The Club

The club nobody wants to join: Widowhood

It took me a long time to say the word "widow". It was a title thrust upon me when I was 28 yrs. old. 

But I have learned everyone you meet is grieving someone or something.

To my fellow grievers, 
Breathe!
Pain and grief sucks the breath right out of us.
We also try to control our emotions by not breathing deep. 
But we need that oxygen. 
So breathe deep.

And remember though many things demand attention and overwhelm you.
All you got to do is breath.

Please know that that the LORD loves you. You might not feel it. You might feel very alone and forsaken. But know that the LORD is near. He may be silent. But He is near and is very tender towards you during this difficult time of sorrow. 
Talk to HIM. Pour out your heart to HIM. He is listening. HE sees. He understands. He cares.

Take life just one moment at a time. 
One prayer at a time. 
One breath at a time. 
Be gentle with yourself.

And since you stopped by, 
I encourage you to go back to 2008 when I began posting.
It was just 2 yrs after my husband died.  
My heart was still raw and healing was slow.
I think the boys were 7, 4, and 2!!

It has been quite a journey. Many things besides parenting and grief were blogged. 
But the overwhelming theme is this: 
Christ Jesus is Real.
Christ Jesus is very Personal.
Christ Jesus is Enough.

Thanksgiving Chair

I felt like this post needed to go on this older blog. It brings about our healing full circle. Almost 3 years ago, I verbally thanked the Lord for taking Jim. This Thanksgiving as we spent some time in silent prayer, Lord was working on Snurr's heart in ways I didn't know. We each took time sitting in the Thanksgiving chair. When we were done, Snurr lingered behind.
"Do you know why it took me so long? I thanked God for taking Daddy. It was a hard thing to do."
Oh, the preciousness of those words to me, I can't describe. But I feel lile Snurr just slammed a door in the enemy's face and has opened himself up to the Lord in a way he hadn't before.

My mind went back to the night that the Lord told me to verbally thank Him outloud. And I realize my obedience was more than just for my healing. I paved the way for my youngest son. He needed to hear me say it as much as I needed to say it. And he followed that example.

Obey the Lord, even when it is hard. Even when it hurts. You never know whose little eyes are watching or ears are listening. You have no idea how God will use your example in another's life.

Me in a Word

This is the description of me. I am no computer genius and I plan to have a little different description for my new blog bb4thelord2.blogspot.com. So just in case it changes on this blog as well I thought I would post it here:

HOME--this word describes me well. Jim and I were married at home on our front porch. I homebirthed our three precious boys (aka Snipp, Snapp, and Snurr). Homeschooling naturally followed. Home... the word brings thoughts of family, love, comfort, and refuge. My beloved husband was headed home when God called him Home to Heaven in 2006. Home is where he is buried. Welcomed home is how I felt when in 1998 I asked Christ Jesus to be Lord of my life and trusted Him as my Saviour. With hugs of rejoicing, He washed my sins away and I was adopted into His family. Oh, the comfort of being home. And someday, either by trumpet call or when He calls my name, I shall go Home to Heaven. But until then......... With the Lord, I am pressing onward in this journey of single parenting and homeschooling. He ordered this all up for me, and as hard as that is to accept, it is encouraging, because I know I am in the will of God. And that is the safest place to be, no matter what circumstances are around me or emotions are within me. Isaiah 41:13

God Be With You, till I Post Again

It will be 10yrs this coming birthday when my LORD spoke to my heart,
"I love you more than you will ever understand, and I said this is best."

I find my need to write and post is greatly dwindling. 
Not because my LORD isn't moving and working in my life,
but because HE IS. He is working so abundantly that my computer time is extremely limited.

I pour myself and focus into other things, though it has been a treasure and therapy to blog. 
I hope to get back to blogging more faithfully.  But I know in my heart it won't be for awhile.
Maybe a long while. 

So to all who browse here, I encourage you to go back to 2008 when I began posting.
It was just 2 yrs after my husband died.  My heart was still raw and healing was slow.
I think the boys were 7, 4, and 2!!

It has been quite a journey. Many things besides parenting and grief were blogged. 
But the overwhelming theme is this: Christ Jesus is Real and Christ Jesus is Enough.

"Leave thy fatherless children, I will preserve them alive; and let thy widows trust in me." Jeremiah 49:11

"Place them in my hand, my child.  Release your children to ME.  I will preserve them alive.  I promise.  And you shall learn to trust in ME."

Yes, LORD, when I let go of who I fear losing, you allow me to develop a trust in You that is like super glue. And LORD, who ever stops by and reads this blog, may they believe upon You for salvation and may they grow mightily in You as they see Your fingerprints in our lives.

Colossians 1:18b   ......that in all things he might have the preeminence.

Amen!

Surrender

So once again I was at prayer meeting.
Pouring my heart about many burdens.
Again I felt God telling me to verbally thank Him out loud for taking Jim.
Surrender, yield.......I want to do that to my Lord.
Yet I found the words stuck in my throat and without realizing it I began shaking my head.
But I wanted to say it. I needed to say it..........
More shaking of the head and tears overflowed.
My throat grew tight.
He was asking me to say what I knew I needed to. 
But for what seemed like a forever moment all I could do was look down and shake my head.


I took deep breaths and forced my voice to speak.
"Thank You for taking Jim........................
(many tears poured down my face, I took a breath and continued)
"cuz' I wouldn't know You like I do...."


I don't remember what else I said.
I finished and a brother-in-the-Lord gave me a box of Kleenex.
I felt the Lord Himself had given them to me.
Now that He had me dealt with me spiritually,
He was taking care of my physically.
And yet I also became aware of others around me again.
Because when I was battling surrendering and speaking those words,
everyone disappeared to me.  It was like God and I were alone.


After awhile, while others prayed, I felt my Heavenly Father beckoning me to go to a special place.
It is where I feel like I am a little girl again and am being held in my Eternal Father's arms.
I went to that spot and just let the tears flowed.


My pastor walked by me and gently patted me.
A gesture of care. Simple and yet I felt like My Eternal Father was patting my back.
Like Jim used to with the boys......
I could hear him say, " It's okay. God's got ya! It's okay."
More tears slipped down my face.
I leaned my head against the organ and just rested in my Heavenly Father's arms.
A little while later another brother-in-the-Lord gave me a Kleenex.
The tears were close to stopping.


But it was again like the Lord was speaking to my heart.
"Now that we got our business done on that, it is time for you to weep for someone else.

Revive Me

Psalms 138:7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me.
My pastor preached Sunday about Revival.  He quoted a man who said, "Go home, draw a circle around yourself, and ask God to revive everything inside that circle."  During invitation, I knelt at the pew I was in.  I was the only one in that pew and I felt God so close to me. 

As I prayed for God to revive me, I felt Him speak to my heart to obey what He had told me to do.  I had to think for a moment, but then I knew what He was talking about.  Two weeks ago during prayer meeting I was praying out loud, I was about to say "Thank You for this church family." But as I said thank you, I felt God prick my heart to say Thank you for taking Jim..............well I didn't. It was such a private thing to say in front of others. It is such a difficult thing to think let alone verbalize. So I caught my breath and then just thanked God for my church family. 

So Sunday I knew what I was suppose to do. So verbally out loud I told God thank You for taking Jim. Then the wave of tears came and I wept. The tears were of mixed emotions: grief, gratefulness, humility, brokenness.  Without Jim in my life, I have pursued Christ in a way I never did when Jim was here. 

I still miss Jim so much.  Even in typing those words, tears come yet again. A part of me became crippled when he left my side.  But the Lord used that crippling to draw me closer to His side. And draw others to Himself as well. There is so many ripples that God knew about that I didn't.

In Sunday School we have been studying about the miracles of Christ.  Time and time again He is healing people and GOD is glorified. But there are times, when the Lord allows people to be crippled either physically or deep within their soul so He is glorified.   The LORD continues to teach me how to thrive in Him.  To find my completeness in Him. But He also understands the grief in my heart that makes me walk with a limp in my soul.

Strength

  Psalms 138:3 In the day when I cried thou answeredst me, and strengthenedst me with strength in my soul.

  Psalms 138:7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me: thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies, and thy right hand shall save me.

Psalms 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.
These are the verses God shared with me as I read my Bible on Jim's birthday.  It is so hard to believe that it was nine years ago that Jim was fixing the van during the rain and sleet.  Nine years ago he
came in with ice covering his beard, ate supper and had cake with us.  He opened his presents of warm flannel shirts, tucked the boys into bed and then went back out to finish fixing the van. Nine years ago we decorated the dining room with streamers that would remain hanging up till after his death.

Tears bubbled on the surface of my churning emotions for half of the day.  They finally spilled over when we were watching home videos. But as the day went on, my strengthen within grew.  The boys and I had a good day together remembering, honoring, living.

LORD, I Come to You

I know it has been much, much too long since I wrote.
Life gets so busy as I balance all the hats in my life, and I find myself not having as much free time on the computer. Another reason is that there has been some heavy private prayers on my heart that others have shared with me.  And I find that when I am carrying things like that I tend to cocoon myself. Maybe it is so I don't accidentally share what I shouldn't, maybe because by being silent it helps me hold back the tears, maybe some of what God shares with me or what I share with Him is so sacred though I long to share it words just don't do it justice. Whatever the reason, I know it has been toooooooo long since I blogged and journaled. I enjoy writing and it is very therapeutic for me.  There has been several times in the few months when I thought, " I so need to blog this."  It has happened enough that I come to my computer when I should be asleep and find the release of words so healing.




Where to start?


Why today of course.  I went to the mailbox and there was a simple sweet note from a sister-in-Christ and a sister-in-sorrow.  "Praying this will be an encouragement to you today!" and  the following was with it:




Lord, I Come to You
Read: John 6:65-69


" Lord, I come to You," ad my heart is comforted already, just in coming.
"Lord,"
my Saviour,
the Lord of my life, who knows, understands, and plans all for good, the One who has all the power I need for this hour.
"I come,"
so needy,
in my weakness and my inability,
with burdens pressing on my heart,
when my tongue cannot frame the words or utter my deep longings,
with tears of sorrow for my wretched failures, and needing forgiveness.
"To You,"
in trust, claiming Your promises,
in confidence, acknowledging that You know what You are doing in my life,
for comfort in the cares that fret and wear,
for strength to plod on faithfully and know this too shall pass.
"Lord, I Come to You," with gratitude that You are there.




I don't know who wrote this to give credit to at the moment.
But I know Who knew I needed it this day.
My Lord, my Best Friend, the Lover of my soul, my Jesus, my Saviour............
He knew and He had this come at just the right time.


LORD, I Come to YOU........

Be Willing

Be willing...........................

            To do it GOD's way............

And let your actions prove your heart.

~CLS

What Can I Do? Part 1

We are heading into our Fall Sunday School Campaign.
It is titled What Can I Do?

When Jesus was missing and Mary and Joseph found Him in the temple, He asked them, "wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business?" I want to be about my Heavenly Father's business and so do many of the children in our Sunday School.  So I am looking forward to the next 7 Super Sundays.

Wk 1
As I prepared for Sunday's lesson, I was reminded of Mark 12:30 that I learned when I was 21 and newly saved.  I remember sitting at the kitchen table and God opening my eyes to the truth of that verse.  I always thought the golden rule was the greatest commandment.  Thought the LORD does what us to treat others how we want to be treated, Mark 12:30 is even more important.
  
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

So the first and most important way to be about my Father's business is to invest all of me into my relationship with HIM.  Time spent in prayer greatly develops this relationship as I pour my heart out to Him and He pours His heart into mine.  Spending time with godly people also nurtures this relationship as they encourage me in my relationship with the LORD.  And I need to be teachable in my relationship with the LORD because He has many things to teach me, but I must have a heart that is willing to learn and adjust to what He says.

A week ago I spent much time in prayer for my preacher and others who were going through a difficult trial.  Many times I hit my knees praying and weeping,  and many times I rose up still burdened to pray.  Finally God gave me peace, peace that my preacher was going to be okay, peace that HE heard and HE was working on it.  Then I felt it was time to get up and trust.  Trust HIM to work in this trial, trust HIM to heal, trust HIM to make it be okay like HE said HE would.  Sometimes it can be a battle to trust, especially if the enemy has us tricked into believing lies.  But I know my God loves my preacher and knows what is best for him.  And God told me it was going to be okay and He has never lied to me.  So I trusted and prayed for his family to feel the same blanket of peace.  God was true to HIS word; everything is okay, preacher is healing from his surgery, and through all that praying my heart was drawn even closer to my LORD. 

God is Sovereign

Today is one of those days when I have been allowed to see God's perfect timing displayed before my eyes. Often we don't understand why we seemed delayed at one place or that God impresses on our heart to do this or that, but when you find yourself exactly where God planned for you to be to be used of HIM, it is an awesome thing.  My God is Sovereign.  He has a plan.  Many times I run too far ahead of Him and I miss it.  But today wasn't one of those days.  Today was a day when the enemy kept seeking to prevail and God kept limiting him.  Today was a day when I tried to discern more dilegently the LORD's leading.  Today was a day that was spent in much prayer and sometimes seeing discouragement around me.  But today was also a day when GOD said, "Let me show you just a glimpse of what I am up to in the lives of others. "  Wow! 

Camps and School Begins

Where has the time gone!!!

It has been a looooooooong time since I posted:
July was full of preparing for and participating in church camps. Camp was just amazing and I will have to try to put the experience into words.  For now here are the snapshots: a lot of prayer, very little sleep, many tears, great closeness with God, many got saved, great joy of seeing someone receive Christ, over much too soon.......
July was also final school prep for me.

August we started our school year.  We have had a fun year so far with three fieldtrips so far
and we are on our third week of bookwork.   We are studying our state this year and are enjoying putting our notebooks together.

I am typing this on break between classes and break is almost up.
So write more later.

Silent but God is Very Busy

I have been silent on this blog for over 6wks but God has been very busy.
We finished up our homeschooling year and have been busy with yard work, house work, time with extended family, ministries, and various other things.

But just like when God seems silent, He is still busy;
when this blog is silent, God is still busy.
He has answered so many prayers this past several weeks. 
And I just stand in awe of His work in my family and the lives of others.

One of my goals this year is to study the fruit of the spirit more closely. In June I focused on LOVE.
The verse that stood out the most to me was "Charity is longsuffering and kind..." In application to my heart this was Love suffers long and is still kind. It isn't easy to be kind when God has allowedyou to suffer, but we can do all things through Christ.

Snipp has decided to work in the Bus Ministry as well as be a helper at Kids' Camp.
I love to hear him pray; and he's read through the Bible twice this year.  He is heading into 8th grade and is looking me in the eyes these days. He goes to youth camp soon and I look forward to the work the LORD will do there.


Snapp has battled mono this spring and we rejoice in God's healing. We saw a lot of wildlife in our own backyard and I love to see how Snapp reconizes God at work.  He is looking forward to camp and has such a tender heart to the Holy Spirit. I love hearing him sing to the LORD.

Snurr is tender one moment and rambuncious the next. Just this last Sunday after a sermon on the Christian home, speaking mostly on the roles of the husband and wife, Snipp rubs my back during invitation and says, "I think this sermon is good for widows too."  Then as tears start to come to my eyes, he looks at my face and says he's sorry for the way he's been disrespecting me.  Here I thought he was getting nothing out of the sermon. Just precious and the tears flowed down my face and dropped on my shoes.

There is much more I could write about but this is a snap shot of what God has been busy doing in my silence on this blog.

Have a Happy Independence Day!

 

      And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
   If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed. John 8:32,36

 

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage. Galatians 5:1

Prison Letter

Jim's dad recently shared with me a letter he wrote and gave me permission to post it:

It was gray half-light as Paul began to wake up. He knew it was day because the rats and mice scurrying to find a day time hiding place, was probably what woke him up. It wasn't really day light, he never saw any; there were no windows in his prison. As he became more alert, he immediately went to prayer.

God had protected him through the night, and had given him another day to worship and praise Him and he did so.  Paul's prayer list was even longer than his worship and praise time, for he prayed faithfully for all the churches the Lord had used him to start, then he prayed for the individual helpers and close friends he had. Then he had to relieve himself, he went to the corner that he used for that and took care of nature, he had no bathroom, and he didn't worry about washing up, he had no water to do so.  He had no bed, so he didn't have to make it.  He did kick some straw that had scattered back up on to the small, low pile he had, and that started the rats and mice scurrying again. He slept on the pile at night and they hid in it by day, there was no place else. The filthy dirt floors and the forlorn straw pile were the things in the room.

With his prayer and praise time accomplished, Paul felt renewed and somewhat refreshed. He turned to his most precious possessions a few books of the Bible and some parchment epistles. He had read them so many times yet they comforted him and god seemed especially close when he read the Word.  He had no way of knowing what time it was, but the jailer had been by a couple of times making his rounds so Paul thought it must be getting late afternoon.

As he surveyed his cell he noticed a centipede wiggling in a spider web. He was thankful for the spiders for they kept the flies down, and there were certainly were lots of flies, Paul realized that this whole prison had such a stench that it almost made your eyes water, and he realized he was a part of the stench.  He had not bathed in also many months that he was not sure when his last bath was, nor had his clothes been changed or washed, he only had the ones on his back.

Paul was starting to feel hunger, he had not eaten in two days, but maybe today he would have a visitor who would bring his food, the only time he got to eat was when that happened, the prison fed nobody.  Usually the jailer would bring around water a couple of times a day, if he felt like it.

Today was Paul's special blessing day for late in the evening a fellow believer came to visit and brought an ample bowl of food.  Paul savored every bite, and ate till it was all gone, because he had no way or place to keep leftovers, only those rats would get them.  The thing that made Paul the most joyful was this friend had brought pen, ink, and some parchment. Paul wrote, "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.  I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:11-13

 

Written by J.M.S.

The God Who Answers Prayers

The last 8 days have been full of prayer.  Many prayers were need about many different things from praying the flickering yard light would turn on and stay lit to prayers about graduations and a wedding. 32 prayers, I recorded in my prayer journal.  The Almighty God answered 30 of those with yes, 1 was a no, and one more I feel He is working on yet.

30/32=94% answered positively in 8 days!

I know the LORD doesn't always answer prayers so quickly and in such positive ways. 
Sometimes we forget how much the LORD loves to tell us yes, when we ask unselfishly and with faith.  Some people talk about prayer as moving the hand of God.  The most wonderful thing about prayer to me is seeing how the LORD answers them.  I never get tired of seeing His mighty hand at work. Makes me stand in awe and reverance.....

I will admit I was disappointed with the one that was answered no. But when I look back at all He has done, I am content to realize the LORD had a plan different than I did.  He knows people's hearts more than I do and what is needed.

I just remembered 5 other prayers the LORD is working on that He allowed me to see a glimpse of what He is doing..............I know these will take time, but it encouraged my heart to see the Lord moving in people's lives.

To all my readers, Never Doubt the power of prayer; the LORD is listening.  Ask Him for eyes to see His hand at work.

I Want That Mountain Finale

So the last mountain is Apathy or simply "I don't care!"

Most often people get this attitude from having a hard heart.
Hard hearts are caused most often by fear and pain.
It can be easy to put up walls to keep people out and to not let ourselves care.
We need to ask God to break our hearts for the things He cares about.

1 Corinthians 15:34 Awake to righteousness, and sin not; for some have not the knowledge of God: I speak this to your shame.
Psalms 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Not a dramatic end to the campaign.  But I know in the busyness of May if I don't type something now, I'll leave it hanging again.

I Want That Mountain Part 3

Being that yesterday was Resurrection Sunday, the lesson was on salvation.
But before I shared the good news, I had a sober talk with the girls about hell.
Many of them have grown up coming to church.  It is easy to get complacent.
It is easy to just have a mental knowledge and never a heart knowledge of Christ.
I was like that for years. 
Then I shared the good news and God's plan of salvation.
I also shared my testimony with them.
Here is it:

"God is real!

Going to Sunday School, church, and VBS were some of my earliest memories.  Easter dresses and Christmas candle light services.  But as I grew I didn’t understand how personal God is.  I doubted He cared about the details of my life or that He was even real.  I mean if He cared why did He let bad things happen to me? And so maybe He wasn’t even real.  I listened to these lies of the enemy. And so like the prodigal son, I journeyed far from my Heavenly Father, from church, and from what I knew was right.  I wasted my knowledge of God, was a horrible testimony, was immoral, cussed, and spit in the face of the heritage God had given me.  I wanted what I wanted.  So I did what I wanted. Sin feels like freedom, for a season.  But then it becomes a harsh master and a destroyer.  So one day I realized I didn’t like me, so I tried to fix things.  I got out of a bad 3 ½ year relationship, got a new haircut, new make-up, new clothes, began walking to lose pounds……I felt better, but hallow, incomplete.  One cool day on my walk I was in the back part of the park when I heard my name on the wind.  I looked around; there was no one. My heart trembled and tears began to flow.  My heart knew.  It was God whispering my name.  He saw me, He cared for me, even after all I had done against Him, even when I didn’t like myself. I sat down on a park bench and wept.  

I don’t know how far the prodigal son had to journey back, but I know my journey back to God was rough with many rocks, hills, and traps from the enemy. But that longing for something more kept growing.  One day, I overheard two elderly ladies talking.  The old widow stated, “Oh, I don’t live alone.  My best friend Jesus is with me.”  She really meant it. Wow, I wanted that!  I was dating Jim at the time and he’d talked about his mom reading the Bible to him and his siblings each night.  I wanted to be that kind of mom.  But I knew I couldn’t give something to my future children that I didn’t have myself. 

In July of 1998, I finally made the decision to go to church on a hot Sunday morning.  It is a long story. So the nutshell version is that I had car trouble and I ended up walking all the way to the church.  I was so weary that I felt if the doors were shut I wouldn’t have strength to open them.  They were open.  I slid into the back pew as the Pastor was preaching a sermon on “Doubting Thomas” and I kept thinking, “That’s me.”  I don’t remember the closing song but again it pierced my heart that “that is me.”  I was the first person to the pastor and through my tears tried to shared how I had car trouble and hadn’t been to church for a long time.  He directed me to a room and his wife came in.  We talked together and prayed together.  I felt the Lord embrace my heart that day. 

A few weeks later, I was curled up in Jim’s favorite chair. The house was quiet as I read my new book, Experiencing God. It said I must have a personal relationship with the Lord or I wouldn’t be able to completely understand the book.  I was hungry to personally experience God in my life, so I read carefully what it said:

Romans 3:23-All have sinned.

Romans 6:23 Eternal life is a free gift of God.

Romans 5:8 Because of love, Jesus paid the death penalty for your sins.

Romans 10:9-10 Confess Jesus as Lord and believe God raised Him from the dead.

Romans 10:13 Ask God to save you and He will

 

To place your faith in Jesus and receive His gift of eternal life you must:

-Recognize that God created you for a love relationship with Him.  He wants you to love Him with all your being.

-Recognize that you are a sinner and you cannot save yourself.

-Believe that Jesus paid a death penalty for your sin by His death on the cross and rose from the dead in victory over death.

-Confess (agree with God about) your sins that separate you from Him.

-Repent of your sins (turn from sin to God)

-Ask Jesus to save you by His grace (undeserved favor).

I read through each line, looking up each scripture,  and making sure I believed it in my heart, not just in my mind because I want to experience God in my life like they described in that book.  Then I read the last line, “Turn over the rule in your life to Jesus. Let Him be your Lord.”

My heart felt pricked. And I realized that He was to be the center of my universe and I revolve around Him, not the other way around. As my brother-in-Christ said recently, “This life is not about us, it is about God and glorifying Him.”   Christ was to be first in my heart. I prayed that moment to Jesus and made sure He was my Lord, my Master. That He could be in charge of my life.  
And my life has never been the same. 

 

God is real, and God is very personal.  He sees you right where you are.  He knows your thoughts and your deepest pain.  He doesn’t demand you take a bath before He embraces you.  He embraces you and clothes you like the prodigal’s father did.  He loves you.  Jeremiah 31:3   The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee." 

I Want That Mountain Part 2

So last weeks lesson was on conquering the mountain of Attitude.
Oh, wow, did God prepare me for this one.
From having a day were everything seemed to go wrong and me having a bad attitude about it, to kids with attitudes, to students with attitudes right before I began the lesson, I am thoroughly convinced attitude is something we work on constantly to keep in right.

I heard John Bishop speak and he said, "God is always good; God is always right."  There is truth to that statement.  Psalm 119:68 Thou art good and doest good....

So to keep a good attitude we need to remember God will make everything work out for good. 


This week's lesson is on conquering anger.
After eating humble pie last week, I thought this week would be easier.
But God has a way of making sure I learn the lesson before I teach it.
Anger is probably one of the biggest mountains to conquer.
And I know I am not alone when I say, I struggle with this.
Other people don't met our expectations and we get angry.
That isn't right.  But what is just as serious is many of us are walking around
angry at God and we don't admit it.
Pain happens in this life; this life never promised to be fair.
But we have expectations and we have our idea of how things should be.
When God orchestrates different, we get angry.

It took me a long time to admit I was angry at God for allowing my husband to not live longer on this earth.  I was angry that he wasn't here for me and the children.  I was angry that God took Jim sooner than I was willing to let him go. I remember the day before our third son was born.  I was an emotional mess.  I woke up having contractions and told my midwife stubbornly that I didn't want to have this child without Jim. Then we discovered I had a lot of water in my basement.  I stormed upstairs. My bewildered parents and sister-in-law stared at me as I shouted, "I'm going to talk to my dead husband!!" I hurried down the steps and headed to his grave.  And there I sobbed and sobbed saying, "You are suppose to be here for this!!!!"  I was so angry Jim wasn't here.  After a lot of tears, I went back inside and told everyone I was ok.  My dad dealt with the basement and my contractions stop.  My poor body probably decided it wasn't safe for the little fellow to be born yet.  Everything turned out ok.  My dad got the water pumped out and after I got the other boys asleep, I talked to the LORD once again.  "Ok, if we are going to do this, let's do it" In the early morning hours, my third son was born.  And I exited the black hole of grief, and entered a different chapter of single mom with three boys.  But emotionally I was kicking and screaming about it  on the inside as loudly as my newborn was on the outside.  I felt cheated.

Many, many difficult things have happened since then.  And God spoke to my heart twice on this.
Once was on my first birthday without Jim.  He simply told me this was best and he loved me and my boys more than I will ever understand.  The other time was in more recent years, when I said once again, "Jim is suppose to be here for this."  And God simply whispered to my heart, "No, he isn't."
Smack!  God's 2x4 cushioned with love smacked my heart and mind.  That is true.  God's plan was for Jim to not be here; it is what is best.  God is all wise and all loving.  He has a plan.  Not just a good plan, but the best plan.

So anger is a big mountain to conquer.  It requires focusing on God and who He is and letting go of what I think I am entitled to.  It is letting go of expectations and trust God to do what is best for me and mine.

Day of Delight

We had cold wind and snow flurries yesterday, today had sunshine and thought still breezy, had warmer weather.

The part to fix the washing machine came early!  We fixed it in record time!

We celebrated with icecream.

Everyone finished school very timely and had extra time to play outside.

We took a little country drive as we ate our icecream.

The power is on so we could continue to pump water out of our basement.
It is finally looking like we are getting somewhere!

The dryer works, so I am finally getting caught up on laundry.

We had money to make hotel reservations for our annual trip before Easter.

We have only garder snakes and not poisonous snakes in our yard, so the boys feel like tough guys and I don't have to fret at the same time.

We live in the country with millions of things to do and explore.  No hearing the words, "I'm bored!"

The snow is all melted!

The breeze is refreshing and whispers, " Another winter is passed"  Amen!

All the boys are healthy and happy.

I am doing good also.

Many, many blessings, some just can't be put into words.

Now several nights ago it seemed like one of those were everything was going wrong!
We've all been there.

I needed to remember that today was one of those days, though not perfect, is full of things that went right.

I Want That Mountain Update 1

So we kicked off our campaign and I dressed up like a hiker with a visor, backpack, and a walking stick the boys cut and worked on for me.  I chose an ibex as our mascot as they are fearless, surefooted and agile.

Our first week was Promises and Mountains:

• God promised Caleb that land. What has God promised you? Our job is to believe God will give it to us and remind Him you are trusting in Him for it.
• Mountains are hard! There are difficult areas in our lives we need to conquer.
• Mountains are big; so we will turn to God and not try to do it in our own strength.
• Mountains are protected; our problems seem tough.  God puts people in our life who have conquered mountains to help us have courage.
• Caleb had to be patient; we need to be patient too.  Trust God and wait on God.

As a friend had a medical emergency, I reminded God of His promise to me, that her health issues would not be unto death.  God was faithful and she got the help she needed.

Our second week was The Mountain of Rejection:

• Mountains either hold us in or we can conquer them and control them.
• The fear of rejection is a common mountain in many of our lives
• A person doesn't fully mature until they learn to give over to God their desire to gain the approval of their parents, friends, and family.
• We commonly respond to rejection by getting anger and bitter. We say we don't care, when we really care deeply. We also run.
• We can overcome rejection when we stop seeking approval of others, and instead seek God's approval.
• We need to choose to believe Christ accepts me, not by what I've done, but because of what Christ says about me after He covered my sins with His blood.
• Why does God allow rejection? So we come to turn to Him, find approval in Him, and let God make you into somebody that is needed and valued.

I have seem multiple examples of people reacting wrongly to rejection. 
Please pray for us as we seek to respond correctly to any kind of rejection.

Our third week is The Mountain of Selfishness:

• Being selfish isn't only about caring only about yourself.  It is also caring for others, BUT caring for what you want and what's best for us above everyone else.
• We need to live for God. Live for eternity and not today!
• We need to seek to make others happy.  But don't compromise Biblical values.
• Serve others.  God puts extremely selfish people in a place where they always have to serve another.
• Give to meet the needs of others. The giving person can be the most unselfish person. 

God gave me the opportunity to give this week.  To give my time to another, to give my prayers, to give my tears of understanding, to give financially, to give a listening ear, to give encouragement, to give a helping hand. I still have much to learn to conquer this mountain completely though.