repentance swept over me. Tears burned hot salty trails down my cheeks. And I thought about the damage I had done. Sharp words are deadly and wounding. They echoe in the heart even years later, I personally know this. Yet I had been the inflictor. Shamefully, I confessed my grievous sins to my Lord. I had just gave the devil ammunition. And at any time he will use my words to shoot at this child. There is nothing I can do to take them back. All I can do is now is nurture my relationship with him and train the little warrior so he will be ready and armed when those bullets fly at him.
I am so thankful this child is so forgiving. I am so thankful that my God is too. This child's love language is touch. So it is vital to him in an apology to have those hugs. We headed to our favorite spot, the porch swing where we sat and talked. I didn't hid my tears and he hugged me tight. I held him tight and apologized, and I tried mightily to bandaged up those wounds. I know it will take awhile to heal and I am praying mightily that he stands strong when the devil throws them at him again. And just as mightily I am praying "Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips."