May 10, 2008


“Just look me in the eye,” Snipp said when I asked how to help him do his best when his Sunday School class sang in front of church. “Okay!” Snipp has always been anxious about people looking at him, so I knew this would be tough. But we’d been practicing and his teacher had song sheets to look at.

The day arrived and as he nervously went up on the platform with his small class, I smiled big and tried to catch his eye. About one line into the first song, Snipp looked up at me and the look in his eyes said, “There is a tsunami coming and I can’t stop it!!!” And in 3.5 seconds the grief wave hit. Snipp held his song sheet up in front of his face, but his shoulders shook with his sobs and we all knew of his tears. He tried to subdue them to no avail. My heart just broke and I cried with him when everything within me wanted to run to my firstborn and take his pain and fear away. I stayed in my seat and cried and prayed. It took a lot of courage for him to not run off the platform and hid. He just held the song sheet in front of his face as the grief wave tossed his emotions about. Toward the end of the last song, he clenched his fist to his side as a sign of his determination to squelch the tears and sing. Finally, it was over and as they came down, I met him at the back of church and guided him outside to hug and talk.
What had brought on this grief wave??? Was it that Daddy wasn’t here to be smiling at him from his seat? Was it because Grandpa didn’t make it because he was in the hospital? Was it because his uncle he had invited had to work instead? Was it due to nervousness that overwhelmed him?
According to Snipp, it was EVERYTHING! All the above, plus the absence of his mother praying with him ahead of time. I just held him and apologized for not doing so, and told him how sorry I was all the people he wanted to be there couldn’t. And I cried some more silently and prayed for the Lord to heal the hurts I couldn't. Finally, we were both calmed down and I walked him downstairs to Jr. Church then returned to my seat. More tears silently slid from my eyes. "Oh, Lord, I just hurt for him."

A couple hours later we were home again and as he changed into play clothes, I heard Snipp singing. Mind you, he wasn't timidly singing or just humming, but belt-it-out-with-gusto singing "HE'S ABLE! HE'S ABLE! I KNOW HE IS ABLE! I KNOW MY LORD IS ABLE TO CARRY ME THROUGH! " Now just to clarify this wasn't one of his songs he was to have sung earlier at church. But to me it was as if the Holy Spirit was rallying Snipp to remember that He will carry him through anything he faces no matter how heartbreaking or scary. And as I listened I was reminded of the rest of the song, "He heals the broken hearted, and He sets the captives free, He made the lame to walk again and caused the blind to see." Oh, thank You, Jesus, You are able to carry us through.

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