Ps 23:1 vs. Is He Enough?

I started this post weeks ago. 2012 is coming very soon, so I hurriedly finished it up tonight (12/31/2011). Here it is:
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Ever felt like crying and couldn't? This happens to me often if I stuff a grief wave because I don't have time or privacy to just have a good cry. Later when I am alone and could cry, I just can't.

Sometimes I am not even sure why I feel the need to cry. I know, I am a woman, do I need a reason? Yes, I do.Usually writing or talking with someone helps me sift through the emotions and figure out the whys.

On a particular night, I found myself in just that position, heavy hearted with tears frozen within, so I dug out my journal and began to write.................to figure out why I felt this choking sorrow.

• Christmas was coming.........I usually go through a blah time as the world gets so focused on material things and making big bucks. The Babe in the manger is forgotten, and if He is remembered He must just stay a cute babe. They don't like to remember He grew up, bled and die on a cruel cross, and rose again.


• My oldest son had his birthday. Birthday are hard sometimes without Jim here. This one seemed good till that night when I realized we hit another milestone. Snipp has had more birthdays without a dad than with his dad.
  


• That just brings up fears of the future. How to help him and his brothers grow up to be godly men. How to make it victoriously through teenagehood.



• Realizing no one can fill that void in their lives or mine...............
  

Then the wrestling began as the tears flowed.... and the real issue was revealed.

I was once again wrestling within me having the faith that Jesus is enough. I know what scripture says in Philippians 4:19 "But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus"

That promises--all my needs will be supplied.......I know that Psalm 23:1 says "the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." He is my shepherd...yet I felt so wanting. I am not content with just Him. The realization felt like cold water in my face......

I prayed and cried and no peace came as it so often will. I knew that this wasn't just a grief wave, this was attack, and I felt too weak and wounded to fight. I prayed for God to show me which prayer warrior to contact. He led me to a sweet young widow. She understands and never fails to point me to Jesus. She shared a few thoughts I knew but ones I needed to hear like "God didn't take them home to destroy any of us." Then she prayed to God right then for that void to not feel so deep and empty. After awhile she sent me three scripture to look up. Hebrews 13:5,6; Proverbs 3:5-6; and Psalm 31:24.

I grabbed Jim's Bible with shaking hands. I looked up the first referance and I let out a gasp and just hung my head and sobbed. Jim had it circled in his Bible......Emotions I have no words for flooded over me. Once I could read again, I read the verses......and again it was like cold water to my face. Instantly my heart was smote. I knew why I had been attacked. The verse says "Let your conversation be without covetousness and be content with such things as ye have for He has said I will never leave thee nor forsake thee for I am thy helper................."

Coveting there it was, the sin that led me down this road, that sucked my strength and joy. Coveting makes me discontented and then, of course, God doesn't seem like He is enough. The next day I shared that verse with the boys and they got excited. See their Sunday School teacher had been teaching on coveting that day. He described coveting as wanting what God didn't give me or wanting what God didn't want me to have. Wow! I always thought of coveting as wanting what belonged to someone else. But when you described it as their teacher did, it just takes God and puts Him right in the middle of the issue. It makes the sin of coveting more personal against God.

He is enough...He is....when I stop longing for what God hasn't given me and start trusting Him as Proverbs 3:5-6 says, Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths. When I do what God says, He is enough. Sometimes I am a sssssllllllooooowwwwwww learner.

And I am so thankful God is the most patient, loving, merciful teacher.

Day by day, trial by trial, night after night, He keeps teaching me that He is enough and I just need to trust Him with Everything, including the future, my children, and my heart.

The final verse of encouragement from my friend:
Psalm 31:24 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.
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And now, Goodbye, 2011! Hello, 2012!

Sandpaper

I was reading a book recently where a mother is sharing wisdom with a young bride-to-be. She shared that there will come a day when her charming husband will say or do something that will hurt and that how she reacts or responds to it will affect their marriage. The husband was a carpenter and the young woman's father was a carpenter as well. So the wise mother told her that God uses a husband like sandpaper to smooth out her rough edges and shape her into what God would have her to be. Instantly I reflected back to moments with Jim that I could identify as sandpaper moments. I can see more clearly now how the Lord was using Jim to sand certain "rough edges" down in me. Then I thought to the present. How does this work in my life now? A few paragraphs later the author shared how the absence of a husband is also sandpaper................let me repeat that because I didn't get it the first time.......the absence of a husband is also sandpaper.
Now there is a new way to look at widowhood!

As I pondered this, I also thought of people God has brought into my life to sandpaper me. Faithful friends that tell me truth and what I need to hear not just what I want to hear. One of these people is my pastor. Now some people call a hard message as "in your face" or one that "stepped on my toes." I decided I am going to call them "sandpaper sermons." I know that God, who loves me more than I'll ever understand, uses these tough messages to smooth out my rough edges and shape me into what He wants me to be. That is, if I respond to this sandpapering with a meek and humble attitude. How I choose to respond does affect my relationship with God. If I take it as attack instead of in love, I better prepare myself that rougher sandpaper will be needed the next time.

Get Out of the Judgement Seat

Ever get mad at yourself?
I was really doing that a lot several weeks ago. Mad at myself for not doing what I ought to do. As God often does, I read something in a book that I felt was straight from Him. It said something to the affect that I need to stop judging myself, get down out of the judgement seat and let God be there again! To get down and just bow down......
.......Wow! and Yikes! who am I to try to take God's place and pass judgement on myself or others for that matter?
Was definitely a "putting me in my place" moment!

Catch up

It has been sooooo long since I posted. I hope to be able to do some catching up tonight as well as before the new year comes. Thank you to those who read and encourage me to keep writing. Many hugs!

Wrestling Matches

There are many times I have felt like Jacob wrestling with an angel. Mostly these wrestling matches involve trusting God with someone I love: my children, my parents, Jim's parents, other friends as well as seemingly hopeless situations.

The devil likes to taunt me with this lie: "You trusted God with Jim and look what happened. If you trust God with anyone else, He will take them too."

Recently a loved one was at the hospital again. I found out they were on the way to the ER right before church. A part of me wanted to run and hide and cry in fear. But I knew where I needed to be and so with tears running down my cheeks and fears racing through my mind, I sat in church, tried to sing and listen. The whole time my heart was wrestling with trusting God. I don't want to lose anyone again. I don't want the pain of separation death brings. I don't want to see my boys crying and not be able to fix it. I don't want to lose one of the greatest godly influences in my life. I listened to the soloist sing, " I don't know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand." Slowly my heart began to rest in the Lord and I was able to listen to the sermon. It was like a hot cup of chocolate on a bitterly cold day. Enlightening, challenging, and yet seasoned with love from above. Then came the invitation, and with it came restlessness once again. I just poured all my fears, anxieties, and heartache on the alter. Tears fell once again and once again I felt the familiar comfort of the Holy Ghost. Then with final surrender, I released my loved one. And took with me the promise that no matter what, it was going to be okay.

Over a week later, I rejoice to say this loved one is on the mend and seems to be doing well. But I am reminded again that each day is a gift, each relationship is a treasure and I need to cherish each moment. To live as to have no regrets.

Another family member told me everything from here out are grace moments. Grace moments......those are some powerful words if you let your mind really wrap around them.

Grace moments.....we all have grace moments.
Lord, help us recognize them for what they are.

My Defender

God has once again shown us He is real and His word is true. I don't feel that I am suppose to share the details. However, I will share the promise:

Proverbs 15:25 The LORD will destroy the house of the proud: but he will establish the border of the widow.

In this situation, He went before us. Stopping the ignorant, preparing hearts, preserving our property, and did as He said establishing our border.
He guided me step by baby step through this situation and I am forever grateful. He gave me courage and just the right words to say.

I literally cried in humble gratitude when I got off the phone. He is my defender, my strength and my shield. And I can add to that list that He is the establisher of my border.

My Wedding Anniversary

On my wedding anniversary, the Lord reminded me that He sees, He knows, He cares.

My pastor preached a message that Sunday called "Through the Darkness" Three main points: 1.Choose to commit to Christ instead of being inconsistant. 2. Choose faith over fear. 3. Choose comfort over sorrow

Sometimes...like in those first days, weeks, and months...I remember making these choices daily. Sometimes I chose wrong. My faith would get shaky, I'd be overcome with great fears, and sorrow seemed to engulf me. But the Shepherd would remind me He was there even though I couldn't see Him or even feel His presence. He was there and I would choose again to not give up on God, to believe and not fear, to accept His comfort and stand up again.

Grief is not the only thing that puts us in the valley of darkness. I pray, dear reader, that these words are a help to you and that you share it with others. This world is rough, very rough. We all need Jesus.

A Couple Good Quotes

This quotes were both emailed to me lately.

"Lamenting is the cry of belief in a good God, a God who has His ear to our hearts, a God who transfigures the ugly into beauty. Complaining is the bitter howl of unbelief in any benevolent God in this moment, a distrust in the love-beat of the Father's heart. True lament is the bold faith that trusts Perfect Love enough to feel and cry authentic."
in One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

"I say that I found peace. I do not say that I was not lonely, I was--terribly. I do not say that I did not grieve. I did--most sorely. But peace of the sort the world cannot give comes, not by the removal of suffering, but in another way--through acceptance."
in Finding Your Way Through Loneliness by Elisabeth Elliot

Burdens of Stone

I have often been burdened to pray for someone. It is hard to describe in words, most often it is just that they are on my mind, but sometimes it is weighty, like a heavy backpack. Sometimes the burden to pray for others come so fast and with such force though that I feel like I am having stones thrown at me. This week has been like that.

More than a dozen people, all with intense issues were needing prayer. These situations were deep wounds to the soul, life and death issues, devastating and destructive decisions, and entanglements in sin. Just very intense spiritual battles going on in the lives of people. The devil seems to have his nasty grip so tight on each situation that hope seems dead.

Tears broke down my face, as I was told yet another heartbreaking prayer request, I cried out to God, "Lord, You are letting me know about all this awful stuff. And I don't want to know anymore......I don't... It makes me afraid of what could happen to my family. It makes me want to shut up my ears to the cries of the hurting…..because it hurts to see others hurting....”
But then I felt His sweet grace and comfort. I remembered He called me to be a prayer warrior and He equips who He calls. I heard His tender whisper, "Be not afraid, only believe." (Mark 5:36) I could feel God's precious grace wrapped around me like a big hug and I knew the Comforter was with me.

I looked in my promise journal and took solace in His words:
He teacheth my hands to war......thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.......For thou hast girded me with strength unto the battle. Ps. 18:34a,35, 39a

I thought of one of my heroes, Anna, widowed after only 7 yrs of marriage, who “departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day.” (Luke 2:37) She faithfully served God even though she was of “great age”and had such grief and loneliness herself being widowed all those years. How much sorrow and heartache had she seen and prayed over….Surely I of a younger age could stay faithful to my post, looking for Christ's 2nd coming as she did His first.

Determined, I set my mind and heart, to pray these people through. Then another late night prayer request came. This time I felt the Lord strengthen me for the battle. Once again I fell to me knees to battle for others.

Prayer, warfare prayer can be exhausting, painful, excruciating even....oh, but when I look beyond the battle to the privilege it is, when I look and see Who I am really serving, strength comes, grace is accepted, hope is revived, and victory is sure.

Romans 16:20 And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.

The Value of Prayer

Many years ago I read an article called A Parable of God's Perspective by Robin Jones retold by Casandra Lindell. Everytime I read these words I get goosebumps.

"Ah, Bert, you should hear his prayers!" Intense love flashed in God's eyes like lightning. "Simple prayers from an aching heart. This is triumph over evil. Trusting me--that is the choice." God smiled through sparkling tears of love."Isn't he magnifient?".....God spoke softly, never letting his eyes leave the scene....."Go down and get him, Michael....I'll arrange the party."

The morning after Jim died I remember walking into the diningroom and seeing the streamers still up that we had put up for his birthday. And the words "I'll arrange the party," had echoed in my head.

Having reread this parable this morning, I am reminded of all the nights I have paced the hallway praying through my tears with my heart aching. Aching for my loss, aching over my sins, aching for my boys, aching for others and the sin they have entangled themselves in, aching because of their unbelief.

Oh, how little the value we all to often put on prayer. Yet how valuable it is in God's eyes.

Also this morning, we read in God's Word about when He cleansed the temple. He called it a house of prayer, not a house of praise or a house of singing or a house of worship. A house of prayer. God highly values prayer. And I am afraid of how little we value prayer and how often we neglect to pray as individuals, as families, as a church, as a nation..............

Lord, please help me remember how precious You value prayer.

Simple Blessings

Given free tickets to seminar where I won a free 1/2 hr massage

$50 gift certificate given to me by a friend for store we shop at often

Taken out for lunch spontaneously by a friend who didn't know I had had to skipped breakfast that morning

Beany elephant (I collect elephants) left in my card with a note of encouragement by anonymous friend.

Thought I only had $11 in cash when God prompted me to put $5 in offering plate. No more money coming in for several days. Obeyed and discovered a $20 bill stuck between a $1 and a $5.

Blessings are everywhere--
we just need to be looking for them.

Psalms 5:3 My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.

Priorities

A key element in my quest for Balance is a list of priorities.

Through several different Bible studies and sermons, these are the list of priorities I am aiming to keep in proper order:

1 Relationship with God-we have heard of the love languages.

How am I communicating to God my love?


Quality time--do I spend time talking to Him? Not just quick arrow prayers at meals either. Heart to heart chats. Do I spend time reading His love letters to me in the Bible? Do I ask Him to show me how to apply His word to my life? Do I go and work where the Holy Spirit prompts me that He is already at work? Do I value a soul as He does?

Acts of Service--do I DO what I know pleases Him? Do I do what He commands? Do I serve others as though it was Him?

Gifts--Do I give Him my time, my talents, my tithe? Do I give special offerings or gifts to others secretly so He only is praised?


Words of Affirmation--do I speak praises of my Lord to Him and to others? Do I tell others what great things He has done? Do I thank Him for everything, even the tough, painful things?

Touch--God is touched by our prayers. Every detail is important to him. Prayers of thanksgiving and praise, prayers of confession and repentance, prayers of intercession, and prayers of pleading and healing...Am I casting every care upon Him?

2 My relationship with my husband

(for me this means a double portion of my relationship with God) If you are married, remember the ways to express your love to our Lord, apply them to your husband.
Included in my relationship with my husband is my body/ my health. Upon marriage a wife's body belongs to her husband. I Corinthians 7:4 Upon salvation a born-again believer's body becomes property of the Master. It was bought with a price and I am to glorify God in my body.
Am I get the rest I need, putting the right things into it, getting up and moving my body as it was created to do? Am I thinking right? Listening to the right kind of music? reading the right kind of books? Am I putting on armour of God for protection? Dressing in a way modest way that reveals I am a daughter of the King?

3 My relationship with my children-
This makes sense. Having them #3. But I find that often in today's world the children are placed before the husband or even helping others maybe placed before the children. A quote I heard recently was the sheep who needed the shepherd the most were the ones he left at home. I must make sure that I am feeding my flock, taking care of their physical, emotional, academical, and mostly spiritual needs before others.

4 Soulwinning--This means being involved in the church's weekly visitation but also to have the mindset all day. To see others as souls not just people here, but souls with an eternal destiny. Everyone is going somewhere: Heaven or Hell.

5 Church Ministries--God calls us to be involved in our local church. He has given me and the members of my family certain talents and gifts. What are they? Where am I headed? Where is our family headed? This isn't to serve just to serve; it is purposefully prayed over and God's will is sought. I have seen many church families with this out of balance. And serve with your family, my preacher often says. When I seek God's will and find it considering service to Him, He won't lead me to overdo it, yet He won't be satisfied in us being slothful either.

6 Helping others--This can be done in numberous ways. Smiles, cards, a simple touch on the shoulder or pat on the back, little gifts, phone calls, texts, give a need you see, this is ministries of the heart. Notice this is # 6. It is still important. Very important, but don't bake a cake for the neighbor and not feed our own family. Remember our children/husband need hugs just as much as a sad friend does.

These priorities are helping me to get my life in balance.
And I pray to keep them in balance as well.

Balance

I realize I haven't posted in awhile.
Yet my God is still at work in amazing ways everyday.
For example, just today at the eye drs.

Snapp really bent his glasses so bad I thought we'd have to get new frames. I didn't even think they would hold his lenses in anymore. Snapp felt horrible about it and shed many tears. We took them in today and the dr took them out back himself and straightened them. It was truly a miracle. I could not believe that he not only got them bent back but that you can't even tell what happen unless you look closely. Snapp ran up to the eye dr. and gave him a hug and said thank you. The dr. was very surprised to get a thank you hug. When we got outside, Snapp and I took a moment to thank Jesus. It really was a miracle at least to us.

Anyway, so my Lord is at work. I just have been too silent on here about it. I titled this Balance because that is something I am working on here. Balancing my activities and my time and this blog has fallen to the back burner. I hope to get it updated with some other fingerprints of God and His work in our lives. But until then just keep us in prayer as we balance homeschooling, church activities, housework, yard work, reaching out to other grieving families and countless other things that are going on in our lives.

Pressed

Another young widow shared this poem with me today.
I needed to read it today too. Praying it encourages all of you.

PRESSED

Pressed beyond measure; yes, pressed to great length;
Pressed so intensely; beyond my own strength;
Pressed in my body and pressed in my soul,
Pressed in my mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure from foes and pressure from dear friends.
Pressure upon pressure, till life nearly ends.

Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving His staff and His rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings;
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living a life for the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured.

~A.B. Simpson

Hardness vs. Tenderness

Pain can make a person get hard out of self-protection. It is a temptation for any human on this earth, especially those grieving. Tenderness is the opposite. A wise widow shared these verse from God's word about tenderness:

James 5:11 Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.

Ps 25:6
Remember, O LORD, thy tender mercies and thy lovingkindnesses; for they have been ever of old.

Ps 40:11
Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O LORD: let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me.

Ps 51:1
To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came unto him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba. Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.

Ps 69:16
Hear me, O LORD; for thy lovingkindness is good: turn unto me according to the multitude of thy tender mercies.

Ps 77:9
Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah.

Ps 79:8
O remember not against us former iniquities: let thy tender mercies speedily prevent us: for we are brought very low.

Ps 103:4
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

Ps 119:77
Let thy tender mercies come unto me, that I may live: for thy law is my delight.

Ps 119:156
Great are thy tender mercies, O LORD: quicken me according to thy judgments.

Ps 145:9
The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works.

Love Me Loudly

Just the other night as I was feeling weary, discouraged, and grieving I simply prayed, "Lord, rebuke me gently and love me loudly."

Moments later as I flip to where I have been reading through my Bible I read these words: The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Jeremiah 31:3

a little bit later I read this.......for I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow. Jeremiah 31:13b

And this in Jeremiah 31:16a Thus saith the LORD; Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears: for thy work shall be rewarded, saith the LORD....

Then this in Jeremiah 31:17a And there is hope in thine end, saith the LORD....

Squeezed in was the gently rebuke Jeremiah 31:22a How long wilt thou go about, O thou backsliding daughter?....

More words of love Jeremiah 31:25 For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.

Jeremiah 31:26 Upon this I awaked, and beheld; and my sleep was sweet unto me.

Sleep, exactly what I was avoiding that night......I laughed as I delighted in how the Lord answers prayers and tonight I read this:

Jeremiah 32:17 Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee:

Simple Kindness

It has been a busy month of helping and preparing for various events.
Today we did errands and discovered our rear blinker wasn't working.
We went to my husband's old work and purchased some new ones. The kind man who replaced him as manager replaced it for us with Snipp, Snapp, and Snurr all watching and learning. Then it was on to shoe shopping which I so dislike. Later this tired momma took her three grumpy boys to DQ for supper. There were two workers who were especially nice and kind to us too. Just doing simple acts of kindness but they were a sweet blessing to this tired mom. God is so good; He is so faithful.
And is always teaching me something. And making me feel so cared for.

Thank You,God for just keeping Your promises and caring for us like a good shepherd does.

Mentoring

In the first year of my widow journey, one of the many books I read talked about grief mentoring. No way, I thought. I can't do that.

Five years later, I can see how God has done that. Used me in a way I never thought I could be used. This last month I had the priviledge of seeing my children be used of God in this role of mentor too.

And I stand amazed at what God can do with a hurting heart. Once again, I think again of the wise words of Barb Gorman, "God doesn't waste pain."

Merriam-Webster online thesaurus says this:
MENTOR-verb
Definition of MENTOR
to give advice and instruction to (someone) regarding the course or process to be followed

Synonyms coach, counsel, lead, mentor, pilot, shepherd, show, tutor

Related Words(I edited the list) : direct, steer, accompany, attend, chaperone (or chaperon), escort, see, train; brief, enlighten, inform; instruct, school, teach, tutor; nurture

The Great Intercessor

My dear friend is back in the hospital. As I drove home last night, many emotions tore through me. My children needed me. Yet I longed to be at my friend's side praying. I was missing Jim's protective arms and his words of assurance that all would be okay. These and many other emotions consumed my heart. I couldn't find words to describe them and tears flowed down my cheeks. The God of all comfort was with me though and sustained me. And the LORD reminded me He knows my heart even if I can't discern all that is in it. And He hears the prayers that I can't utter with my lips.

Later as I read our night time devotions, He showed me Romans 8:34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. And I pictured in my mind, Jesus in my friend's hospital room kneeled down in prayer. Oh, Yes, He is ever intercessing.

Later I looked up more verse on interceeding:

Hebrews 7:25 Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them.

Hebrews 9:24 For Christ is not entered into the holy places made with hands, which are the figures of the true; but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us:

1 John 2:1 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:

Fear Not....Seek Jesus

Matthew 28:2-6 And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it. His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow: And for fear of him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men. And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified. He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.

As we read this scripture yesterday, I realized something. When we seek Jesus, we have nothing to fear. Also the angels know when we are seeking Him. There is protection in seeking Christ as well as strength.

Psalm 105:4 Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his face evermore.

Father's Day 2011

Saturday night on the way to prayer meeting, I asked the boys what they'd like to do to honor Daddy on Father's Day. After much discussion with many ideas, we decided first thing was new flowers at the roadside memorial and at Daddy's grave. So after prayer meeting, we shopped. We found pretty arrangements for the roadside memorial and then each boy picked out an individual flower for Daddy's grave. As we drove toward home, it was decided that we'd be adventurous and put the flowers out tonight even though it was dark, because tomorrow we'd be in our nice church clothes and shoes. Then it began to rain and the closer we got to the roadside memorial, the harder it rained. I questioned the boys if they really wanted to do this, and they did. I pulled off the road so our headlights shined partially down in the ditch. We came up with a game plan to get the task done as quickly and efficiently as possible. Then after several cars and a heavy down pour, we leaped from our vehicle and scurried down the side of the road. As I ran in the darkness, I shouted, "We sure love you, Daddy!" Then we went down into the high grass of the ditch and finally reached our destination. We all worked together and gathered up the faded and weather-worn flowers and set up our new arrangements. Then we scurried through the chest-high sea of grass and back up the side of the ditch. Once on the shoulder of the road again, we sprinted hand in hand back to the vehicle. Laughter and the smell of soaked clothes and wet hair filled our vehicle as I turned up the heat. "We are crazy!!" Snipp said smiling. And the boys chattered all the way home about our adventure as lightning streak across the sky.

Since we were already wet, we stopped at Promise Land Cemetery and each of the boys put out their flowers they had picked out : orange Calla Lillies, white roses, and a single large blue rose. Again we gathered up faded weather-beaten flowers to throw away.

Sunday morning we drove by the cemetery and roadside memorial to see our handiwork. They looked beautiful in the sunlight. Snipp shared later that he felt the tears come as we drove by the roadside memorial with the DAD flower arrangement. Understandable..........that word is more personable than his father's name that's written on the cross. (Reminds me of when we made a sign that said MY HONEY, OUR DADDY and put it by Jim's grave. Snipp was 5 then and had stopped calling Jim Daddy but was using his name instead. "Because I wish it was someone else's daddy,"he had told me. "I wish it wasn't my honey either," I had said. Then we made the sign to remind us of reality. And Snipp stopped calling his dad Jim and just called him Dad or Daddy again. )

Church went well. Little Snurr made a card that said, "I love you, Dad! You are a winner!" and had a little metal taped in it that said winner with a star.

After church, we did Daddy's tradition of getting cheese sticks from Pizza Hut then we headed to the place where Daddy would go on his lunch breaks and read his Bible. We had a nice picnic there.

As we travelled home, boys got ornery with each other and I knew we all needed a nap before we had the next adventure: get out the slip-n-slide.
After nap time, which I needed just as much or more than the boys did, we got out the slip-n-slide which was a birthday gift to me from a sweet friend. She had said, "Have fun with the boys. Make a memory" And we did. I finally got up courage and went down it three times.

We took Daddy's Bible to Sunday evening service as we sometimes do. Snapp took out Daddy's picture and looked at it alot. During the sermon, there was some behaviour issues with the boys. Then afterward church, while the boys played outside tempers flared, voices got whiny, and the stress of the day was showing in the boys. I just wanted to get them home. But as we piled in the vehicle, I felt God prompting me to go get ice cream. "After their behaviour? They don't deserve ice cream." I argued. MERCY was the answer spoken to my heart. So I headed to DQ. The boys asked me several times where I was going when I didn't turn toward the home. "Mercy" was all I said. As we pulled into the drive through, I heard the boys humbly getting right with each other and apologizing for their meanness to each other. Sweet. So we headed home cool ice cream and I reminded them of how sometimes on the way home from church, Daddy had gotten dishes of chocolate ice cream too.

We arrived home to our yard full of lightning bugs and the boys ran and caught several. Then Snurr caught two toads. The big one kept getting out of every contain we tried to keep him in. Finally, we moved inside and tried him in the tub. Ha! He couldn't escape! So the two toads were allowed to spend the night in the tub. We then snacked, had devotions, and read some more of Lassie Come-Home.

Again as time and Jesus heals our hearts, we had more smiles than tears on this day when the world points out that we have our Daddy missing. Repercussions will come. Tears will fall. We will draw in our daddy journals and share and hug. God Word says "he makes everything beautiful in his time." And we are seeing glimpse of that more and more, the longer we travel this journey.

Breath

God reveals Himself to us through our experiences. In a ram for Abraham, He was the Great Provider. To Ruth, He was the Kinsman Redeemer. Recently, God showed me He is the Giver of Breath.

I knew this, in my head, I knew this. Yet recently He showed me this boldly. Without sharing all the details, a precious sister of mine in Christ, a dear prayer partner, had a reaction to an IV drug and instantly couldn’t breathe. Right in front of me, I saw her breath just immediately taken away. Instant panic came, others ran for help, time is a funny thing when a crisis hits. I don’t even remember all that I did or said. I remember thinking many things at once, grabbing her hand and praying. Moments later, I was trying to reach her husband on the phone as the room filled with medical personal. A few moments later, I was back in the room. Her breathing was still labored but definitely improved. And I once again was at her side, silently praying. This time I was praising the Lord for giving her the breath of life, for being the Giver of Breath.

I did a word study on “the fear of the Lord” back in April. And I believe that if people(myself in included) would just realize how God is the Giver of Breath then fearing Him would just be a natural response to His Sovereignty. Since this incident the Lord has shown me several verses on breath. I pray that as you read them, you thank the Lord for giving you breath today:

Genesis 2:7 And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

Job 12:10 In whose hand is the soul of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind.

Acts 17:25 Neither is worshipped with men's hands, as though he needed any thing, seeing he giveth to all life, and breath, and all things;

Isaiah 42:5 Thus saith God the LORD, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath unto the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein:

Job 33:4 The Spirit of God hath made me, and the breath of the Almighty hath given me life.

Ezekiel 37:5,6 Thus saith the Lord GOD unto these bones; Behold, I will cause breath to enter into you, and ye shall live: And I will lay sinews upon you, and will bring up flesh upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and ye shall live; and ye shall know that I am the LORD.

Daniel 5:23 But hast lifted up thyself against the Lord of heaven; and they have brought the vessels of his house before thee, and thou, and thy lords, thy wives, and thy concubines, have drunk wine in them; and thou hast praised the gods of silver, and gold, of brass, iron, wood, and stone, which see not, nor hear, nor know: and the God in whose hand thy breath is, and whose are all thy ways, hast thou not glorified:

Psalms 104:29b ….thou takest away their breath, they die, and return to their dust.

Psalms 150:6 Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD.

The Cup

Several weeks ago, we were reading through John 18. This part of verse 11 just seized my heart"...the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?"



Later after the boys were sleeping I had to go back and reread that verse again and again.."the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?" As I reread it I could hear trust in my Saviour's words, He trusted His Father, knowing what awful things, painful things would be in that cup. He trusted Him because He knows the Father and never doubted His love. I could hear humility and submission to His Father's will. More over there was the confidence that this way was the absolute best way.



".....shall I not drink it?"





What is in your cup? As I look in my own cup, I see pain and hurts, struggles and failures, heavy burdens and grief.





"...the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it?"





Lord, give me the grace to drink the cup You have given me and be merciful please when I hesitate to swallow.

Cast

I recently did a word study on the word CAST.

There were several very good verses, but these five touched my heart the most:

Psalms 55:22a Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee…

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Isaiah 38:17b …thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption: for thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back.

Ezekiel 18:31a Cast away from you all your transgressions, whereby ye have transgressed; and make you a new heart and a new spirit…

Micah 7:19 He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.

Life's burdens are so heavy and when I keep carrying them, I can't hold my Jesus' hand. I walk slower and He patiently walks slower by my side. At the beginning of this journey, He told me to cast all my cares upon Him (to put them in His backpack) because He cares for me. Too often I try to carry them alone.....He never intended it that way. He is so much stronger and His shoulders so much broader. Some of my burdens were given to me for the soul purpose of carrying them to Him and talking to Him about them. Asking for Him to move mightily in a particular situation. I had a day here recently when I had five different prayer burdens going on on the same day. They were instense ones. I felt like all day I was transfering burdens from one hand to another and then into Jesus' backpack. This morning I felt like He took one back out and wanted me to carry it for awhile just so we could talk about it more and burden me to have others pray about it.

Another little thought: when I looked up in the dictionary the word cast one definition said unburden, another said exhale. Think about when you lift a heavy object. You take a deep breath, hold it, lift it, maybe grunt and groan, and after it is lifted-- you exhale. Hmmmm!

I never really shared more about the other three verses but I take comfort in them because God has thrown my sin behind Him, tossed them away from me, and pitched them into the deep sea! And all I can say is Amen! and thank You Jesus, thank You!!

Much behind on posting

There is much I need to post about. I am several weeks behind on how the Lord has been working on my heart and blessed me so undeserving around my birthday, and carried me through tough incidents and strengthened me to sing. I finally posted what my niece shared with me a month ago!

And I must confess I am still meditating on a man,
that I just can't get out of my mind,

Joseph of Arimathea.......I know, it has been almost a month since I posted about him. My pastor preached about the blood of Jesus washing away all our sin and all I could invision is Joseph lovingly carrying the body of my Lord, gently wrapping up my Jesus, tears running down his cheeks, and the blood of my Lord getting on him as he boldly honored the Master. The precious blood of the Lamb of God that washes away all my sin...........................

Prone to Wander

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be!

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to Thee.

Prone to wander,

Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love

Here’s my heart,

O take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above.

from "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing"

This hymn says it clearly, the honest truth, I am prone to wander, we all are. Yet may His goodness like chains hold us to HIM.....

Now reread this part:

Prone to wander,

Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here’s my heart,

O take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above.


My niece told me last month that she had made this her prayer to God concerning her emotional heart. Many times I have advised teens and other singles to "guard your heart" and that "a woman should hide herself so deep in Christ that a man must seek Him to find her." Yet it wasn't until she pointed it out that I saw this verse from a different perspective, through the eyes of single gals in a couple's world who are prone to wander a way from the Father's best and tempted to give their heart (and sadly often their body) away to the wrong guys who would come between their soul and their Saviour. The wise gals who understand that the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. So like a child giving a parent the candy bar so he won't eat it, the single gal must be willing like the song says to give her heart to God and have Him seal it. For Him and, if He choses, for the one He has prepared for her to be a helpmeet to.

Icing on the Cake

I ended up getting the flu on Mother's Day and felt so awful.
Most of today I was lazy, just weak and still feel queasy, stayed in bed as long as I could and sat at the computer a couple hours. I worked on a post about Joseph of Arimathaea that is requiring some research; as well as checking emails and blogs. My parents came out this afternoon and gave me a hand with the house and the boys.


I am glad I am sick now. Otherwise I might not have read a friends email and responded when I did. She is such a healing salve to me and I thank God for her and our treasured friendship. There were many blessings today!


On Mother's Day, our pastor preached on how motherhood is under attack and how sacred it is. Also how when we face hardships, God has great grace to help, we just have to say yes to God's grace.

So as I kept getting more miserable and sicker and longing for my husband to assist with the children, I kept praying arrow prayers, mostly "Help me, Lord." and "Speak to their hearts as their Father."

When I first woke up this morning I was tempted to say "oh, No, Lord" as the storms came and I still wasn't 100%. Then I remembered Preacher and said, "Yes, Lord, I say yes to Your Grace." Then I was able to have one-on-one devotions with each of the boys. It was precious time, as we all slept in and they woke up at different times. Then my parents called to say Mom would be coming between 2pm and 3pm and Dad would be out later. Ah, reinforcements from the Lord:) The rain stopped and the boys went out to play in sunshine and wind. Another blessing. My boys got guy time with Grandpa. I was able to keep my word about setting up the train set in the attic. And I am caught up on alot of housework thanks to my sweet mom. Then to hear my email blessed my grieving friend blessed me too. You could say it was the icing on my cake for the day!

I still don't feel well and am heading back to bed again, but inside is peace and joy! Thank You, JESUS!!

2 Corinthians 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Joseph of Arimeathea

I find it interesting that God the Father starts Jesus’ life here on earth with a Joseph and ends it with another Joseph. (Interestingly enough, the name Joseph means may he add). Recently while doing family devotions in Mark 15, the Lord has had me really think about this man Joseph of Arimathaea. The gospels describe him this way:

According to Matthew, Joseph was a rich man and was Jesus' disciple.

According to Mark, Joseph was an honourable counsellor, which also waited for the kingdom of God

According to Luke, Joseph was a good man, and a just: (The same had not consented to the counsel and deed of them;) he was of Arimathaea, a city of the Jews: who also himself waited for the kingdom of God.

According to John, Joseph was a disciple of Jesus, but secretly for fear of the Jews.

The boys and I didn’t just read about what the Bible said but tried to picture the reality of the words.
The love that motivated Joseph to ask for the body of the LORD.
Jesus had brothers where were they?
Joseph had the tomb dug for himself…was he old? Weak in health? Or just being prepatory?
Did he consider that they might deny him Jesus and put him in prison? What was it like taking down Jesus’ body?
How does one get the big nails out?
Gravity would have made the body fall down upon the ground or his body? Jesus’ body wasn’t clean; it had been beaten and pierced and crusified.
Did He get Jesus’ blood on his hands and clothes?
Did he wash the body or just wrap it?
What emotions he must have felt as he touched and wrapped the back and body of his Lord? Did he weep? Did he pray? Did he vent to God in confusion?
How alone he must have felt and how thankful for Nicodemus who came with myrrh and aloes (100lbs of them!)
How he felt to lay Jesus in a tomb prepared for him?
Did he think “It should have been me?”
As he rolled the stone in place, what emotions must have overwhelmed him, like any mourner feels when the casket is lowered into the grave?
Did he run away to a secret place and just bawl or did he gather with the other disciples?
Did he have family and what did he say or do when he eventually went home?

I worked in the nursing home for over 6 years; I remember the first resident that died. I remember helping to prepare the body before the family came in to say goodbye, before the funeral home came for the body. I remember the feeling of washing a body that is minus a soul. I remember the privledge it was to do this one last act of honor toward the life of a person deeply cared for.
Joseph of Arimathaea is one of the people I have read about for years. He has been a part of the Easter story in my little ears as a young child. Yet it wasn’t until this week that I really, really thought about being in his sandals and wondered about him and how he felt. Joseph was a real man and we only see the facts in a few short gospel verses.

I pray I can be like him, bold in the face of the enemies of my Lord, steadfast, faithful and loving, letting my love for my Lord compel me to crave HIM above fear of persecution from the government or from peers. Desiring to honor my Lord no matter what the cost financially, physically, emotionally……
……Waiting for the kingdom of God

The Fear of the LORD

I will admit it, I have been missing Jim more lately. I have come to accept that a part of me will always long for my beloved. But the ache of that seems to come stronger at times. I am five years out on this journey and yet there are still memories that I have to face for the first time at times. Recently I had another of those experiences where I ran into and fell as I faced another memory and walked through it without him.

I was able to stuff the emotions and memories till the next morning when I was alone in my quiet time. Then the all too familiar ache seemed to swell within me and the tears overflowed. Experience has taught me to embrace rather then fight these grief waves. So I poured out my heart to my LORD and let the rivers run down my face. Peace came, comfort came.

My mind often wonders what Jim would think or say about various events that happen in our world. I have even challenged my children to ask themselves what would Daddy think of this? I do not believe in communicating with the dead. I do believe though that my God knows my heart and knows Jim's heart and can whisper to me what God would have told him to tell me. I don't know if any of you except other widows can understand what I mean.

There are several areas in my life that I long to hear Jim's thoughts on. This past weekend I feel like God answered them. And it all came back to the Fear of the LORD.

My husband was once quite rebellious toward God. Once he got right with his LORD though, his healthy fear of LORD ran deep, along side his deep love for Christ. He didn't write or underline much in his Bible but the verses he did were often on pride and fearing the Lord.

I feel like if Jim could send me a note from heaven today it would read:

Hey, Hon! It's me! I can't wait for you to be here! Till then though I want you to listen to me carefully. Fear the LORD and teach the boys to Fear the LORD.

It will make all difference in your service to the King, in your lives down there.

He loves you so much! We'll be there to meet you when you come.

Love ya!

Jim

1 Peter 5

I have been meditating on 1Peter the last few days, especially 1 Peter 5:5- 11

Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.

But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.

Words of Life to Me:

Psalms 121:2 My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.

This was in my son's Bible workbook last week as his memory verse. And each time he felt overwhelmed with school work, we recited it.

Again, another lesson for me as well......

I quickly I often forget Who is my helper............when the overwhelming responsibilities and tasks seem so HUGE.

The LORD, which made heaven and earth is where my help comes from

So, why should I doubt or fear or worry??

Psalms 121:1-2 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.



These are the beginning verses of my maternal grandmother's favorite Psalm. She lived in a valley and I am sure, often did look up to the hills and look to the LORD for help.

Tears

My son and I had a talk tonight about tears. To him they seem babyish and he feel embarrassed being around those who are crying and is afraid he will cry too. To me tears are a release, a cleansing, an expression of feelings there are no words for...........One time, a couple years ago one of my sons told me that my tears made him to know that it was okay for him to still be missing Daddy too. Tears.........I decided to do a word search on tears and see what God's Word said about them. Here is the unedited list, all 35 verses:



Search for: tears (35 verses)

2 Kings 20:5 Turn again, and tell Hezekiah the captain of my people, Thus saith the LORD, the God of David thy father, I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will heal thee: on the third day thou shalt go up unto the house of the LORD.



Esther 8:3 And Esther spake yet again before the king, and fell down at his feet, and besought him with tears to put away the mischief of Haman the Agagite, and his device that he had devised against the Jews.



Job 16:20 My friends scorn me: but mine eye poureth out tears unto God.



Psalms 6:6 I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.



Psalms 39:12 Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were.



Psalms 42:3 My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God?



Psalms 56:8 Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?



Psalms 80:5 Thou feedest them with the bread of tears; and givest them tears to drink in great measure.



Psalms 116:8 For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.



Psalms 126:5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.



Ecclesiastes 4:1 So I returned, and considered all the oppressions that are done under the sun: and behold the tears of such as were oppressed, and they had no comforter; and on the side of their oppressors there was power; but they had no comforter.



Isaiah 16:9 Therefore I will bewail with the weeping of Jazer the vine of Sibmah: I will water thee with my tears, O Heshbon, and Elealeh: for the shouting for thy summer fruits and for thy harvest is fallen.



Isaiah 25:8 He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD hath spoken it.



Isaiah 38:5 Go, and say to Hezekiah, Thus saith the LORD, the God of David thy father, I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will add unto thy days fifteen years.



Jeremiah 9:1 Oh that my head were waters, and mine eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people!



Jeremiah 9:18 And let them make haste, and take up a wailing for us, that our eyes may run down with tears, and our eyelids gush out with waters.



Jeremiah 13:17 But if ye will not hear it, my soul shall weep in secret places for your pride; and mine eye shall weep sore, and run down with tears, because the LORD'S flock is carried away captive.



Jeremiah 14:17 Therefore thou shalt say this word unto them; Let mine eyes run down with tears night and day, and let them not cease: for the virgin daughter of my people is broken with a great breach, with a very grievous blow.



Jeremiah 31:16 Thus saith the LORD; Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears: for thy work shall be rewarded, saith the LORD; and they shall come again from the land of the enemy.



Lamentations 1:2 She weepeth sore in the night, and her tears are on her cheeks: among all her lovers she hath none to comfort her: all her friends have dealt treacherously with her, they are become her enemies.



Lamentations 2:11 Mine eyes do fail with tears, my bowels are troubled, my liver is poured upon the earth, for the destruction of the daughter of my people; because the children and the sucklings swoon in the streets of the city.



Lamentations 2:18 Their heart cried unto the Lord, O wall of the daughter of Zion, let tears run down like a river day and night: give thyself no rest; let not the apple of thine eye cease.



Ezekiel 24:16 Son of man, behold, I take away from thee the desire of thine eyes with a stroke: yet neither shalt thou mourn nor weep, neither shall thy tears run down.



Malachi 2:13 And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.



Mark 9:24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.



Luke 7:38 And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment.



Luke 7:44 And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.



Acts 20:19 Serving the Lord with all humility of mind, and with many tears, and temptations, which befell me by the lying in wait of the Jews:



Acts 20:31 Therefore watch, and remember, that by the space of three years I ceased not to warn every one night and day with tears.



2 Corinthians 2:4 For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote unto you with many tears; not that ye should be grieved, but that ye might know the love which I have more abundantly unto you.



2 Timothy 1:4 Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I may be filled with joy;



Hebrews 5:7 Who in the days of his flesh, when he had offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto him that was able to save him from death, and was heard in that he feared;



Hebrews 12:17 For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.



Revelation 7:17 For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.



Revelation 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Privilege:

These words of Rebecca's really touched my heart. "I have had to start looking at this 'new' road (being a young widow) as a privilege. You may be thinking WHAT THIS IS NO PRIVILEGE! But it is how many young widows do u know? I can honestly say I don't even know a dozen. We are specially chosen by God to go through what we are going through." I praying each of us can get to this place in our hearts with whatever God has chosen us to go through in our lives.

Rock in My Pocket:

Another deep thought was given to me by my pastor's wife. She is teaching an amazing Bible study on forgiving when we don't feel like it. Thanks to her, I have a visual picture of finding a rock in my pocket or sack every time I get upset with some one or can't seem to get over a hurt or offense. A rock that has a name on it and is adding weight to my load as I try to run this race for Jesus. A rock that is intended to do damage instead of restore. Now the rocks can be just pebbles or boulders, but either way they end up hurting those who carry them more than the person we wish to throw them at. I need to have a hole in the bottom of my pocket or sack so rocks are just dropped and lay forgotten as I run this race for Jesus.

Double Portion:

A friend shared with me a devotional she was giving at a baby shower and as I read through it a truth was revealed that should be obvious. Women need to keep their priorities in order: God, husband, children, etc. Now I don't have a husband here anymore. God fills that role. So I need to make sure I am spending double the time with God than I did as a married woman. And why not? I definitely need Him twice as much. Then it dawned on me that I am privileged to have HIM twice as much too. I know simply truth that just occurred to me............

Poem "The Heavenly Grandstand"

The Heavenly Grandstand

By Joyce Rogers Edmiston

I was running the race of life

and the wind was on my back;

There was never a fairer day to run,

never a smoother track.

So with my head held high as the miles raced by,

I ran with careless ease,

I would run this race,

I would win first place so my Master I would please.

Then an unforeseen hand rudely pushed me down,

And I fell with a thud to the cold, cruel ground;

And broken and bruised I began to cry,

as other runners passed me by.

“Lord, help me please! I can’t run any more;

I’m broken and battered; I’m tired and sore;

I don’t think I can make it, I just want to die,

I don’t even have what it takes to try.”

And as I lay bleeding on the ground,

A vast “cloud of witnesses” gathered around,

They were heroes of old, all the saints of the ages.

Who through weakness were strong,

and through faith were courageous.

They started to cheer and wildly applaud,

And their voices rose up giving glory to God.

And then to myself I said “How can this be?”

For the saints of the ages were cheering for me!

Then Abel cried out, “There is power in the blood!”

And Noah said “He’ll keep you safe through the flood.”

Then Jacob said “Weary one, lean on the Lord.”

Moses cried out, “Child look to the reward!”

Then Sarah stepped forward, holding Abrahams hand,

And they both said, “Trust God when you don’t understand,

In God’s promises, child you must always believe,

For sometimes He’ll do things you just can’t conceive.

Come on! You can do it! Get up off your face

And run with endurance the rest of the race.

And remember, my child when strength is all gone,

The saints of the ages are cheering you on!”

So I rose to my feet midst their thunderous ovation

and started to run with great determination

And that’s when I saw Him, my Savior and Lord,

I must win the reward to cast down before Him the crown that I’d won,

And hear Him say to me, “Well done, child, well done!”
*****

Precious Child

For Christmas, I was given a square sea shore picture with these words on it :

MY PRECIOUS CHILD, I LOVE YOU.

YOUR HEART WAS MADE FROM MINE

AND WE WILL BE FOREVER CONNECTED.

I KNOW YOUR EVERY THOUGHT, DREAM, AND DESIRE.

I ALSO KNOW WHEN YOU NEED MY HELP.

WHEN YOU ARE TIRED, I WILL CARRY YOU.

WHEN YOU ARE SCARED, I WILL HOLD YOU.

WHEN YOU ARE SAD, I WILL HUG AWAY THE HURT.

WHEN YOU ARE FEELING ALONE, REMEMBER THAT

I WILL NEVER YOU. I WILL BE YOUR STRENGTH;

FOR YOU, CHILD, HAVE LEFT YOUR FOOTPRINTS

ON MY HEART.

-THE LORD, YOUR FATHER

Mercy

The Lord has done some working on my heart again. I will admit I often will pick up the offenses of my friends. Not long ago, my pastor preached a sermon on being offended. I learned that there isn't grace for those who pick up another person's offense, only those who are directly involved in the circumstances. I believe it! How many times does someone share something with you and they forgive their offender and yet you stay mad at the offender? I have been there.

Too often I have cried for justice instead of mercy with whoever it is that offended my friends. Mercy..........."but they don't deserve it," I have often cried. And the Lord reminded me that if they deserved it, it wouldn't be mercy. Then He reminded me of the many times He showers me with mercy when I deserved judgement. With tears in my eyes, I forgive and humbly thank the Lord for His mercy that endureth for ever.

Psalms 130:3 If thou, LORD, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?

Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
Lamentations 3:22-23 It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.


Interesting Bible fact: There are 262 verses containing the word mercy.

Snipp, Snapp, and Snurr

Some of you have wondered where I got my children's nicknames. Though my boys are NOT triplets, they remind me very much of these charming young fellows in Maj Lindman's story books.


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Snipp Snapp and Snurr is the name of fictional triplets depicted in a series of children's books by author/illustrator Maj Lindman. The triplets, all boys with blond hair, live in Sweden and have light hearted misadventures. The series of books were first created in the 1920s in Sweden and then printed in English in the United States from the 1930s. A 1936 New York Times review of the book Snipp Snapp Snurr and the Yellow Sled cited the Snipp, Snapp, Snurr series as "popular with the little children".
The series of books continued until about 1960. Lindman also produced a series of books about triplet girls names Flicka Ricka and Dicka. Some of Lindman's stories were included in a series of compilations called "The Best of Children's Books".

Ephraim

Genesis 41:51 And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For God, said he, hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father's house.

Genesis 41:52 And the name of the second called he Ephraim: For God hath caused me to be fruitful in the land of my affliction.

Genesis 48:13 And Joseph took them both, Ephraim in his right hand toward Israel's left hand, and Manasseh in his left hand toward Israel's right hand, and brought them near unto him.

Genesis 48:14 And Israel stretched out his right hand, and laid it upon Ephraim's head, who was the younger, and his left hand upon Manasseh's head, guiding his hands wittingly; for Manasseh was the firstborn.

Genesis 48:17 And when Joseph saw that his father laid his right hand upon the head of Ephraim, it displeased him: and he held up his father's hand, to remove it from Ephraim's head unto Manasseh's head.

Genesis 48:18 And Joseph said unto his father, Not so, my father: for this is the firstborn; put thy right hand upon his head.

Genesis 48:19 And his father refused, and said, I know it, my son, I know it: he also shall become a people, and he also shall be great: but truly his younger brother shall be greater than he, and his seed shall become a multitude of nations.

Genesis 48:20 And he blessed them that day, saying, In thee shall Israel bless, saying, God make thee as Ephraim and as Manasseh: and he set Ephraim before Manasseh.


Did you catch it? I didn't "see" it until I read a book recently called "When I Lay My Isaac Down" by Carol Kent. Jackie Kendall explained an amazing nugget to Carol.

The basic idea was this: The double blessing came from not surviving a painful journey, but it came from becoming fruitful on that painful journey.......

Encouraging Quotes

Some quotes I have in the front of my Bible:

"It is a daily struggle to keep our faith, but God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit has His unbreakable grip on us and none of us will be defeated by this."~unknown fellow griever

"Believe God's word and power more than you believe your own feelings and experiences. Your Rock is Christ, and it's not the Rock which ebbs and flows, but your sea." ~Samuel Rutherford

"To accept widowhood is my 'assignment' for the moment, though hard, is encouraging, because I know I am walking in God's will." ~Anne, fellowgriever

"Those strong aches have to somehow be translated into aches for God." ~Jamie, fellowgriever

"He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds" Psalm 147:3

"I have no business trying to find out where God is leading--the only thing God will explain to me is Himself." ~unknown

"It is God's chief goal is to deepen our relationship with Him." ~unknown

"Prayer doesn't mean my situation will change; but it will change me." ~unknown

"In times of confusion remember these truths: God has a plan; He is in control. God's timing is always perfect. We have nothing to fear. We have much to learn." ~heard on radio from unknown pastor

Be worthy--Today I want my life to be pleasing to Him. Tomorrow I want to keep doing this. I don't know what's coming. I don't know what the cost will be, but I want to be found faithful.

Amen!!

Romans 16:20 And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.

There has just been many attacks on many Christians in various ways lately. The Lord showed this verse to me Saturday night, and I am claiming its promise and sharing it with others for us all to cling to.

Psalm 105:4

This is my battle cry for the next couple weeks....... Seek the LORD, and his strength: seek his face evermore. To keep my eyes focused on my God and not the emotions within me. To keep my soul yearning for Him like my husband's memorial stone says Love Christ More Deeply. When the enemy comes creeping to steal my peace and joy, I am going to cling to Psalm 105:4. When he tempts me to travel to "If Only Island", I am determined to cling to His Word. When I feel like I am standing on the brink of a canyon, I will heed to the counsel of a friend and look up to my God instead of down in dispair.

The battle is set before me. I know what I must do....Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his face evermore. Pray for me to keep looking up. Thank you!

A Time to Rend and A Time to Sew

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To every thing there is a season,

and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate;

a time of war, and a time of peace.

I have often shared this passage with my children to show them that Daddy's death wasn't an"accident." It was his appointed time to die. Yet recently as I read these words one night, the words "a time to rend and a time to sew" stood out to me. Rend-basically means to tear. Now why would someone tear their clothing?

Back in the time of Solomon when this was written it was the custom of the people to tear their clothes. This was an outward sign that something terrible had happened--some disaster or some calamity had taken place. It was also a sign of deep sorrow and mourning over someone who had died. Sometimes a person would do this when he was very sad and angry because of sin. As they would tear their clothes, they would not usually tear the entire garment into shreds, but they would tear a slit or a series of slits in the bottom of the item of clothing.

"A time to rend and a time to sew......" I imagine that after a time the garment was sewn again. Can you imagine the widow who's husband died in battle, sitting down one day to sew again the tear she made when she heard the news? Or maybe laying that garment aside and sewing a new one. How strange it might have felt not to have that tear in the garment anymore. Imagine with me the emotions she may have felt. The silent tears that fell down her cheeks or the sobs that escaped...."

God says there is a time to sew....

My life has felt often like a garment. When my husband died, I felt like my heart had been torn. When my son was born, I did some sewing. Going to another's person's funeral, another tear. Watching it bring my children to a better understanding of death and heaven was some mending. Sharing stories of God's faithfulness on this journey and how I am slowly learning God's Husbandly ways--more sewing. As I near the 5th anniversary of my husband's departure to Heaven, I look down and see the long tear that was made in the depth of my being that appointed night. There are little stitches here and there of different kinds and colors. It isn't as long as it once was.....because God said there were times of sewing.

It is far from being completely mended.

But I know stitch by stitch it is being made beautiful in God's time......

A Breath of Hope

This past week has been one of intense prayer. At one point I said to my praying sister that I felt like I was at the garden of Gethsemane. It was some of the most intense praying I have done for another individual. The battle was so strong!

I expected God to move in certain ways and was crushed when it didn't happen. Bad things got worse and the whole situation escalated quickly. Soon I felt like we had been snatched from the garden and were at the vicious cross and experiencing the pain of death. Relationships were being destroyed before my eyes and the enemy seemed to be laughing us to scorn for believing God to do a miracle.

When the dust settled, I will admit I even felt weary and defeated. For a brief time I felt like our prayers had been in vain. But that isn't true, prayers never die. God's word talks about them being kept in a vial.

After some rest and prayers from others, I saw that in my weariness I had lowered my shield of faith. God strengthened me to lift up my shield again. Then I took the whole situation to Jesus, put it in His backpack and let Him bear it for me.

By faith, I believe God is still on the throne and His silence only means He is working behind the scene where the real work needs to be done, in the hearts and souls of individuals. After some time playing with the boys in the snow, God impressed upon me to think about what comes after the cross, after death........resurrection.

So I look toward the horizon and breathe a breath of hope. And remember the sweet truth God shared with me months ago: "I am Sovereign even when satan attacks; I am still in control. I will work and who shall let it? Beauty shall rise from the ashes." So I wait and pray and trust and look for the resurrection of this whole situation.