Psalms 138:7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me.
My pastor preached Sunday about Revival. He quoted a man who said, "Go home, draw a circle around yourself, and ask God to revive everything inside that circle." During invitation, I knelt at the pew I was in. I was the only one in that pew and I felt God so close to me.
As I prayed for God to revive me, I felt Him speak to my heart to obey what He had told me to do. I had to think for a moment, but then I knew what He was talking about. Two weeks ago during prayer meeting I was praying out loud, I was about to say "Thank You for this church family." But as I said thank you, I felt God prick my heart to say Thank you for taking Jim..............well I didn't. It was such a private thing to say in front of others. It is such a difficult thing to think let alone verbalize. So I caught my breath and then just thanked God for my church family.
So Sunday I knew what I was suppose to do. So verbally out loud I told God thank You for taking Jim. Then the wave of tears came and I wept. The tears were of mixed emotions: grief, gratefulness, humility, brokenness. Without Jim in my life, I have pursued Christ in a way I never did when Jim was here.
I still miss Jim so much. Even in typing those words, tears come yet again. A part of me became crippled when he left my side. But the Lord used that crippling to draw me closer to His side. And draw others to Himself as well. There is so many ripples that God knew about that I didn't.
In Sunday School we have been studying about the miracles of Christ. Time and time again He is healing people and GOD is glorified. But there are times, when the Lord allows people to be crippled either physically or deep within their soul so He is glorified. The LORD continues to teach me how to thrive in Him. To find my completeness in Him. But He also understands the grief in my heart that makes me walk with a limp in my soul.