God Time

Oh, how painfully good is self examination. On Resurrection Sunday, we celebrated the Lord's Supper. During the time of examination before hand, the Lord really pricked my heart. Actually it felt more like a lovingly smack of "I love you too much to have this kind of thinking." One of the biggest burdens for my sons I feel is for them to have Guy Time. But what mom wants to beg others to spend time with her children? My heart cries that what they need is their father, a godly man that loves them and understands them. God, very bluntly said, "I am a father to the fatherless." Yes, but......they need time with men down here. "Have you let Me be their father?" Ouch! Have I? Has my own determination to find others to substitute for their father's influence blinded me from looking to the Great I AM. "I AM a Father to the fatherless." I have been missing a vitally important aspect in my parenting-- God Time. Oh, we do devotions together and study the Bible in school. But have I taught them, shown them, actively drawn them to seek their Heavenly Father?????? To go to Him with every joy, every fear, every struggle??? Have I taught them to read His Word expecting to be touched by His Word as if it was a letter written to them from their earthly father? Isn't that what God's Word really is? A letter written in love to us by Our Heavenly Father??? As these words penetrated the painful disappointments of unmet expectations, I felt the Father's humbling arms surrounding me. "Let go of your expectations, and let me be the Great I AM." At the close of the service we sang Amazing Grace. I tried, but the lump in my throat made it impossible. Of all the songs, this one! This one that my sweet husband would sing as a lullaby to the boys. I looked down at my oldest son and saw the pleasant memory in his eyes of his father holding him and singing the words softly. There wasn't longing there; just a feeling of being surrounded by love. It was as if the Lord Himself was holding us in His arms rocking us gently, letting me cry it out, and once again letting us find rest and comfort from Him.

Missing

The house was dreadfully quiet. Where did those little munchkins go that had been so determined to complicate my simple task? One appeared quietly. "Where's your brothers?" I inquired. "I don' know,"came the answer with a shrug. Noticing the kitchen door open, I checked outside. No one. After a call upstairs, another son appeared. But fear began to grip my heart as Snipp, Snapp and I searched the house, and memories flashed in my mind. "Please, Lord, no...." I ran outside again and hollered. My heart pounded and a familiar thought came to mind, "What if God allows what I fear most to happen again?"

To my relief, little Snurr came toddling out from around the front porch barefooted on the swampy lawn. I raced through puddles and slick mud and scooped him up. Tears overflowed and ran down my cheeks as I hugged him to my chest. "Thank You, Jesus!!!!" Inside I trembled at God's Sovereignty and protection. How often must I be taught how precious a life is, how temporary a task really is, how the little things can make such a huge difference. With my voice tight with emotion, I lightly reprimanded the older boys on the importance of keeping the kitchen door closed. Then Snipp asked,"Why are you crying, Mom?" I couldn't answer. The healthy reminder of reality that I am not in control and God is GOD was still so fresh. And how does one describes a mother's heart to a son anyway?

End of the Rope

I remember back in high school a poster hung on the wall in my college prep. class. It said, "When you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot in it!" I often feel like I come to the end of the rope and do my best to tie a knot in it. Yet after awhile, I begin to feel weak. "Oh, Lord, You've got to help me; I am going to fall!!" I cry out. Some times He comes and wraps His strong arms around me and holds me secure. Other times He tells me to just fall and He will catch me. That is the more difficult times. Yet He always, always catches me safe in His arms. I will admit, falling is a scary and lonely feeling. Yet being caught and carried in the arms of God is just too amazing for words.