March 24, 2008
Oh, how painfully good is self examination. On Resurrection Sunday, we celebrated the Lord's Supper. During the time of examination before hand, the Lord really pricked my heart. Actually it felt more like a lovingly smack of "I love you too much to have this kind of thinking." One of the biggest burdens for my sons I feel is for them to have Guy Time. But what mom wants to beg others to spend time with her children? My heart cries that what they need is their father, a godly man that loves them and understands them. God, very bluntly said, "I am a father to the fatherless." Yes, but......they need time with men down here. "Have you let Me be their father?" Ouch! Have I? Has my own determination to find others to substitute for their father's influence blinded me from looking to the Great I AM. "I AM a Father to the fatherless." I have been missing a vitally important aspect in my parenting-- God Time. Oh, we do devotions together and study the Bible in school. But have I taught them, shown them, actively drawn them to seek their Heavenly Father?????? To go to Him with every joy, every fear, every struggle??? Have I taught them to read His Word expecting to be touched by His Word as if it was a letter written to them from their earthly father? Isn't that what God's Word really is? A letter written in love to us by Our Heavenly Father??? As these words penetrated the painful disappointments of unmet expectations, I felt the Father's humbling arms surrounding me. "Let go of your expectations, and let me be the Great I AM." At the close of the service we sang Amazing Grace. I tried, but the lump in my throat made it impossible. Of all the songs, this one! This one that my sweet husband would sing as a lullaby to the boys. I looked down at my oldest son and saw the pleasant memory in his eyes of his father holding him and singing the words softly. There wasn't longing there; just a feeling of being surrounded by love. It was as if the Lord Himself was holding us in His arms rocking us gently, letting me cry it out, and once again letting us find rest and comfort from Him.