Overwhelmed

A couple weeks ago at prayer meeting, I just felt God was withholding Himself from me. Usual as we pray, I can just feel His Presence almost like a father holding his child on his lap. But at that meeting, I just felt God was distant. Instantly, I began to search my mind for sins unconfessed and sought the Lord again. Still distance, I was beginning to feel panic rose up within and got out of my seat and dropped desperately to my knees. Still ..... God withholded Himself, it felt like hours passed, but then moments later I felt His arms surrounding me, holding me, calming my fears. And He whispered to my soul, "This is how those who don't know me feel. You have forgotten what it was like, not to have this relationship with Me. I needed to remind you." Of course, the tears of relief and joy spilled over my cheeks as I nestled in His embrace. And I recalled the days before the Lord saved me. And was overwhelmed by how much I take my relationship with Christ for granted and how indifferent I had gotten toward those who don't know Him. I became overwhelmed with love for my Savior and compassion for those who are missing it, those who think I "got religion" and don't understand that I have a relationship with Christ Jesus, the Son of God who died for me!!! Who created me to have this relationship with Him, and who loves me more than I will ever understand! Oh, how I love being overwhelmed by His Presence.

Singing Again

I did it! I sang a solo in front of church! It has been years, literally, since I sang a special at church. Back in our former church, a friend and I would sing specials almost every Sunday. Then I had my 2nd child and she left the church and a hundred other things. We'd sing to the boys at night. I sang to them "I must tell Jesus" the night their daddy died. Then I couldn't do the nightly songs for over a month. Gradually I began singing to them at night. Then in the daytime. Then in the van. Then at a Ladies Fellowship. And now it was time for in front of church. After coming off a fast several weeks back, I awoke with a song on my heart, "Wings as Eagles" by Ron Hamilton. Now this song is one I haven't been able to sing through without crying. It speaks of having your dreams crumble, your strength almost gone, and life shatters all your dreams. You get the picture. Well, it wouldn't leave my head. And one day the hymnal on the piano was opened to it, and the time after that the congregation sang it. Then I had this picture in my mind of my husband sitting in a church pew with his arm across the back of it. He was grinning from ear to ear that smile that said, "That's my woman!" So I felt the Lord saying clearly "Sing it!" Then I got sick and all I could do was squeak. Finally, I went to my pastor Wednesday and said, "I know my voice isn't back to 100%, but if I don't sing this song, I am going to burst!" So he had me sing that night.

Snipp elbowed me right before it was time for the special and whispered, "Don't cry!" "I won't," I said, though I wasn't sure. But as I sang, I looked at Snipp and Snapp it caused me to smile at these blessings from the Lord and I shed not a tear. Now I can not speak for the congregation. I did accidentaly start singing the 1st verse again instead of the second, but I quickly caught myself. Snapp was quick to point out that I messed up when I returned to my seat. He still gave me a big hug and smile though. Snapp loves to sing and is a little bit of a perfectionist about it. I don't claim to sing very well; I just love to sing to my Lord. My Life Verse: Psalm 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.

Who art thou ...

Scripture has a way of embedding in one's mind and resurfacing when the Holy Spirit is trying to get your attention. Some today say God doesn't speak. My reply is a challenge to read His Word and see if it doesn't speak to them. It is powerful beyond words. There are times when I don't know what to pray and His word fills my mind. There are times when I busy myself in this world and He rebukes me. Every word is with love, Fatherly love which isn't as tender as we want it sometimes.

"Who art thou that judgest another man's servant?" These words came clearly to me tonight. And I was lovingly "put in my place." Questions and conviction filled my heart. Who? How am I judging? My mind reeled over the past hours and days. Many, many sins came to mind. Tears welded up within me and another scripture was my heart's cry "God be merciful to me a sinner."(Luke 18:13) Oh, being washed by the Lord is so rejuvenating, so refreshing and purifying. Upon arriving home, I had to search God's Word for His words I heard tonight. At last, I found them.

Romans 14
4Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.
10But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.
11For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.
12So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.

WOW! Four verses backed with power and conviction and truth. My mind will be "chewing" on these for weeks!

Go Seeing Daddy

This past week we had special meetings at church. There was so much that touched my heart that I cannot blog it at this time. But something God clearly spoke to me on was this. "If your husband was going to be in town from 8pm-10pm on a Saturday night, wouldn't you take the boys and go meet with him?" It wouldn't matter how late it was, it wouldn't matter how early we needed to get up the next morning for Sunday School. No excuse would be good enough to deny myself and the boys time with my husband, time with daddy. "I am their Father; I am Your Husband. Come meet with me this Saturday night," my Lord whispered to me. Every Saturday night our church has prayer meeting. And God's Word says, "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them." God, the Almighty Caretaker of us promised to be there. Why have we denied ourselves His Presence?? Why? No more. No more excuses. We went to prayer meeting this last Saturday and let me simple say, God was there! It was like when your eyes are shut you can still feel a hug and the feeling of being loved lasts long after that hug is done. The Presence of God was powerfully there. Snipp even told me he felt it. We definately will be going to see Abba this Saturday night:)

God Time

Oh, how painfully good is self examination. On Resurrection Sunday, we celebrated the Lord's Supper. During the time of examination before hand, the Lord really pricked my heart. Actually it felt more like a lovingly smack of "I love you too much to have this kind of thinking." One of the biggest burdens for my sons I feel is for them to have Guy Time. But what mom wants to beg others to spend time with her children? My heart cries that what they need is their father, a godly man that loves them and understands them. God, very bluntly said, "I am a father to the fatherless." Yes, but......they need time with men down here. "Have you let Me be their father?" Ouch! Have I? Has my own determination to find others to substitute for their father's influence blinded me from looking to the Great I AM. "I AM a Father to the fatherless." I have been missing a vitally important aspect in my parenting-- God Time. Oh, we do devotions together and study the Bible in school. But have I taught them, shown them, actively drawn them to seek their Heavenly Father?????? To go to Him with every joy, every fear, every struggle??? Have I taught them to read His Word expecting to be touched by His Word as if it was a letter written to them from their earthly father? Isn't that what God's Word really is? A letter written in love to us by Our Heavenly Father??? As these words penetrated the painful disappointments of unmet expectations, I felt the Father's humbling arms surrounding me. "Let go of your expectations, and let me be the Great I AM." At the close of the service we sang Amazing Grace. I tried, but the lump in my throat made it impossible. Of all the songs, this one! This one that my sweet husband would sing as a lullaby to the boys. I looked down at my oldest son and saw the pleasant memory in his eyes of his father holding him and singing the words softly. There wasn't longing there; just a feeling of being surrounded by love. It was as if the Lord Himself was holding us in His arms rocking us gently, letting me cry it out, and once again letting us find rest and comfort from Him.

Missing

The house was dreadfully quiet. Where did those little munchkins go that had been so determined to complicate my simple task? One appeared quietly. "Where's your brothers?" I inquired. "I don' know,"came the answer with a shrug. Noticing the kitchen door open, I checked outside. No one. After a call upstairs, another son appeared. But fear began to grip my heart as Snipp, Snapp and I searched the house, and memories flashed in my mind. "Please, Lord, no...." I ran outside again and hollered. My heart pounded and a familiar thought came to mind, "What if God allows what I fear most to happen again?"

To my relief, little Snurr came toddling out from around the front porch barefooted on the swampy lawn. I raced through puddles and slick mud and scooped him up. Tears overflowed and ran down my cheeks as I hugged him to my chest. "Thank You, Jesus!!!!" Inside I trembled at God's Sovereignty and protection. How often must I be taught how precious a life is, how temporary a task really is, how the little things can make such a huge difference. With my voice tight with emotion, I lightly reprimanded the older boys on the importance of keeping the kitchen door closed. Then Snipp asked,"Why are you crying, Mom?" I couldn't answer. The healthy reminder of reality that I am not in control and God is GOD was still so fresh. And how does one describes a mother's heart to a son anyway?