There are many times I have felt like Jacob wrestling with an angel. Mostly these wrestling matches involve trusting God with someone I love: my children, my parents, Jim's parents, other friends as well as seemingly hopeless situations.
The devil likes to taunt me with this lie: "You trusted God with Jim and look what happened. If you trust God with anyone else, He will take them too."
Recently a loved one was at the hospital again. I found out they were on the way to the ER right before church. A part of me wanted to run and hide and cry in fear. But I knew where I needed to be and so with tears running down my cheeks and fears racing through my mind, I sat in church, tried to sing and listen. The whole time my heart was wrestling with trusting God. I don't want to lose anyone again. I don't want the pain of separation death brings. I don't want to see my boys crying and not be able to fix it. I don't want to lose one of the greatest godly influences in my life. I listened to the soloist sing, " I don't know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand." Slowly my heart began to rest in the Lord and I was able to listen to the sermon. It was like a hot cup of chocolate on a bitterly cold day. Enlightening, challenging, and yet seasoned with love from above. Then came the invitation, and with it came restlessness once again. I just poured all my fears, anxieties, and heartache on the alter. Tears fell once again and once again I felt the familiar comfort of the Holy Ghost. Then with final surrender, I released my loved one. And took with me the promise that no matter what, it was going to be okay.
Over a week later, I rejoice to say this loved one is on the mend and seems to be doing well. But I am reminded again that each day is a gift, each relationship is a treasure and I need to cherish each moment. To live as to have no regrets.
Another family member told me everything from here out are grace moments. Grace moments......those are some powerful words if you let your mind really wrap around them.
Grace moments.....we all have grace moments.
Lord, help us recognize them for what they are.
My place to share how the Lord reveals His fingerprints on our lives. 2008-2015 Go to bb4thelord2.blogspot.com to read The Next Chapter.
November 14, 2011
My Defender
God has once again shown us He is real and His word is true. I don't feel that I am suppose to share the details. However, I will share the promise:
Proverbs 15:25 The LORD will destroy the house of the proud: but he will establish the border of the widow.
In this situation, He went before us. Stopping the ignorant, preparing hearts, preserving our property, and did as He said establishing our border.
He guided me step by baby step through this situation and I am forever grateful. He gave me courage and just the right words to say.
I literally cried in humble gratitude when I got off the phone. He is my defender, my strength and my shield. And I can add to that list that He is the establisher of my border.
Proverbs 15:25 The LORD will destroy the house of the proud: but he will establish the border of the widow.
In this situation, He went before us. Stopping the ignorant, preparing hearts, preserving our property, and did as He said establishing our border.
He guided me step by baby step through this situation and I am forever grateful. He gave me courage and just the right words to say.
I literally cried in humble gratitude when I got off the phone. He is my defender, my strength and my shield. And I can add to that list that He is the establisher of my border.
October 31, 2011
My Wedding Anniversary
On my wedding anniversary, the Lord reminded me that He sees, He knows, He cares.
My pastor preached a message that Sunday called "Through the Darkness" Three main points: 1.Choose to commit to Christ instead of being inconsistant. 2. Choose faith over fear. 3. Choose comfort over sorrow
Sometimes...like in those first days, weeks, and months...I remember making these choices daily. Sometimes I chose wrong. My faith would get shaky, I'd be overcome with great fears, and sorrow seemed to engulf me. But the Shepherd would remind me He was there even though I couldn't see Him or even feel His presence. He was there and I would choose again to not give up on God, to believe and not fear, to accept His comfort and stand up again.
Grief is not the only thing that puts us in the valley of darkness. I pray, dear reader, that these words are a help to you and that you share it with others. This world is rough, very rough. We all need Jesus.
My pastor preached a message that Sunday called "Through the Darkness" Three main points: 1.Choose to commit to Christ instead of being inconsistant. 2. Choose faith over fear. 3. Choose comfort over sorrow
Sometimes...like in those first days, weeks, and months...I remember making these choices daily. Sometimes I chose wrong. My faith would get shaky, I'd be overcome with great fears, and sorrow seemed to engulf me. But the Shepherd would remind me He was there even though I couldn't see Him or even feel His presence. He was there and I would choose again to not give up on God, to believe and not fear, to accept His comfort and stand up again.
Grief is not the only thing that puts us in the valley of darkness. I pray, dear reader, that these words are a help to you and that you share it with others. This world is rough, very rough. We all need Jesus.
October 14, 2011
A Couple Good Quotes
This quotes were both emailed to me lately.
"Lamenting is the cry of belief in a good God, a God who has His ear to our hearts, a God who transfigures the ugly into beauty. Complaining is the bitter howl of unbelief in any benevolent God in this moment, a distrust in the love-beat of the Father's heart. True lament is the bold faith that trusts Perfect Love enough to feel and cry authentic."
in One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
"I say that I found peace. I do not say that I was not lonely, I was--terribly. I do not say that I did not grieve. I did--most sorely. But peace of the sort the world cannot give comes, not by the removal of suffering, but in another way--through acceptance."
in Finding Your Way Through Loneliness by Elisabeth Elliot
"Lamenting is the cry of belief in a good God, a God who has His ear to our hearts, a God who transfigures the ugly into beauty. Complaining is the bitter howl of unbelief in any benevolent God in this moment, a distrust in the love-beat of the Father's heart. True lament is the bold faith that trusts Perfect Love enough to feel and cry authentic."
in One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
"I say that I found peace. I do not say that I was not lonely, I was--terribly. I do not say that I did not grieve. I did--most sorely. But peace of the sort the world cannot give comes, not by the removal of suffering, but in another way--through acceptance."
in Finding Your Way Through Loneliness by Elisabeth Elliot
October 13, 2011
Burdens of Stone
I have often been burdened to pray for someone. It is hard to describe in words, most often it is just that they are on my mind, but sometimes it is weighty, like a heavy backpack. Sometimes the burden to pray for others come so fast and with such force though that I feel like I am having stones thrown at me. This week has been like that.
More than a dozen people, all with intense issues were needing prayer. These situations were deep wounds to the soul, life and death issues, devastating and destructive decisions, and entanglements in sin. Just very intense spiritual battles going on in the lives of people. The devil seems to have his nasty grip so tight on each situation that hope seems dead.
Tears broke down my face, as I was told yet another heartbreaking prayer request, I cried out to God, "Lord, You are letting me know about all this awful stuff. And I don't want to know anymore......I don't... It makes me afraid of what could happen to my family. It makes me want to shut up my ears to the cries of the hurting…..because it hurts to see others hurting....”
But then I felt His sweet grace and comfort. I remembered He called me to be a prayer warrior and He equips who He calls. I heard His tender whisper, "Be not afraid, only believe." (Mark 5:36) I could feel God's precious grace wrapped around me like a big hug and I knew the Comforter was with me.
I looked in my promise journal and took solace in His words:
He teacheth my hands to war......thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.......For thou hast girded me with strength unto the battle. Ps. 18:34a,35, 39a
I thought of one of my heroes, Anna, widowed after only 7 yrs of marriage, who “departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day.” (Luke 2:37) She faithfully served God even though she was of “great age”and had such grief and loneliness herself being widowed all those years. How much sorrow and heartache had she seen and prayed over….Surely I of a younger age could stay faithful to my post, looking for Christ's 2nd coming as she did His first.
Determined, I set my mind and heart, to pray these people through. Then another late night prayer request came. This time I felt the Lord strengthen me for the battle. Once again I fell to me knees to battle for others.
Prayer, warfare prayer can be exhausting, painful, excruciating even....oh, but when I look beyond the battle to the privilege it is, when I look and see Who I am really serving, strength comes, grace is accepted, hope is revived, and victory is sure.
Romans 16:20 And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.
More than a dozen people, all with intense issues were needing prayer. These situations were deep wounds to the soul, life and death issues, devastating and destructive decisions, and entanglements in sin. Just very intense spiritual battles going on in the lives of people. The devil seems to have his nasty grip so tight on each situation that hope seems dead.
Tears broke down my face, as I was told yet another heartbreaking prayer request, I cried out to God, "Lord, You are letting me know about all this awful stuff. And I don't want to know anymore......I don't... It makes me afraid of what could happen to my family. It makes me want to shut up my ears to the cries of the hurting…..because it hurts to see others hurting....”
But then I felt His sweet grace and comfort. I remembered He called me to be a prayer warrior and He equips who He calls. I heard His tender whisper, "Be not afraid, only believe." (Mark 5:36) I could feel God's precious grace wrapped around me like a big hug and I knew the Comforter was with me.
I looked in my promise journal and took solace in His words:
He teacheth my hands to war......thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.......For thou hast girded me with strength unto the battle. Ps. 18:34a,35, 39a
I thought of one of my heroes, Anna, widowed after only 7 yrs of marriage, who “departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day.” (Luke 2:37) She faithfully served God even though she was of “great age”and had such grief and loneliness herself being widowed all those years. How much sorrow and heartache had she seen and prayed over….Surely I of a younger age could stay faithful to my post, looking for Christ's 2nd coming as she did His first.
Determined, I set my mind and heart, to pray these people through. Then another late night prayer request came. This time I felt the Lord strengthen me for the battle. Once again I fell to me knees to battle for others.
Prayer, warfare prayer can be exhausting, painful, excruciating even....oh, but when I look beyond the battle to the privilege it is, when I look and see Who I am really serving, strength comes, grace is accepted, hope is revived, and victory is sure.
Romans 16:20 And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.
September 30, 2011
The Value of Prayer
Many years ago I read an article called A Parable of God's Perspective by Robin Jones retold by Casandra Lindell. Everytime I read these words I get goosebumps.
"Ah, Bert, you should hear his prayers!" Intense love flashed in God's eyes like lightning. "Simple prayers from an aching heart. This is triumph over evil. Trusting me--that is the choice." God smiled through sparkling tears of love."Isn't he magnifient?".....God spoke softly, never letting his eyes leave the scene....."Go down and get him, Michael....I'll arrange the party."
The morning after Jim died I remember walking into the diningroom and seeing the streamers still up that we had put up for his birthday. And the words "I'll arrange the party," had echoed in my head.
Having reread this parable this morning, I am reminded of all the nights I have paced the hallway praying through my tears with my heart aching. Aching for my loss, aching over my sins, aching for my boys, aching for others and the sin they have entangled themselves in, aching because of their unbelief.
Oh, how little the value we all to often put on prayer. Yet how valuable it is in God's eyes.
Also this morning, we read in God's Word about when He cleansed the temple. He called it a house of prayer, not a house of praise or a house of singing or a house of worship. A house of prayer. God highly values prayer. And I am afraid of how little we value prayer and how often we neglect to pray as individuals, as families, as a church, as a nation..............
Lord, please help me remember how precious You value prayer.
"Ah, Bert, you should hear his prayers!" Intense love flashed in God's eyes like lightning. "Simple prayers from an aching heart. This is triumph over evil. Trusting me--that is the choice." God smiled through sparkling tears of love."Isn't he magnifient?".....God spoke softly, never letting his eyes leave the scene....."Go down and get him, Michael....I'll arrange the party."
The morning after Jim died I remember walking into the diningroom and seeing the streamers still up that we had put up for his birthday. And the words "I'll arrange the party," had echoed in my head.
Having reread this parable this morning, I am reminded of all the nights I have paced the hallway praying through my tears with my heart aching. Aching for my loss, aching over my sins, aching for my boys, aching for others and the sin they have entangled themselves in, aching because of their unbelief.
Oh, how little the value we all to often put on prayer. Yet how valuable it is in God's eyes.
Also this morning, we read in God's Word about when He cleansed the temple. He called it a house of prayer, not a house of praise or a house of singing or a house of worship. A house of prayer. God highly values prayer. And I am afraid of how little we value prayer and how often we neglect to pray as individuals, as families, as a church, as a nation..............
Lord, please help me remember how precious You value prayer.
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