April 16, 2014

I Want That Mountain Part 2

So last weeks lesson was on conquering the mountain of Attitude.
Oh, wow, did God prepare me for this one.
From having a day were everything seemed to go wrong and me having a bad attitude about it, to kids with attitudes, to students with attitudes right before I began the lesson, I am thoroughly convinced attitude is something we work on constantly to keep in right.

I heard John Bishop speak and he said, "God is always good; God is always right."  There is truth to that statement.  Psalm 119:68 Thou art good and doest good....

So to keep a good attitude we need to remember God will make everything work out for good. 

This week's lesson is on conquering anger.
After eating humble pie last week, I thought this week would be easier.
But God has a way of making sure I learn the lesson before I teach it.
Anger is probably one of the biggest mountains to conquer.
And I know I am not alone when I say, I struggle with this.
Other people don't met our expectations and we get angry.
That isn't right.  But what is just as serious is many of us are walking around
angry at God and we don't admit it.
Pain happens in this life; this life never promised to be fair.
But we have expectations and we have our idea of how things should be.
When God orchestrates different, we get angry.

It took me a long time to admit I was angry at God for allowing my husband to not live longer on this earth.  I was angry that he wasn't here for me and the children.  I was angry that God took Jim sooner than I was willing to let him go. I remember the day before our third son was born.  I was an emotional mess.  I woke up having contractions and told my midwife stubbornly that I didn't want to have this child without Jim. Then we discovered I had a lot of water in my basement.  I stormed upstairs. My bewildered parents and sister-in-law stared at me as I shouted, "I'm going to talk to my dead husband!!" I hurried down the steps and headed to his grave.  And there I sobbed and sobbed saying, "You are suppose to be here for this!!!!"  I was so angry Jim wasn't here.  After a lot of tears, I went back inside and told everyone I was ok.  My dad dealt with the basement and my contractions stop.  My poor body probably decided it wasn't safe for the little fellow to be born yet.  Everything turned out ok.  My dad got the water pumped out and after I got the other boys asleep, I talked to the LORD once again.  "Ok, if we are going to do this, let's do it" In the early morning hours, my third son was born.  And I exited the black hole of grief, and entered a different chapter of single mom with three boys.  But emotionally I was kicking and screaming about it  on the inside as loudly as my newborn was on the outside.  I felt cheated.

Many, many difficult things have happened since then.  And God spoke to my heart twice on this.
Once was on my first birthday without Jim.  He simply told me this was best and he loved me and my boys more than I will ever understand.  The other time was in more recent years, when I said once again, "Jim is suppose to be here for this."  And God simply whispered to my heart, "No, he isn't."
Smack!  God's 2x4 cushioned with love smacked my heart and mind.  That is true.  God's plan was for Jim to not be here; it is what is best.  God is all wise and all loving.  He has a plan.  Not just a good plan, but the best plan.

So anger is a big mountain to conquer.  It requires focusing on God and who He is and letting go of what I think I am entitled to.  It is letting go of expectations and trust God to do what is best for me and mine.

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