LORD, I Come to You

I know it has been much, much too long since I wrote.
Life gets so busy as I balance all the hats in my life, and I find myself not having as much free time on the computer. Another reason is that there has been some heavy private prayers on my heart that others have shared with me.  And I find that when I am carrying things like that I tend to cocoon myself. Maybe it is so I don't accidentally share what I shouldn't, maybe because by being silent it helps me hold back the tears, maybe some of what God shares with me or what I share with Him is so sacred though I long to share it words just don't do it justice. Whatever the reason, I know it has been toooooooo long since I blogged and journaled. I enjoy writing and it is very therapeutic for me.  There has been several times in the few months when I thought, " I so need to blog this."  It has happened enough that I come to my computer when I should be asleep and find the release of words so healing.




Where to start?


Why today of course.  I went to the mailbox and there was a simple sweet note from a sister-in-Christ and a sister-in-sorrow.  "Praying this will be an encouragement to you today!" and  the following was with it:




Lord, I Come to You
Read: John 6:65-69


" Lord, I come to You," ad my heart is comforted already, just in coming.
"Lord,"
my Saviour,
the Lord of my life, who knows, understands, and plans all for good, the One who has all the power I need for this hour.
"I come,"
so needy,
in my weakness and my inability,
with burdens pressing on my heart,
when my tongue cannot frame the words or utter my deep longings,
with tears of sorrow for my wretched failures, and needing forgiveness.
"To You,"
in trust, claiming Your promises,
in confidence, acknowledging that You know what You are doing in my life,
for comfort in the cares that fret and wear,
for strength to plod on faithfully and know this too shall pass.
"Lord, I Come to You," with gratitude that You are there.




I don't know who wrote this to give credit to at the moment.
But I know Who knew I needed it this day.
My Lord, my Best Friend, the Lover of my soul, my Jesus, my Saviour............
He knew and He had this come at just the right time.


LORD, I Come to YOU........

Silent but God is Very Busy

I have been silent on this blog for over 6wks but God has been very busy.
We finished up our homeschooling year and have been busy with yard work, house work, time with extended family, ministries, and various other things.

But just like when God seems silent, He is still busy;
when this blog is silent, God is still busy.
He has answered so many prayers this past several weeks. 
And I just stand in awe of His work in my family and the lives of others.

One of my goals this year is to study the fruit of the spirit more closely. In June I focused on LOVE.
The verse that stood out the most to me was "Charity is longsuffering and kind..." In application to my heart this was Love suffers long and is still kind. It isn't easy to be kind when God has allowedyou to suffer, but we can do all things through Christ.

Snipp has decided to work in the Bus Ministry as well as be a helper at Kids' Camp.
I love to hear him pray; and he's read through the Bible twice this year.  He is heading into 8th grade and is looking me in the eyes these days. He goes to youth camp soon and I look forward to the work the LORD will do there.


Snapp has battled mono this spring and we rejoice in God's healing. We saw a lot of wildlife in our own backyard and I love to see how Snapp reconizes God at work.  He is looking forward to camp and has such a tender heart to the Holy Spirit. I love hearing him sing to the LORD.

Snurr is tender one moment and rambuncious the next. Just this last Sunday after a sermon on the Christian home, speaking mostly on the roles of the husband and wife, Snipp rubs my back during invitation and says, "I think this sermon is good for widows too."  Then as tears start to come to my eyes, he looks at my face and says he's sorry for the way he's been disrespecting me.  Here I thought he was getting nothing out of the sermon. Just precious and the tears flowed down my face and dropped on my shoes.

There is much more I could write about but this is a snap shot of what God has been busy doing in my silence on this blog.

Have a Happy Independence Day!

 

      And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
   If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed. John 8:32,36

 

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage. Galatians 5:1

The Sun Shining on Your Soul

Little Snurr came into my room late last night.
He couldn't sleep.  He had a lot on his mind. So we prayed, me silently and him out loud.
How precious it is to listen to a child pray when they are pouring out their heart for others.
A cherished young girl we know is in the hospital, doctors are battling bacterial meningitis to try to save her life.  Each morning this son asks me if she has lived through another night.

So last night, once again he asked God to help her live another night, to lower the pressure in her brain and to keep it down.  He prayed for a man who he overheard saying that today was the anniversary of the day his son died by suicide. He prayed for his grandma who has throat issues so she could eat and swallow chicken again.  He prayed for uncles and cousins to be saved.  He prayed his little heart out. 

After a long pause, my 7yr old said, "Mom, I feel such peace inside."  After more silence he said it was fading a little.  We talked about being in the presence of God is like being in a throne room before God.  And how it is a special place.  I told him how just like we feel sunshine on our skin and it warms us, being in God's presence is like having the sun shine on our soul.  When we step in the shade we still feel warm for a little while then in fades.  It is like that when we step back from being very close to God's presence in prayer. 

Our talk turned to other things, especially the man whose son died.  Snurr went on to explain to me how when someone dies a part of your love for them has to die or you will do crazy things like want to die to be with them or try to crawl in their coffin.  He reassured me that part of your love that was spiritual will keep loving them then.  I can't remember all he said but through his conversation I could tell God has been working on his heart, accepting that his own father's death has a purpose for good and that a part of healing is not staying so attached to him that you want to die, but that you want to live.

Thank you, Lord, for speaking to my son's heart in a way only he would understand.
And thank you for letting us come before your throne and hearing our prayers.  Thank you for sunshine in our soul, for your peace that passeth all understanding.

Where Jesus Sits

As I prayed one fearful night, I felt the Lord so close, like He was sitting at the top of the J stairs (of course, right!).  I felt Him speak to my heart.  "I'll watch over him, you go get some rest."  I hesitated.  "Don't you trust Me?"  I do, but.............oh, Lord, help my unbelief.  I am afraid........."Be not afraid,  only believe." Jesus said in Mark 5:36

Then I see my Lord holding him.  He isn't awake and the Lord carries him to an alter.  He lays him there tenderly.  I think of Abraham laying his son on an alter. Then I see it.....the ram in the thicket.

With that thought fresh in my mind, I check on them all one last time. Trust Jesus and crawl into bed exhausted.

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As I prayed during prayer meeting, the above incident came to my mind, and I wondered if Jesus was in our church in bodily form, where would He sit?  The back pew so he could watch everyone?  The front pew eager to hear?  Next to the lonely or hurting?  I think He'd sit right next to our pastor.  He'd be Amening and cheering him on as he preached the message the Lord Himself gave him.

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What does the Bible say about where Jesus sits?

 Luke 2:46 And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions.

Luke 22:69 Hereafter shall the Son of man sit on the right hand of the power of God.

John 12:15 Fear not, daughter of Sion: behold, thy King cometh, sitting on an ass's colt.

Matthew 25:31 When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory:

Matthew 26:64 Jesus saith unto him, Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, Hereafter shall ye see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.

  Acts 2:30 Therefore being a prophet, and knowing that God had sworn with an oath to him, that of the fruit of his loins, according to the flesh, he would raise up Christ to sit on his throne;
 
Colossians 3:1 If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.

Revelation 3:21 To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.
Revelation 5:13 And every creature which is in heaven, and on the earth, and under the earth, and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, heard I saying, Blessing, and honour, and glory, and power, be unto him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb for ever and ever.

  Revelation 7:15 Therefore are they before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple: and he that sitteth on the throne shall dwell among them.


AMEN!

School's In; Give a Grin!

School is back in session for us!

The LORD gave me an awesome verse to focus on this year: Proverbs 2:20

"That thou mayest walk in the way of good men, and keep the paths of the righteous."

Isn't that my heart's desire for these men in the making to walk the path of good men, righteous men.

Glimpse of Hell

Last month something happened to one of my sons that will forever make hell more real to me.
I held my son as he cried out in pain from getting burned.  The torment on his face and his screaming was haunting...........For at least five minutes there was no comfort.  He clung to me and hollered and wailed. My heart broke for his agony as well as for my inadequacy to help him.  Finally God sent relief.  My son took huge gulps of air and was able to catch his breath.  And a gentle breeze greatly lessened the pain. Ten days later, the burn is all healed.  But the Lord let me see a glimpse of hell.

In hell there is no relief, no gentle breeze to lessen the pain, no one to cling to, and never any healing .....

Jesus told us in Luke 16:22-31 And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried;
And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.  And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame. But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented. And beside all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us, that would come from thence.
Then he said, I pray thee therefore, father, that thou wouldest send him to my father's house:
For I have five brethren; that he may testify unto them, lest they also come into this place of torment. Abraham saith unto him, They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.
And he said, Nay, father Abraham: but if one went unto them from the dead, they will repent.
And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead.
Jesus also said in Matthew 10:28 And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

 And again in Luke 12:5 But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.

Yes, God is love, but He is also just and He deserves our fear, not just our reverential respect but fear.
Jesus forewarned us because of His love for us.  He chose to lay down His life for us to provide the only way of escape.  Yet many will not be persuaded, though He rose from the dead.

Here is a very sobering thought:
They estimate that 6,974,000,000 people in the world. It is estimated that there is 2 billion Christians in the world. Only one in four Christians say they are born again as Jesus said we must be to go to heaven. So realistically only 7% of the worlds population or about 500, 000, 000 are really going to go to heaven when they die. 

It is said that an average of 107 people die each minute,
6,390 people die each hour,
153,000 people die each day,
1,071,000 people die each week.

So from this Sunday that you were in church till the next Sunday
 1 million 71 thousand people died and went to spend eternity in heaven or hell. 
And the reality is that only 7% if them are going to heaven. 
93% or 996 thousand souls (996,000) went to hell.

All of this mathematics is hard on my brain, BUT if we would just understand the simple statistic that every minute 107 people die and 100 of them go to hell!!! This is staggering. 

Hell is real and many people go there daily.  Are we forewarning others?  Are we reaching out in love?  My son is healed, but both of us got a glimpse of hell that day and I will forever be changed because of it.

Snurr's Lessons

As Snurr settled down for bed we reviewed lessons he had learned that day:

• Liquid soap is awesome at getting copper pipe to slide off your finger that didn't belong there in the first place.
• Messes take seconds to make and hours to clean up.
• Locking someone in the pump house or a room is just like kidnapping.
• Obey Mom the first time.
• Sometimes lost dogs come home on their own; and only God knows of their adventures.

As I left his room, I encouraged him to talk to God about things he did wrong that day and share about what he learned. A little while later, I heard the mumbled voice cry out, "Why? God, Why?"  As I listened, my youngest was pouring out his heart to Jesus about his daddy.......I walked in his room and just held him as he sobbed.  My tears joined him as he said, "It never hurt like this before." I have walked this road with his brothers; it isn't an easy one.  He has grown more in understanding so it is natural for the grief to go to a deeper level.

We talked about many things, I then shared with him how I used to pray for the Great Comforter to come and hold me all night when I hurt so much missing Daddy.  I told him how God was faithful and He did it, many, many times.  We hugged and I prayed over him, gave him a Daddy pillow to hug and wrapped him up in my favorite blanket.  Soon sleep came for Snurr.

My heart was heavy and my ache was raw again.  This is the hardest part of being a widow, feeling helpless as your children grieve their father.   I know the LORD loves Snurr more than I do and I know He promised to heal him.  But us moms get used to being able to fix all the hurts or shield our children from them to begin with.  Grief is a hurt that is so deep and so personal, all I can do is try to help him express his grief in a healthy ways and pray intensely for healing.

Burdens like this are too heavy for one woman.  I poured out my own heart to the LORD.  Then I shared my aching heart with some late-night praying sisters. Their prayers, words, and understanding were comforting.  One encouraged me to pray Jeremiah 29:11-13 with and for Snurr.  What sweet verses:   

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.  And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. 

This morning Snurr was in the same position he was when I last checked on him the night before.  He slept soundly all night.  Thank You, Jesus!  I told him about wanting to share some verses that a friend had shared with me.  I flipped to Jeremiah 49 by mistake and read verse 11: Leave thy fatherless children, I will preserve them alive; and let thy widows trust in me.

Isn't that a widow's fear?  That the grief will destroy the children.  That the enemy will use it to pull them from God.  The Lord will preserve the fatherless children.....AMEN!!!  Let thy widows trust in GOD.....isn't that what we learn to do with these grieving children?  Carry them to the altar and lay them in His arms, then pray and wait for healing to come. And it will come.  The Lord promised:
 Psalms 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

After I read Jeremiah 49:11, we smiled how God can use a mistake of mine to be exactly what we both needed to hear.  Then I went back to Jeremiah 29:11-13.  We discussed what it meant then I prayed it over him.  Later, I heard Snurr tell his brothers that the verses in Jeremiah brought him comfort and peace.  AMEN!!  God's Word is very much alive and at work.

Another lesson for Snurr.  A very, very important one.

 

"It is Finished."

Well, I shared before that we had some "evidence" that needed gotten rid of.
Resurrection Sunday we went to my brother's place and said good-bye to Jim's truck.
Some of you are probably going "Huh??"

7 years ago several weeks after Jim died I asked my brother if he would take Jim's truck out to his place.  It was sitting in a towing company's storage shed costing us money, but I wasn't sure what to do with it.  Again some of you maybe wondering why I didn't just junk it.

Simply put Jim died in that truck.
It was our last connection to him.

Snipp wanted it to complete it's journey home.
I didn't want it in my yard, but I wasn't read to say good-bye yet.

I wanted to touch the seat that had held my beloved when he left this earth.
My brother gave Snipp a center cap from the truck to suffice him for awhile.

He treasures it.

Snapp got older and wanted a center cap too.
He didn't know if he wanted it coming to our place.

Snurr grew and began to ask questions.
I asked my brother if there was one more center cap.
There was.  So now all three boys have a center cap with the Dodge Ram on it.

But the truck itself still sat. 
Then came the sermon I mentioned in an earlier post:
"Get rid of the evidence."
God laid it on my heart that it was time to junk the truck.
Stop keeping it; let it go.
It was our last connection to Jim.
But it was also a vivid reminder of the trama that caused Jim's death.

I discussed it with the boys.
They were all ready to have it leave.
Snapp wondered what junk yard it would go to and if there was still
any good parts on it.
Snipp said he could care less where it went.
Snurr wasn't so sure about all this.

We went and saw it one last time.
It was smashed up, worse than it was after the accident.
Seven years in the elements and getting moved several times
had taken their toll.

The older boys walked around it. Snurr stood by my side for awhile.
Snipp was the first to be done and walk away.
No emotion.  It was just a pile of metal now.

Snapp still found some good parts then shrugged his shoulders.
He gave me a hug and walked to the house.

Snurr walked around it and around it.  Many emotions came to his face.
Wonderment, sadness, even a mischievious grin.
Finally he stood by me, raised his hand and gave a little wave.
Then he walked away, looking back at me every so often.

Alone with the truck. I walked closer and touched the headrest.
Images of what those last seconds were like came once again.........
The longing came again, wishing I could have held him as he left this world.

Then I heard the words my preacher had said in his message that morning,
"Why seek ye the living among the dead.......if you've had a love one die, they aren't dead.  They are very much alive!!!"  I was looking at a crushed up truck, like the women who went looking for Jesus' body. 

I closed my eyes and smiled. 
Jim is alive. Reigning with the King!!
I turned and walked away never looking back.

Holding a Bit of Heaven

I held a baby today,
the son of a dear friend,
a precious little boy who the doctors said wouldn't live this long. They were wrong.
They didn't factor in what the LORD might have planned. Instead of the little fellow having heart surgery, the LORD has used this difficult situation to work on the hearts of hundreds of others. 

As I gazed into this little bundle of miracle, I was captured by his eyes. They were the eyes of the wise.  What sweet secrets had the Father whispered to him?  His eyes seem to have a message to tell, yet God hasn't planned for him to grow up to preach it. For the LORD has chosen to show us that message instead, yet it is not just one message, it is a thousand personal messages to a thousand different people. Each one loved so grandly by the LORD. Just like He loves this little bit of heaven.

Christian parents all have the ultimate goal for each of our children to do two things: Point others to Jesus and live with Jesus in Heaven.  This little baby is fulfilling the first and will soon do the second.  The Lord in His tenderness is giving this family a special time to make treasured memories.  He is giving them days full of grace moments to store up in their hearts for the days ahead when the tears will flow like rivers and their arms will be aching and empty. 

The Lord is giving them extra time to hold their son.  It is a miracle.  Yet another miracle goes by unseen.  For the LORD, the Creator of all, the Almighty God, is holding them. Tenderly, Lovingly, Securely holding them all.....

I held a little bit of heaven today.  It was a blessing I shall never forget.

Survival

Every soldier is trained in survival.
What to do if you find yourself alone behind enemy lines.
How to stay alive and get out.

That is much how I feel about grief.
It is survival, especially at the first heartbreaking blow.
You do feel all alone, no matter how many others are around you.
And the only way out, or to healing, is to press through.

Recently, I once again shared with a grieving family my survival tips.
I don't think I have shared them on here before so here they are:

• B-R-E-A-T-H-E  I found that it hurt to breathe at times or that I would almost forget to breathe deeply at times.  For the children's sake, I knew I had to keep breathing. There were times that I felt I had so much to do and it overwhelmed me.  I would tell myself, "All I got to do is breathe."

• Run and cling to JESUS.  This wasn't always easy, the pain was so great.  But just like a parent responds to a newborn's cry, our loving Lord responds to our deep groanings.  Many times I cried out for the LORD to just hold me up. He did. I would curl up in a chair and ask the Great Comforter to hold me all night. He has been faithful.
 
• People told me to take it one day at a time.  Are you kidding me?! A day is full of minutes, 1440 minutes to be exact, and each minute can be agonizing.  So I made my own saying, "One moment at a time, one breath at a time, one prayer at a time." And I told myself this often.
 
These three basic survival tips helped me through those first hours and days and even weeks after my husband died. Then as a grieving parent with children who were grieving, I learned more survival tips:
 
• I asked the LORD to give me, from scripture an answer I could give the children when they asked why. Again He was faithful.
 
• The LORD also showed me how helpful it was to the children to have journals to draw in.  It really helped me to understand what was going on inside them.
 
• He also showed me that it was comforting to them and to me, to have me read books to them. So we read tons of books.
 
•  I clung to promises from the LORD and shared many with the boys. For over half a year, I read the Psalms. And I was given promise after promise to help me, comfort me, give me hope, and help me feel understood.
 
• I made us go to church.  I will admit.  It was a battle some days.  But once we got there, I felt strengthened.  Even when we had bad days and I was in the nursery more than I was in the church services, we kept going. 
 
• I journaled.  To me, writing helps me sort out the tangled twine of emotions and thoughts.  God knows me and He knows I needed to cry and write, write and cry.  These two things were essential to my personal healing. When I didn't journal or cry for awhile, when I stuffed it all down inside, it would make me easily angered or upset or almost paralyze my thinking. Writing would unbury those feelings.
 
• We filled the house with music.  We played it all night and left music playing while we were gone.  It filled the emptiness with something soothing.

So there you all have it.  My brief but necessary survival tips of grief. 

With Charity

"Let all your things be done with charity." 1 Corinthians 16:14

This verse has been on my heart ever since my God Date earlier this week.
It has guided my tongue and smitten my heart. It has had me examine my motives and my relationships.

"Let all your things be done with charity."

"Let all your things be done with charity."

"Let all your things be done with charity."

"Let all your things be done with charity."

I know it seems repetive but we need to slow down and really read the Bible sometimes. Emphasis the bold words each time. Don't you just feel it sink into your heart?

Charity is love, not the "I love what you do for me." kind of love, but the love when they can't do anything in return kind of love. The love of the Lord flowing out of you to others. I should be know as a Christian, a Christ follower, by my love.

Isn't that what Christ said?
"By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." John 13:35

And not only to those outside my home, but within my home, I must ooze the love of God in all that I do and say. I haven't arrived at the all part yet, but it is my goal, my banner on the horizon I am striving for.

"Let all your things be done with charity."

Father's Day Recap

There has been so much going on with extended family that this year's Father's Day creeped up on me. There was several things I intended to do that didn't get done. Yet over all, this 7th Father's Day without Jim was a good day.

Everything was our normal Sunday morning till after church. We went to Pizza Hut and ordered our family order of cheese sticks cut in half like Daddy used to get after church. Then we headed to a special place Daddy would go on his lunch breaks and read his Bible. It is near the river and we observed wildlife after we finished eating. We stopped by my folks' place to drop off something for my dad. He was resting which was okay. (He has been going through radiation treatments after having a tumor removed.)

Then we went home planned to watch the Daddy movie. It didn't want to work in our VCR, so we watch a home video of Jim's high school graduation open house. It was funny and interesting to see everyone so much younger and see what car Daddy had. Then we watched the Daddy DVD that my in-laws made us. There are various songs set to a slide show of picture of Jim. It is precious! I cried some, but they were sweet tears. Jim was such a loving husband, a devoted, and fun-loving father. And the pictures show it.
After this, Snapp wanted to try on Daddy's boots. So we looked through 2 tubs of clothes. Snapp tried on Daddy's boots and 2 different pairs of coveralls. We also found the winter hat that is in "That Hat". It was just sweet time.
Later after church, we went for a walk and crossed the walking bridge. It turned out to be such a good day.
Earlier in the day, Snapp had said to me he loves Father's Day. I was a little surprised by this. He said he loves it because he feels closer to Daddy on Father's Day. Isn't that neat? It is a special day to him instead of a sad day.

Thank You, Lord, for just being so faithful. For turning what could be a sad day into a special day. You are so awesome.

Don't Quit

Here is one of my favorite poems.

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Author unknown

Father's Day 2011

Saturday night on the way to prayer meeting, I asked the boys what they'd like to do to honor Daddy on Father's Day. After much discussion with many ideas, we decided first thing was new flowers at the roadside memorial and at Daddy's grave. So after prayer meeting, we shopped. We found pretty arrangements for the roadside memorial and then each boy picked out an individual flower for Daddy's grave. As we drove toward home, it was decided that we'd be adventurous and put the flowers out tonight even though it was dark, because tomorrow we'd be in our nice church clothes and shoes. Then it began to rain and the closer we got to the roadside memorial, the harder it rained. I questioned the boys if they really wanted to do this, and they did. I pulled off the road so our headlights shined partially down in the ditch. We came up with a game plan to get the task done as quickly and efficiently as possible. Then after several cars and a heavy down pour, we leaped from our vehicle and scurried down the side of the road. As I ran in the darkness, I shouted, "We sure love you, Daddy!" Then we went down into the high grass of the ditch and finally reached our destination. We all worked together and gathered up the faded and weather-worn flowers and set up our new arrangements. Then we scurried through the chest-high sea of grass and back up the side of the ditch. Once on the shoulder of the road again, we sprinted hand in hand back to the vehicle. Laughter and the smell of soaked clothes and wet hair filled our vehicle as I turned up the heat. "We are crazy!!" Snipp said smiling. And the boys chattered all the way home about our adventure as lightning streak across the sky.

Since we were already wet, we stopped at Promise Land Cemetery and each of the boys put out their flowers they had picked out : orange Calla Lillies, white roses, and a single large blue rose. Again we gathered up faded weather-beaten flowers to throw away.

Sunday morning we drove by the cemetery and roadside memorial to see our handiwork. They looked beautiful in the sunlight. Snipp shared later that he felt the tears come as we drove by the roadside memorial with the DAD flower arrangement. Understandable..........that word is more personable than his father's name that's written on the cross. (Reminds me of when we made a sign that said MY HONEY, OUR DADDY and put it by Jim's grave. Snipp was 5 then and had stopped calling Jim Daddy but was using his name instead. "Because I wish it was someone else's daddy,"he had told me. "I wish it wasn't my honey either," I had said. Then we made the sign to remind us of reality. And Snipp stopped calling his dad Jim and just called him Dad or Daddy again. )

Church went well. Little Snurr made a card that said, "I love you, Dad! You are a winner!" and had a little metal taped in it that said winner with a star.

After church, we did Daddy's tradition of getting cheese sticks from Pizza Hut then we headed to the place where Daddy would go on his lunch breaks and read his Bible. We had a nice picnic there.

As we travelled home, boys got ornery with each other and I knew we all needed a nap before we had the next adventure: get out the slip-n-slide.
After nap time, which I needed just as much or more than the boys did, we got out the slip-n-slide which was a birthday gift to me from a sweet friend. She had said, "Have fun with the boys. Make a memory" And we did. I finally got up courage and went down it three times.

We took Daddy's Bible to Sunday evening service as we sometimes do. Snapp took out Daddy's picture and looked at it alot. During the sermon, there was some behaviour issues with the boys. Then afterward church, while the boys played outside tempers flared, voices got whiny, and the stress of the day was showing in the boys. I just wanted to get them home. But as we piled in the vehicle, I felt God prompting me to go get ice cream. "After their behaviour? They don't deserve ice cream." I argued. MERCY was the answer spoken to my heart. So I headed to DQ. The boys asked me several times where I was going when I didn't turn toward the home. "Mercy" was all I said. As we pulled into the drive through, I heard the boys humbly getting right with each other and apologizing for their meanness to each other. Sweet. So we headed home cool ice cream and I reminded them of how sometimes on the way home from church, Daddy had gotten dishes of chocolate ice cream too.

We arrived home to our yard full of lightning bugs and the boys ran and caught several. Then Snurr caught two toads. The big one kept getting out of every contain we tried to keep him in. Finally, we moved inside and tried him in the tub. Ha! He couldn't escape! So the two toads were allowed to spend the night in the tub. We then snacked, had devotions, and read some more of Lassie Come-Home.

Again as time and Jesus heals our hearts, we had more smiles than tears on this day when the world points out that we have our Daddy missing. Repercussions will come. Tears will fall. We will draw in our daddy journals and share and hug. God Word says "he makes everything beautiful in his time." And we are seeing glimpse of that more and more, the longer we travel this journey.

The Fear of the LORD

I will admit it, I have been missing Jim more lately. I have come to accept that a part of me will always long for my beloved. But the ache of that seems to come stronger at times. I am five years out on this journey and yet there are still memories that I have to face for the first time at times. Recently I had another of those experiences where I ran into and fell as I faced another memory and walked through it without him.

I was able to stuff the emotions and memories till the next morning when I was alone in my quiet time. Then the all too familiar ache seemed to swell within me and the tears overflowed. Experience has taught me to embrace rather then fight these grief waves. So I poured out my heart to my LORD and let the rivers run down my face. Peace came, comfort came.

My mind often wonders what Jim would think or say about various events that happen in our world. I have even challenged my children to ask themselves what would Daddy think of this? I do not believe in communicating with the dead. I do believe though that my God knows my heart and knows Jim's heart and can whisper to me what God would have told him to tell me. I don't know if any of you except other widows can understand what I mean.

There are several areas in my life that I long to hear Jim's thoughts on. This past weekend I feel like God answered them. And it all came back to the Fear of the LORD.

My husband was once quite rebellious toward God. Once he got right with his LORD though, his healthy fear of LORD ran deep, along side his deep love for Christ. He didn't write or underline much in his Bible but the verses he did were often on pride and fearing the Lord.

I feel like if Jim could send me a note from heaven today it would read:

Hey, Hon! It's me! I can't wait for you to be here! Till then though I want you to listen to me carefully. Fear the LORD and teach the boys to Fear the LORD.

It will make all difference in your service to the King, in your lives down there.

He loves you so much! We'll be there to meet you when you come.

Love ya!

Jim

Tears

My son and I had a talk tonight about tears. To him they seem babyish and he feel embarrassed being around those who are crying and is afraid he will cry too. To me tears are a release, a cleansing, an expression of feelings there are no words for...........One time, a couple years ago one of my sons told me that my tears made him to know that it was okay for him to still be missing Daddy too. Tears.........I decided to do a word search on tears and see what God's Word said about them. Here is the unedited list, all 35 verses:



Search for: tears (35 verses)

2 Kings 20:5 Turn again, and tell Hezekiah the captain of my people, Thus saith the LORD, the God of David thy father, I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will heal thee: on the third day thou shalt go up unto the house of the LORD.



Esther 8:3 And Esther spake yet again before the king, and fell down at his feet, and besought him with tears to put away the mischief of Haman the Agagite, and his device that he had devised against the Jews.



Job 16:20 My friends scorn me: but mine eye poureth out tears unto God.



Psalms 6:6 I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.



Psalms 39:12 Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were.



Psalms 42:3 My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God?



Psalms 56:8 Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?



Psalms 80:5 Thou feedest them with the bread of tears; and givest them tears to drink in great measure.



Psalms 116:8 For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.



Psalms 126:5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.



Ecclesiastes 4:1 So I returned, and considered all the oppressions that are done under the sun: and behold the tears of such as were oppressed, and they had no comforter; and on the side of their oppressors there was power; but they had no comforter.



Isaiah 16:9 Therefore I will bewail with the weeping of Jazer the vine of Sibmah: I will water thee with my tears, O Heshbon, and Elealeh: for the shouting for thy summer fruits and for thy harvest is fallen.



Isaiah 25:8 He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD hath spoken it.



Isaiah 38:5 Go, and say to Hezekiah, Thus saith the LORD, the God of David thy father, I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will add unto thy days fifteen years.



Jeremiah 9:1 Oh that my head were waters, and mine eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people!



Jeremiah 9:18 And let them make haste, and take up a wailing for us, that our eyes may run down with tears, and our eyelids gush out with waters.



Jeremiah 13:17 But if ye will not hear it, my soul shall weep in secret places for your pride; and mine eye shall weep sore, and run down with tears, because the LORD'S flock is carried away captive.



Jeremiah 14:17 Therefore thou shalt say this word unto them; Let mine eyes run down with tears night and day, and let them not cease: for the virgin daughter of my people is broken with a great breach, with a very grievous blow.



Jeremiah 31:16 Thus saith the LORD; Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears: for thy work shall be rewarded, saith the LORD; and they shall come again from the land of the enemy.



Lamentations 1:2 She weepeth sore in the night, and her tears are on her cheeks: among all her lovers she hath none to comfort her: all her friends have dealt treacherously with her, they are become her enemies.



Lamentations 2:11 Mine eyes do fail with tears, my bowels are troubled, my liver is poured upon the earth, for the destruction of the daughter of my people; because the children and the sucklings swoon in the streets of the city.



Lamentations 2:18 Their heart cried unto the Lord, O wall of the daughter of Zion, let tears run down like a river day and night: give thyself no rest; let not the apple of thine eye cease.



Ezekiel 24:16 Son of man, behold, I take away from thee the desire of thine eyes with a stroke: yet neither shalt thou mourn nor weep, neither shall thy tears run down.



Malachi 2:13 And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.



Mark 9:24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.



Luke 7:38 And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment.



Luke 7:44 And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.



Acts 20:19 Serving the Lord with all humility of mind, and with many tears, and temptations, which befell me by the lying in wait of the Jews:



Acts 20:31 Therefore watch, and remember, that by the space of three years I ceased not to warn every one night and day with tears.



2 Corinthians 2:4 For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote unto you with many tears; not that ye should be grieved, but that ye might know the love which I have more abundantly unto you.



2 Timothy 1:4 Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I may be filled with joy;



Hebrews 5:7 Who in the days of his flesh, when he had offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto him that was able to save him from death, and was heard in that he feared;



Hebrews 12:17 For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.



Revelation 7:17 For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.



Revelation 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

New Year's Eve

Our New Year's Eve was a school day! Every year around New Year's Day, we make lapbooks titled All About Me. I misplaced the CD with files on it we used for our lapbooks last year. God had other plans, and I found some really neat ideas thanks to the web. Some of them include God's recipe for me cards, personalized children's stories, What would I buy if I had..., My heart belongs to..., Things I would like to do when I grow up, These are a few of my favorite things, Helping Hands mini-book made from tracing of the children's hands, and more. I also traced the boys' feet on the back of the lapbooks and we listed all the places those feet go. It was a fun way to get us back in the school groove.

Then as dusk fell my boys grew excited for the New Year's Eve party Snurr had wanted in his room. We snacked as we recalled all the events of this last year good and bad. Then I put up my 2011 year at a glance door calender. We looked at the events coming this year, marked certain breaks, checked what days birthdays and certain holidays fell on, and shared some personal goals. Then came the main event: getting Daddy's model cars down from the attic. The Lord is so precious! On top of the boxes I was looking for was a smaller box marked Collector Cars. The boys were super excited!!! We impatiently opened it and discovered many Hot Wheel cars that Daddy had collected. This was the highlight of the evening for them. We did look at Daddy's models and called Grandpa and Uncles to get more knowledge on some of our discoveries. The boys were able to see his careful, detailed work that took time and patience. It was a sad and sweet time connecting with things that once matter much to Jim. How we wished to hear the stories behind them from his own mouth...

Goodbye 2010! Thank You so much Lord for guiding us through it! Hello, 2011! I don't know what you bring, but I know my Lord is already there and that makes all the difference....

JoySmile

Little Snurr gave me the biggest JoySmile. We were in the restroom and he kindly gave paper towels for me to dry my hands on. Then while he was washing up, I got paper towels for him to dry his hands with. He smiled so sweetly.

Then that cute-as-a-button little guy said, "Will you be my friend forever?" as he slipped his hand into mine. "

"Absolutely, I will!" I assured him.

As we caught up with his brothers he proclaimed, "Mommy is going to be my friend forever!!"

I know that he will not always feel like this. But for the moment I basked in the glow of his smile and his assurance of my friendship.

Shields of the Earth

Psalms 47:9 The princes of the people are gathered together, even the people of the God of Abraham: for the shields of the earth belong unto God: he is greatly exalted.



We read this verse the other day and had and interesting discussion about shields in general and this unique phrase "shields of the earth." Little Snurr spoke up and said he thought it was when Jesus wraps his arms around you in a hug, like this he stated and gave himself the tightest hug. "Then you are all cuddled up inside,"he said.



Now there is a pictures in words for you......................just precious to my heart.

Family Verses

After many family discussions and everyone's impute,
here is a little something we are focusing on as a family this year: