Cheering Me On

My precious friend Cindy is now rejoicing in Heaven. Life's pain, sickness, and battles are over and she has sweet rest with Jesus. God brought this widow into my life to teach me and encourage me. It was a priviledge to be her friend these past 2 1/2 years. From Heaven she now cheers me on in a different way then she did here on earth.
Hebrews 12:1-2 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Ephesians 5:20

"Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;" Ephesians 5:20

Did you catch that? Read it again slower. "...always for all things..."

Giving thanks is easy when a child is born, how about when it takes an early flight to heaven?

Anniversaries are wonderful times to give thanks, how about when you are alone on that day?

How do you express thanks for an accident that killed one man and emotionally and spiritually cripples another?

What about financial troubles?

Death of a young child? a young adult? a relative dying painfully of cancer? A pet dies tragically and sends the children into an emotional tailspin? How hard it is to give thanks in these situations...

I am trying.....the Lord and I have talked about this....and I am trying.

Letting Him lift my head and count my many blessings is a great way to start. And the rest, the hard things to thank Him for.....that is when I plead for grace. Without His power I can't give thanks always for all things. And it all comes back to the verse in John 15:5 "...for without me ye can do nothing."

"You Breathe"

"You breathe. I"ll pray."

This is what my precious praying sister told me, as in a panic I told her about the latest tragedy to strike my extended family. Oh, the precious gift of a friend praying over you and over a situation that made you weld up with fear and emotion. By the time she was done, God had given me the grace to be the prayer warrior and messenger I needed to be. And the grace of God continued to hold me up.

As more sad news hit the family today, it was my turn to say, "I am going to just pray," and start praying with my loved one on the phone.

As I look back over this month, there seems to have been more tears than smiles and I wonder if this isn't a sliver of what Job felt.

Questioning God's timing yet knowing His sovereignty.....Feeling He is so far away, yet going to Him in prayer because we know He is so close. Hurting deeply within and feeling so helpless, yet knowing God is going to show Himself strong, somehow and in someway, and make this pain beautiful in His time.

Two quotes come to my mind:

Joni Eareckson Tada: "Your deepest need when you are hurting is to have God, like a Daddy, reach down and pick you up and hold you and reassure you that everything is going to be okay. He lets you know that your life is not in nightmarish chaos, your world is not splitting apart at the seams. Somehow and somewhere there is order and stability to it all. And that's why God never gives advice; He gives Himself."

Samuel Rutherford: "Believe God's Word and Power more than you believe your own feelings and experiences. Your Rock is Christ, and it is not the Rock which ebbs and flows, but your sea."

Reminiscing...

Anniversaries are funny things. Last year was hugely emotional as it had been 10 years since we got married on our front porch. This year I felt fairly good heading in to it, yet emotions overwhelmed me and tears came at inconvenient times as our 11 anniversary approached. This was once beautiful and new above us as we said our marriage vows.

And this is beautiful and new a gift from Jim's mom that brightened my day. A daily reminder that God loves me!!!!

As usual, I was feeling alone and overwhelmed by my beloved Jim being gone from my side. And as usual just when I am at my lowest, my Lord shows me He is right there, waiting for me to reach out, and fill me with a love and peace that passes all understanding....

JoySmile

Little Snurr gave me the biggest JoySmile. We were in the restroom and he kindly gave paper towels for me to dry my hands on. Then while he was washing up, I got paper towels for him to dry his hands with. He smiled so sweetly.

Then that cute-as-a-button little guy said, "Will you be my friend forever?" as he slipped his hand into mine. "

"Absolutely, I will!" I assured him.

As we caught up with his brothers he proclaimed, "Mommy is going to be my friend forever!!"

I know that he will not always feel like this. But for the moment I basked in the glow of his smile and his assurance of my friendship.

Desperation

For the second time in a week I found myself at my husband's grave weeping in desperation. I wasn't there so much as to seek to be close to Jim, as was to pour out my cares and failures to the One who my husband is present with. Doing this single mom homeschool role is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Each time when I get done pouring out the good, the bad, and the ugly, I keep hearing Christ's sweet whisper to my heart..............

"....apart from me ye can do nothing."

"...love one another as I have loved you......"

Thank You for Your faithfulness and compassion on me, Lord! I am so sorry I try to run ahead of You and do things my way. I sure do make a mess of things.....Thank You for Your forgiveness and mercy and grace.......Grace, oh Lord, how I need Your grace to love others like You love me. I need Your grace to do what You have assigned me to do. Please help me hear Your voice and obey! In Jesus' name, Amen.