Surrender

So once again I was at prayer meeting.
Pouring my heart about many burdens.
Again I felt God telling me to verbally thank Him out loud for taking Jim.
Surrender, yield.......I want to do that to my Lord.
Yet I found the words stuck in my throat and without realizing it I began shaking my head.
But I wanted to say it. I needed to say it..........
More shaking of the head and tears overflowed.
My throat grew tight.
He was asking me to say what I knew I needed to. 
But for what seemed like a forever moment all I could do was look down and shake my head.


I took deep breaths and forced my voice to speak.
"Thank You for taking Jim........................
(many tears poured down my face, I took a breath and continued)
"cuz' I wouldn't know You like I do...."


I don't remember what else I said.
I finished and a brother-in-the-Lord gave me a box of Kleenex.
I felt the Lord Himself had given them to me.
Now that He had me dealt with me spiritually,
He was taking care of my physically.
And yet I also became aware of others around me again.
Because when I was battling surrendering and speaking those words,
everyone disappeared to me.  It was like God and I were alone.


After awhile, while others prayed, I felt my Heavenly Father beckoning me to go to a special place.
It is where I feel like I am a little girl again and am being held in my Eternal Father's arms.
I went to that spot and just let the tears flowed.


My pastor walked by me and gently patted me.
A gesture of care. Simple and yet I felt like My Eternal Father was patting my back.
Like Jim used to with the boys......
I could hear him say, " It's okay. God's got ya! It's okay."
More tears slipped down my face.
I leaned my head against the organ and just rested in my Heavenly Father's arms.
A little while later another brother-in-the-Lord gave me a Kleenex.
The tears were close to stopping.


But it was again like the Lord was speaking to my heart.
"Now that we got our business done on that, it is time for you to weep for someone else.